Okay, I lied. Before I can move on to post-baby sex, there are a few other obstacles to tackle :s
First of all, I think I speak for most women out there when I say that sex is about the last thing on your mind after you've just passed a watermelon out of your lady parts. And yet...you hear about Irish Twins, or other euphemisms for babies born in rapid succession. Those babies got made somehow...so, apparently not everyone shares my feelings. Personally, though, I wouldn't even consider having sex for at least a month (more like three!) after child birth - and it's not medically-advised, either. Since it's kind of a gaping wound down there (sorry :s), sex too soon can cause air to enter the blood stream, leading to an embolism!
But even if you wanted to get busy, there are roadblocks. Like stitches. Mine got infected. Hey - it's a kind of bacteria-ridden environment down there! You can't wipe, you dab to wash...things happen. And the things that happen to make those other things unhappen aren't so sweet either. My midwives "prescribed" an amazing cocktail of herbs for me to boil, add to bathwater, and soak my business in for 5 consecutive days. It worked wonders and cleared up all the infection...but it smelled like caesar salad...so I smelled like caesar salad (or puke, as my then-husband so lovingly put it). And alright, he's an insensitive jerk; but I can't say caesar salad makes me particularly aroused either (although some might argue that garlic is an aphrodisiac...NO.)
Then there's the crying. You go through so many hormonal changes after birth, tears are par for the course! I'd cry when I looked at my baby. I'd cry if someone made me dinner. I'd cry for any happy, sad, or "other" reason possible. Tears are not sexy.
I also cried when my milk came in. Picture me naked in the bathroom (okay, not literally, ya pervs!): I've just had a shower (maybe my first since coming home from the hospital :s, probably after the "you smell like puke" comment), water is dripping from my hair, milk is leaking from my boobs, tears are gushing from my eyes - everything is wet and miserable (not to mention the milk thing HURTS)...NOT SEXY.
I'm not even going to get into sleep deprivation here (it will get its own post - in fact, this blog may soon become entirely dedicated to sleep deprivation and all things sleep-related), but if there's an opportunity to sleep or have sex...I'm sleeping! No question. At that point, anyhow.
If you experience post partum depression, that will also do nothing to help with the sexy times - but again, that's another post.
But maybe a few months in...a few glasses of wine in (to steel the nerves - hey! - letting something in there is a SCARY proposition!)...you might be up for the first post-baby sex.
And THAT leads up to my next post, "Hot Dogs and Hallways", or the truth about post-baby sex.
You are too funny! Can't wait to read about the post-baby sex!! I can't remember the time frame that it took me in between babies...but yeah, since my first 2 are 20months apart and my middle & 3rd are 15months apart - sex happened. i think i was drunk both times! LOL! Thanks for the humourous and memory-jogging post!!
ReplyDeleteCynthia - I'm getting nervous just thinking about WRITING it! Maybe wine now, too? ;) Thanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I don't know how you do it...I don't know how anyone survives more than one baby-baby (as opposed to toddlers or older babies - they're all babies to me :)) at a time! I want more babies, for sure, but I honestly don't think I would have been emotionally fit enough to have them close together! That's fodder for another post, too :s But anyhow - you go, Supermomma!