Justin and I got married! It was a destination wedding, or "Weddingmoon" if, like us, you are too poor to afford another week away after your destination wedding ;) The wedding was beautiful and perfect. On the beach of Paradise Island, Bahamas, my best friend waited for me, looking dashingly handsome and holding our almost-6 month old (in coordinating shorts and shirt with the groomsmen) - awww! But wait, it got cuter: my dad passed away shortly before my first wedding, so I needed someone to walk me down the aisle. Who better to fill that big man's shoes than my 3 year old! It was touching and adorable - and the stars aligned to have him actually behaving himself for the few minutes necessary for the ceremony! Bunch of words, some great tunes (processional: Lauryn Hill's "Tell Him" - think it's a weird choice? The lyrics are pretty much Corinthians 13...recessional: City and Colour's "The Girl" - a song Justin played on the guitar for me early in our relationship, first dance (which took place later, but I'm telling you now): Adele's "One and Only"), a few swoon-worthy tears from my groom...and we were officially a family, in legal terms ;)
*Photos by the fabulous Beth and Ty*
It was just perfect. However...the trip on the whole, was not :s. One of the problems was just that we were trying to cram 4 vacations into 1: a wedding/honeymoon, a family vacation, a friends trip, and an extended family trip. It wasn't possible to please everyone, or ourselves; we couldn't fit in everything everyone wanted to do; we all had different agendas. But, being a blog on mommihood, I won't go on about that: I'll focus on the traveling with kids part :)
Given that stressing and worrying and obsessing about things is kind of my deal, I began well in advance of ever leaving. The first thing I honed all of my crazy-mommi powers on was choosing the wedding date and resort. Time-wise, we had to get married between June and December - because it had to be AFTER I had given birth, and before I returned to work post-parental leave (I am a teacher, so can't request vacation time outside regular school holidays, which happen to be the busiest and most expensive times to travel - other than the summer, but I am morally opposed to paying to go somewhere hot when it is hot in our own backyard). And we wanted a hot, destination wedding, so that eliminated a lot of options. Because we were going to be traveling with kids, I was even more afraid of food and water-borne illnesses in countries like Dominican Republic. Justin was afraid of getting murdered in Mexico. We like Jamaica, but wanted somewhere closer so that some guests could go for a shorter duration if they liked. So, we chose the Bahamas. Then we wanted an all-inclusive, because it's ridiculously expensive to eat there and we didn't want our guests to be blind-sided. There are only 3 all-inclusives on the beach in the Bahamas: Atlantis was out of our price range; Breezes looked great and offered Martha Stewart wedding packages!...but was 16+, which would have been awesome, had we not had children...; so, the RIU Palace Paradise Island it was! I had heard good things about RIUs, so we booked it!
First note: just because a resort allows children, does not mean it is child-friendly :s But I'll get to that; I need to go I order or I'll miss something.
My next source of anxiety and distress was over the actual getting-there of the trip. My kids had never flown, and as anyone who has read any of the previous posts on this blog will know, I'm a sleep nazi, and don't like anything to interfere with my kids' sleep schedules. Because I am one of the unluckiest people in the world, the only flight offered as part of our vacation package was at 6:20am, which would mean having to wake the kids at like 2:30am. I believe you should almost NEVER wake a sleeping baby, so this caused me many hours of angst - but try as I might, I couldn't find a way around it. I resigned myself to the fact that the first day would totally suck because we'd all be exhausted and cranky, but MAYBE a nap or 2 would happen, and restore order for the night and following day. Now, as luck would have it (please see above re. my luck :s), Hurricane Sandy would blast through the Caribbean and cancel our flight anyway! All that worry for nothing! New worry focus: saving the wedding. That's not what this blog is about, so I will spare you the details, but must say this: Cancellation Insurance is in case you decide to cancel your trip for some reason, right? Right...but it also protects you if the airline decides to cancel the flight, doesn't delay or reschedule it, and you and your wedding guests stand to lose upwards of $30 grand. We had not purchased cancellation insurance :s Long story short, I played travel agent and managed to get us back on track - LUCKILY! But wouldn't you know it? Our new flights were even WORSE than the original! The flight there got us in late, but the flight HOME was the kicker - we didn't leave until 10:45pm (11:45 after the hour's delay - oh, Luck, you slut!) - considerably PAST bedtime! Panic, panic panic for a sleep nazi like me!
But...it was all okay :) I was worried about ear issues and air sickness, but both kids traveled beautifully! They were well behaved (the big one was adorable, actually) and then slept. We didn't purchase a seat for the baby. I know this goes against a lot of safety rules, but the simple fact is that Sunwing does not discount seats for children, and we just couldn't afford it. So, we wore him in a Baby Bjorn, facing in, to facilitate sleep. This worked nicely because the flight attendants told us we would have to hold him in a "burping position" during take off and landing anyway. (Note: on the return flight, one of the attendants tried to tell us we had to take him out of the Bjorn and put this lap belt extension thing on instead. Another one told us he would look the other way, so we didn't - why wake a sleeping baby?? Plus, I feel he'd actually be safer strapped to one of us in the Bjorn, than with just a nylon strap across his legs!) The baby would have slept the whole ride, I suspect, had it not been for an errant and very drunken best man's interference :s And when we finally got home on the return (at 5am!!!), the kids went back to bed, and actually slept in! Till 8:30 and 9:30am. But that was amazing for them, and particularly fortuitous, because it was the night after the dreaded Daylight Saving Time! The crazy sleep disruption may have actually HELPED them make the transition! Oh - I forgot to add that consideration to my decision making process for our destination: had to be within our same time zone, or within an hour of it, for sleep nazi reasons :P
I've gotten ahead of myself. Let's pretend we just arrived in Nassau. Things at the airport were pretty efficient and problem-free. We boarded a ramshackle van (no carseats in Bahamas and often only lap belts, if any seat belts at all, by the way) that took us to the resort in about 30 minutes. On the way home, we had a much nicer bus to take us to the airport, and my 3 year old thought it was the coolest thing ever. He absolutely LOVED looking out the window and asking "why" questions about everything he saw, and was enthralled by the fact that we got the "bump seat", over the wheel on the bus.
The hotel was beautiful, but packed with many travelers just checking in. It was 11:30 at night, and my sleep nazi-ism was on high alert, pushed almost to the breaking point already - so I was delighted when one of the hotel employees decided to check in people traveling with children in a separate, much shorter line :D Prior to arrival, I had called the hotel to check on various things at least 6 times, and one of the most irritating things to me was that they would not confirm a crib and a cot for our kids before check in! They kept assuring me it would not be a problem...but then why the eff wouldn't they just assign me one ahead of time?? Because you know what WOULD be a problem? Not bringing a playpen, and discovering that the hotel did not have one available to us! But (deep breath), all was well - they did have them available. It was another delay, having to wait for them to be delivered to our room, when they could easily have been waiting there already...but anyhow...it worked out. Not that it's a big deal, but the Bahamian hotel workers seemed very uncertain what the difference between a crib and a playpen was. I got a different response every time I called about what type of bed was actually going to be provided for the baby, even when I used detailed descriptions. It only mattered because I wanted to bring our own sheet, and the mattresses would be different sizes. I brought both. It was a playpen.
When we booked this trip, our travel agent totally screwed us and had us pay for an unnecessary room upgrade. The hotel had 12 Family Suites, which had 2 bedrooms and a living area in them, and would have been perfect for diving where the kids and adults slept, allowing for some private time, and not requiring everyone in the room to sit silently in the darkness past 8pm. Sadly, those suites would have cost us an extra $7000 over the exorbitant price we were already paying! :o So, that was not to be. I thought that if we just had one bedroom and a separate living area, that could work, because at least whoever was stuck in the room after the kids went to bed could be in the living area, watching TV or reading or whatever. I explained my needs to the travel agent, specifying that the living area needed to be separated from the bedroom by a door. I also explained that I did not care about the size or view of the room - it was the room division that I was willing to pay for. She charged us an extra $700 to have a Superior Oceanfront Suite, as opposed to the Oceanview Junior Suites that were standard. Fine. But during one of my many calls directly to the hotel (because the travel agent was proving to be incompetent and ill-informed), I learned that no such rooms existed in the hotel. The room our agent had booked for us simply had a better view, and was bigger - exactly what I had painstakingly explained I would not be willing to pay more for. I contacted the agent and told her to put us back in the standard room then, and refund our money. She told me that there would be a $400 fee for changing it!!! This post isn't going to be about the in competencies of said travel agent...because I could go on and on (and I will, in a well-worded complaint letter) - it was crazy how much she sucked.
Anyhow, 2 fantastic things happened when we checked in: 1. Our room was the only room of all of our guests that had a walk-in closet. Other rooms had a slightly better view (though ours was also fantastic) or a separate glass shower in their bathrooms. But for me, this closet was an early Christmas gift. Why, you ask? If you've been reading my blog faithfully enough, you should know this already...because walk-in closets make excellent baby rooms! :D :D :D So, technically, we DID get our 2 bedroom suite :P We set up the playpen in there, equipped with his white noise machine, video monitor, and nightlight (although the front desk attendants were not interested in accommodating us, the lovely gentleman who delivered the playpen and cot went hunting and stole us an extension cord from housekeeping - LOVE that man!!!), and had the main bedroom to ourselves. Where was the big boy? 2. My mom and aunt got a room directly across the hall from us, and offered to let Avery sleep in their room. It was set up nicely with this big dresser kind of separating the sitting area from the bed, so his cot got set up behind that, and they effectively had 2 rooms, too! Sort of. Close enough. The fact that their room was across from ours only mattered because - drum roll, please - the video monitor worked across to their room. So: on nights when my fabulous mother and aunt were willing to stay in with the kids, the baby could still be sleeping in his closet-room across the hall, safely locked up, and diligently monitored by them with Avery on the monitor! Brilliant! They could see and hear the baby, while he could not see or hear them! No one could steal the baby, because they'd see or hear that, too, and open the door to apprehend the baby snatcher! :D (Note: no one did try to steal our baby.) Listen, a lot of people I've spoken to thought it was weird that one of my children slept in another room from us. Weird? Maybe. But if you had the opportunity, why wouldn't you?? Avery slept better, Ashton slept better, Justin and I slept better. The only people who didn't were probably my mom and aunt, and that's only because Avery wakes up considerably earlier than they might on their own, and woke a few times in the night, needing me to go across the hall for a quick snuggle before going back to sleep. Everyone (almost) wins!
A note about kids in your room: friends of ours were traveling with their 3 children, and the resort only allowed 4 people in a standard room. If you run into this issue, but are traveling with a group, be aware that you can do a little shuffling on paper, and make it work. They registered their baby as staying (and flying) with our young, childless (fun-having, sleep-getting...) photographers, but really stayed in my friends' room with the rest of her family. Paper arrangements like this can also sometimes save you some money. For example, our upgraded room cost more per person to stay in (obviously). So if we had registered Avery in our room (whether he slept in it or not), he would be subject to the higher rate, as well - whereas putting him with my mom and aunt in a standard room made his rate lower. Children's rates are lower anyway (they tend to consume less booze at all-inclusives, I'm told), but are still expensive! So, any savings you can find is well worth it!
Anyhow, next note: just because a resort allows children, does not mean it is child-friendly :s Now, contrary to reviews I had read, the staff and other guests were fantastic with the children. They were always smiling and polite, even when our oldest went running around the buffet and restaurants, nearly knocking people down, and the baby made a huge mess. One of the ladies let us know that some of the women there were available for babysitting. But there were no formal kids' activities, no kids' pool, no anything, really. Sure, our 3 year old loved the beach and the pool...but we got there just after Hurricane Sandy had blown through, so the waves were pretty big, and the undertow strong, and there was no way Avery could have swum in the ocean, and the pool was pretty cold! And really, you can only play in the pool or in the sand for so long - and we were there for 8 days :s Luckily, we were located right next door to Atlantis. Now, THAT really seems like the happiest place on earth. It was $110 per person for a day pass, so that wasn't happening - but the aquarium was free after 5pm, so we made several trips across the way to check that out. It was truly awesome, and both kids friggin' loved it (as did the adults). I was a bit worried Avery would have nightmares, because he did after we took him to Big Al's Aquarium store a few months before :s...but all was well :) Still, a few days in, Avery was BORED, and started behaving badly as a result. Next time we travel (with the kids! Because the next time we travel will sure as hell NOT be with the kids!), we will make sure there are kids' activities and facilities wherever we go.
The baby hated the beach. He squinted in the bright sun, there was no shade on the beach and vendors wanted $25 a day to rent you a crappy umbrella that I doubt had any USP factor anyway. We had brought along a play mat and covered it with a towel to create a little tent (because we're idiots, and forgot to actually bring the UV Sun Tent we had bought specifically for this purpose), but he'd roll over and get sand in his mouth, sand on his toys...he just hated it. Not to mention, because of his age, he was only able to stay awake for an hour and a half between naps, so by the time we got him up, changed, fed, and down to the beach, it was pretty much tie to go right back up to the room. When I planned this wedding, I envisioned the baby to be sitting independently by this time, sleeping through the night, and so on. He was essentially sleeping through the night - but paused that for the duration of the trip, of course. The sitting was nowhere near happening, though, which meant bringing a lot more items to facilitate that with us. We brought his playmat for him to roll around on, his Bumbo chair to bed fed in, and a Jolly Jumper for him to hang out in in the room. The Jolly Jumper didn't work out, though, because the door frames in the suites did not conform to North American standards, so it just didn't fit. The other 2 items, I'd say, were necessary.
Packing List: in addition to the regular travel stuff you'd bring on any trip (sunscreen, clothes, whatever), we brought...
- 2 white noise machines for the kids. We use them at home, so they made the surroundings a bit more familiar and comforting for them, plus they just help drown out weird noises and stuff.
- night lights
- video monitor
- walkie talkies. International cell phone packages were just ridiculous - almost as ridiculous as roaming charges would have been - so we decided to avoid them by using radios. They actually worked pretty well! My aunt was very willing to help with the kids, and stayed with the baby while he napped in the room on several occasions, but she has limited mobility. So, these allowed her to notify us as soon as he started to stir from his nap, so we could get up there and get him, so she didn't have to try. Fantastic. We borrowed ours, so they cost us nothing at all, but you can pick up a decent set for about $50, which is a lot less than you'd pay for using your phones. Highly recommend.
- as mentioned earlier: playmat, Bumbo, Jolly Jumper
- lots of baby chew toys (or whatever you call the human equivalent to chew toys - you know what I mean)
- hand sanitizer
- Lysol wipes
- prescription antibiotics for the baby's UTI, which we were not treating because he wasn't having any symptoms, but which we wanted to be prepared TO treat, should he start experiencing anything while we were away
- infant and children's pain relief
- gripe water in little squirt bottle, similar to an eye drop bottle - to squirt in the kids' mouths to get them to swallow in the event they suffered ear pain from pressure changes on the flight. Personally, I think this was one of my more brilliant ideas, though we didn't end up needing it.
- baby food sized BPA free containers for use as bowls for baby feeding
- nylon bib that could be rinsed and would dry quickly between feedings
- liquid dish soap. I can't take credit for this idea. I consulted tipsforbabytravel.com, which is by Nicole and Cameron Wears of travelingcanucks.com and stole the idea from them. It was the best advice ever. We were able to wash the baby's dishes and bottles and everything right in our room. I'm not sure what we would have done if we didn't have it. Note: I also asked Nicole and Cameron for some room-sharing ideas, and they responded to my comment on their blog quickly and helpfully! Great people!
- lightweight stroller. We don't often use our stroller at home, but I borrowed a lighter-weight one from a friend (thanks, Christine!), and it proved to be very useful on long walks to and from Atlantis, as well as at the airport, when the kids were tired because we were traveling so late. We didn't use it for the baby, though - it became the 3 year old's chariot :) If you're traveling with children, airlines will allow you one item to be checked at the gate, and the stroller was ours. We took it right up to the door of the plane, and it was waiting there for us when we got off.
- Baby Bjorn (Ergo, Cybex, whatever). Since Avery was in the stroller, Ashton was in the baby carrier - and as mentioned earlier, it was great for keeping him safe(ish :s) (and sleeping!) on the plane and shuttles that didn't have car seats.
- Blackberry Playbook. Or whatever your brand of electronic game playing and video watching device. This entertained Avery on the plane before he fell asleep (Justin and I even got to watch a Mad Men episode we had previously downloaded on the plane), and also in the room, when he refused to nap, but everyone else needed to!
