First of all, the header photo is [sadly] not me. I am a 30 year old, now-single mom - but I was married (actually, technically still am), and my pregnancy and resulting baby were not accidental - quite planned, in fact. The "Accidental" in Accidental Supermommi comes the experience of struggling with new mommihood, feeling inadequate and hopeless, but somewhere along the line, realizing - quite by accident - that I get this mom business, and am pretty good at it! I just have my own style. I benefited from the knowledge and experience of others, a few books (I read a LOT - but I say a few because I feel I over-read, and the information was conflicting, confusing, damning, and overwhelming), and from finding a rare few women who felt like me: exhausted, depressed, anxious, terrified they would make a mistake and ruin their child forever, selfish, guilty for feeling selfish, and so on.
Pre-Mommihood
I am a formal exercise-hater, but have a pretty active lifestyle nonetheless, and was active in competitive horseback riding, pre-pregnancy. My husband and I had "agreed" (sort of: I saw his point, but was still a bit reluctant to give it up - safety concerns won out, though) that I would sell my horse (totally expensive hobby :s) and stay off their backs for the duration of my pregnancy. Horses were a big part of my life, so there wasn't a lot of room for other things, but I liked hanging out with girlfriends, a weekly night on the town, lounging on the beach - the usual. I spent a lot of time with friends because my husband and I were pretty independent of one another, and also because he worked nights in the winter (so would sleep most of the day and then be gone at night anyway), and extremely long hours every day in the summer (he owns a pretty successful landscape construction company). I'm only bothering with this information so that the lifestyle change I underwent upon entering mommihood becomes obvious later on...
Anyhow, we had been married for about a year and a half, and had recently moved into the home we watched be built...so next thing on the list was the baby! I had always had a really irregular period, so I used Clomid to help me get pregnant. It only took 2 tries :) There was some uncertainty that it had worked at first, but that is a story (blog post) for another day. I had a pretty easy pregnancy: no vomiting (some nausea, but only for about an hour a day for one week), no stretch marks, no complications, was "all belly" up until the last month...but I had terrible skin for the first trimester, and worst of all: I got the dreaded "mask of pregnancy" (cloasma/melasma) towards the end (this is also fodder for another post). I had a bit of spotting during the first month, so the doctor advised me to take a few weeks off of running and pilates - and I decided to be extra cautious (read: lazy) and just quit altogether. I gained 37-42lbs (a range because I wasn't entirely sure how much I weighed pre-pregnancy), went 2 days overdue, and had my water broken to induce labour because my blood pressure had gotten dangerously high. Will discuss at another time, but had a relatively easy, midwife-at-hospital labour that ended at 12:04am on July 3rd, 2009. Welcome Baby Avery!
Would love to hear your conception or pregnancy stories here...
Finn was a honeymoon baby practically. My pregnancies were typical too. Only strange thing....we didn't make it to the hospital with Finn! He was born at home. Can't wait to hear more of what you have to share.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rachel! I'll definitely want to talk about the actual delivery soon (playing catch-up now), so I hope you'll share information about home births (even if unplanned ;))!
ReplyDeleteWell I am going to try and post again here! 2 days over due? I went 2 weeks...induced with cervadil (sp?) 5 magnificent times.
ReplyDeleteWow, "Anonymous" ;) 5 times?? It didn't work, or what? I guess, since you've only had one baby so far, you can't comment on whether the drugs used for induction make your contractions that much more intense and painful? Is Cervadil a form of pitocin, or was it something different for a specific reason? How long till your little guy finally got the heck out of there?
ReplyDeleteLOVED your Blog Ashley! LOL...Have you seen the show Accidentally on Purpose? That was me! I was engaged to be married, planning a wedding, and finally realizing my dream to be a yoga teacher when my doctor told me I had a large tumour on my uterus and I'd probably never have children. I was devastated, but determined not to be "that" girl who cried at friend's baby showers. I put on a brave face and struggled on. The stress of a fiance with a severe drug addiction, the realization that I may never be a mother and a wedding that scared the crap out of me finally became too much and I left. Because I defined myself through my ex, I was pretty lost and lonely for a long time. The only thing that saved me from becoming an Ativan addict was that I had bought a yoga studio right before the split and had to work day and night in order to keep it running. (Hind sight...if I had known that I was going to be single again, I would have sold all my properties and moved to Costa Rica) Side note...my ex was also my boss at the dealership I worked at...that was fun! LOL. The next summer, feeling healed from the split, and at peace with the no kid situation I began my Summer of Fun. A sexy young guy I jokingly referred to as "Toy" soon became my accomplice in said "fun". And then the Summer of Fun turned into the Accidental Autumn! Toy and I split a few months after we found out about the pregnancy, but remained friendly. Similar to you Ash, I had to quit/slow down a lot. That's when I realized that I had no hobbies that weren't physical. Skiing, snowboarding, running, yoga, soccer...I am definitely not a scrapbooking kind of girl. No more drinking wine with the girls?! I became a Law and Order addict and I don't even own a tv...watching on my laptop. The pregnancy was perfect. No sickness, I had never felt more sexy...but also the most lonely. Toy and I were excited about our new arrival, but separately, and I really didn't want to share MY baby or my experience with him. I worked right until the day I had her, in fact I went into work while I was in labour so I could qualify for my loyalty bonus at work. $700 is a lot when you won't be getting a pay cheque for a few months. After 2 and a half hours of pushing, the doctors finally rescued my munchkin via c-section. Aparently the curvy hips I always thought I had weren't curvy enough to let a baby to pass through. They tried to remove the tumour at the same time, but I bled too much. I went back to work 7 weeks later. Financially I couldn't run a yoga studio, rental properties and support myself and my new daughter. Guilt (for having to work, but also for enjoying my time away), jealousy (at mothers that got to stay home), loneliness, restlessness became some of my daily emotions. Of course I was happy to have my little miracle baby, it's like getting a new puppy, only better...but sometimes I felt like I'd drown under all of the negative feelings. Disa Amy Pelletier, born July 31st 2010. (posted as anonymous, because it wouldn't let me post - Kelda)
ReplyDeleteWow, Kelda - haven't seen the show, but if YOUR story was a movie, I'd watch it for sure :) How amazing! Both that you got your miracle baby, and that you've been able to manage it all on your own. Once I catch up on all this pregnancy stuff and actually get to the birth and the AFTER-birth, I want to talk a lot more about all of the overwhelming and conflicting emotions, and hope you'll add your thoughts then, too! :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Most readers won't know, as they don't know you, but you had me totally fooled, based on facebook statuses, anyway! You always seem so positive; I'd never have guessed you shared some of the negative feelings I did :( Good for you for persevering.