Hotdogs and Hallways: Post-Baby Sex

If you are a) my mom, b) my brother, c) my boyfriend, or d) prudish...you may want to skip this post.  However, if you've made it this far into my blog, you're probably prepared for what lies within ;)

There is a lot of pressure to have sex after you have a baby.  I guess just because it has been a while...and because there's no longer another person in between you and your partner for the first time in a while!  But it's a scary endeavour, for reasons discussed in my previous post, so have yourself a glass (bottle) of wine, take some deep breaths, and don't forget to warm up! ;)

Seriously though: WARM UP.  I felt a lot more confident going in because I had "tested" the area myself beforehand, and was less convinced it would hurt when the big event arrived.

And it didn't hurt - too much.  It was different.  Definitely more perfunctory than pleasurable; more of an accomplishment than a luxury.  Some mommi-friends of mine had warned me that post-natal vaginas tend to be...lacking in lubrication.  One friend used the words "as dry as the Sahara".  But I didn't find this to be the case, personally.  If you do, use lube (I recommend Sliquid, because it does not contain glycerin - a big yeast-brewer :s)!  Don't expect miracles this time around.  Consider it a qualifying event, where you just have to finish the race to make it to the next round - which will (hopefully) be better.

After successfully completing the event, I had the following observations:
-I wasn't bleeding
-I hadn't done any visible damage
-it didn't hurt very much
-it wasn't good, but wasn't terrible either
-he must have found it satisfactory because...well...you know

But, dedicated researcher that I am, I required more evidence, so I had to ask...

Little background information here: My then-husband had a very-Irish client who used to make derogatory comments about his wife all the time, which my husband would regale me with when he got home.  One day, he came home with a story about how his client had said having sex with his wife was a lot like "throwing a hotdog down a hallway" :s  Lovely gentleman...

So, I both nervously (I was pretty sure all was as it once was, but not fully, or I wouldn't have been asking) and jokingly asked, "So...was it like throwing a hotdog down a hallway? (teehee)" ...and he said, "No, it wasn't that bad."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my male readers (and I have recently learned I have a couple!), this is NOT something you should ever say to a lady in your life - though, if you are sensitive and secure enough to be reading this blog, you are likely not the type of guys I need to tell that.  But seriously - SERIOUSLY??  For real??  Ugh.

Truth be told, your lady parts will never be "the same" again (point to be continued in a future post) - but they will still be good!  AND, since re-entering the dating world, post-marriage, post-baby, I have gotten a second opinion - and he never says "it wasn't that bad" ;)

Let's end on that note!  Unless anyone cares to share a tale of horror of their own...?