Mother's Day Edition:THE TRUTH ABOUT LABOUR

Finally, after weeks of sleeping in a lawn chair (I didn't actually bring it in the house, but I wanted to!  I found a garage-sale plastic lounger to be the only thing comfortable to lie in by about 36 weeks), carrying around a blanket (I was certain my water would break while on a neighbour's couch or something :s, so brought one along with me wherever I went - just to be safe!), and doing anything I could think of to bring on labour...it happened.

But not in the traditional way.  I was past full term, and my blood pressure had been high, so I was being seen by my midwife every other day at this point.  At a 40 week and 1 day appointment, my blood pressure had sky rocketed, so my midwife followed me to the hospital to have blood work done, but told me I wouldn't be coming out without a baby!  So off we went.  Luckily, my mom had insisted on driving me to my appointment that day, so could also chauffeur me to the hospital - I was far too busy text messaging everyone I knew, including my husband, who was working, to have focused on the road.

I should pause a moment to say: my birthing plan was to have my baby under the care of my midwives, but in a hospital - just in case.  I wanted to try to go it naturally, but wanted to know I could have an epidural if I wanted one.  My mom would be there, but on the other side of the curtain during the really gross parts.  My husband would be there, but was forbidden to actually look...you know...down there :s

I was admitted on July 2nd, 2009 around 3pm, had a few tests done, blood taken, etcetera, and had my water broken before at 4pm!  I was all alone!  My mom had gone to my house to pick up my labour bag, and my husband hadn't wrapped things up on site yet, but the midwife thought we couldn't wait.  That was scary!

Having your water broken is gross.  It's uncomfortable and borderline painful (okay, yeah, it registers as painful), followed by a warm gush.  LOTS of fluid comes out!  Luckily, I didn't see any of it, so can't comment on that.  They put down these absorbent pads underneath you so they can just pick them up and sweep the grossness away afterwards (a labouring woman will get used to these pads, because they are used for a LOT of things related to baby-having and afterwards).  The actual "breaking" is gross, too - they go up there with something that looks a bit like a knitting needle, and you can feel them hooking your amniotic sac, pulling (you get the sensation of it being rubbery and disgusting), trying again, until a little hole gets ripped into it, and then: GUSH :s

Breaking your water (aside: lots of books refer to it as "waterS", which is probably correct, but just seems wrong to me, so I will continue to keep it singular - like, really: how many waterS are in there?) is the first step in induction.  I was lucky in that I didn't need to find out about any further steps, because my contractions started almost immediately.  Perhaps a follower who experienced some of the other steps can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the next attempt to get things going would be to put some hormone-laden gel on your cervix, and then administer the dreaded Pitocin (via IV) if that doesn't work - I say "dreaded" because I'm told Pitocin can make your contractions come on with greater intensity, and hurry the stages of labour, so that the whole effacement and transition processes happen quicker, meaning your body undergoes changes (read: gets ripped apart) faster, as well - and that just sounds terribly painful, as if labour wasn't painful enough already!

But I started getting period-like cramps within minutes of having my water broken.  They were subtle, and I didn't know if I was just having psychosomatic cramps because I wanted to feel something or not - but they were real.  And they picked up, both in speed and intensity, pretty quickly!  So, I filled the next few hours with six activities: the ball, the tub, mooing like a cow, getting gased up, epidural-having, and pushing.

1. My first labour strategy was the exercise ball.  The kind you see at gyms, or may even own (although, personally: exercise? weird!).  Both my midwives and the public health nurse who ran our prenatal classes (I didn't talk about prenatal classes, but I highly recommend them - even if only to make fun of other couples and feel better about yourselves and your future parenting abilities) recommended it, so I tried it.  I sat on the ball (in my hospital gown, on one of those aforementioned absorbent pads), and kinda rocked around on it, making Elvis-like hip circles and stuff.  The idea is that it helps your hips to expand and your cervix to recede and all that gravity business to occur, too.  It was alright.  I have photos of my sitting on it and smiling, looking pretty good, because this was just early on.  But ti got boring and was kind of tiring, too, so I soon moved on.  Oh, wait: when the contractions started getting more uncomfortable, I sat on the ball, but leaned forward and rested my arms on the side of the bed, which was a reasonable coping position.

2. As things progressed, I decided to give the bathtub a try.  This was my worst idea EVER.  The bathtub was not in my birthing suite; it was a few doors down the hall, so waddling down there sucked, to start.  The warm water was a bit soothing, however remaining in a tensed position, holding onto the sides for dear life because the angle of the tub's back was just not right for my pregnant body undid any soothing that might have been had.  Super uncomfortable.  Also, it was just a regular bathtub - no jets or anything (which makes sense, I guess, since they have to obviously sterilize it each time it's used, and it would be hard to get into all those moving parts and tubes) - so the water got cold quickly, and my belly stuck out anyway, so the midwife just kept using a big jug to pour the water over it.  Shivering while contracting was not pleasant.  Things got so uncomfortable here, that this is when I began activity 3: mooing like a cow - but give me a minute.  While in the tub, I suddenly realized I had no idea what was going on beneath my belly - like, I couldn't be sure I wasn't peeing or pooing in the tub!  I refrained from panicking, though, and asked my midwife, who told me that urine is sterile, so to pee away - but that if I pooed, I would have to get out of the tub (obvi!).  A note on pooing: (yes, I know it's gross, but if you've been following, you should know I'm not big on holding back - in fact, that's kind of the whole point of this blog) do it!  Not in the tub.  But try to poo during the early stages of labour.  Know why?  Because if you do it then, there's a better chance you will not poo on the table, during labour - how embarrassing!  But back to the tub.  The whole thing was uncomfortable, NOT relaxing, and a big waste of time, but the WORST part was what came after: returning to the birthing suite.  It didn't feel like very long, but apparently I spent a bout an hour in that god-awful tub, and by that point, my contractions were strong and often, so getting out of the tub was horrendous, and the walk back to the room, cold, wet, and doubling over in pain every minute, was the worst part of the entire labour experience!

3. On to mooing like a cow.  This was my alternative to screaming in pain.  I had been told in prenatal classes that yelling or making high-pitched noises during painful contractions would not help - that it actually increased your tension and made things worse (Aside: Know what else makes everything worse?  When there's another woman down the hall from you, NOT following this advice, and being terrifyingly loud and screechy.  I remember being relatively calm at the start of all of this - until I heard HER, and began fearing the worst!  Incidentally, I still do not think labour is as bad as that particular woman made it sound.).  So, I was determined to be quiet and low - so I mooed.  Even through my pain, I was fully aware of how ridiculous I sounded - but seriously, it works - try it.

4. When mooing began to fail me, and I started demanding the epidural, the midwife appeased me with gas - sweet, sweet nitrous oxide, O, how I love thee.  For real: if you have not yet had a baby but are expecting, consider which hospitals near you offer nitrous oxide during labour, because not all do, and even in those that do, not all rooms are set up for it (they have to meet ventilation requirements) - AND IT IS FANTASTIC!!!!  Man, how I loved that gas!  You are supposed to just put the mask to your face during a contraction, and breathe regularly when it passes.  But eff that!  I sucked on that thing like it was...well, um...whatever - something you suck really hard on - and never let the mask break suction from my face.  I got super, super stoned.  I remember being aware of people speaking to me, but I felt no obligation to respond (that would have involved removing the mask - uh uh).  However, I was so out of it that I began to wonder if I might throw up - not because I felt nauseous, but because I didn't feel like I had control over any bodily function anymore.  And then the paranoia that commonly plagues the ultra-high (I'm told) started to take hold, and I was concerned, but too high to really care very much.  I did ask the midwife, though: "Am I going to throw up?" - like she would know :$  But I did not throw up (thank the Lord).

5. They made me give up my beloved gas when I caved and got the epidural, but it was a fair trade!  I'm not a really needle-scared person to begin with, but the legend of the crazy-long epidural needle was still of some concern.  Needlessly, though: I didn't even feel it.  It didn't work instantly, though, which was a bit disconcerting, but after a few minutes, it kicked in and I wondered why I hadn't just gotten it from the beginning!  I still had sensation and was aware of my contractions...but the pain was GONE - totally gone!  It was so amazing!  I literally could have just gone to sleep, but the downside of an epidural soon became evident :s  Avery's heart rate started dropping because of it, which scared me, and they kept rolling me into different positions and such to try to find a position that he liked better, and that allowed his heart rate to come up. 

6. It wasn't even an hour after the epidural, though, that I was fully dilated and feeling the urge to push, so push I did!  My husband and the backup midwife each held one of my legs up into a bent position, and I just bore down an gave 'er.  But he wouldn't come out!  The primary midwife was in there with the old olive oil, doing her thing, to no avail.  She gave me a "little" episiotomy, but that still wasn't enough, so she cut me again :s  Sounds gross - and I paid for it later! - but I wasn't aware of that pain at the time.  Two cuts still wasn't enough, and Avery's heart rate was still somewhat distressing, so there was talk of a c-section if I didn't get him out on the next push - and that was it!  Out he came!  I think I only pushed three times, but my memory gets a little fuzzy and my concept of time was definitely a little off, so who knows.  My whole labour was only about 7.5 hours (average first-time labour is 12 hours), and Avery was born at 12:04am, so fill in the activity timelines as you will.

The midwife had called the Respiratory Therapist when I started pushing, because of concerns as a result of Avery's lowered heart rate, so once he was out, he was unceremoniously swept away in case he needed some sort of resuscitation, but he was just fine and cried seconds later :)  But, seriously, they sliced through that cord so fast, the blood spattered the wall above my head and onto some equipment to the side!  I have included a lovely photo as evidence.

My husband got to "trim" the cord a few minutes later, while I asked two pertinent questions: "How's his mouth?" (cleft palate has affected two of my family members) and "Did I poo?" (no - yayyyy!)  And then I got to hold him and attempt to breastfeed, while delivering the afterbirth and getting stitched up.  Holding newborn: sweet :)  Passing afterbirth: gross (it feels like a huge blob gurgles out of you - because one does).  Stitches: I was aware of them, and they were uncomfortable, but I was relatively insensitive in that region after all of that trauma - oh, I don't remember how many stitches I required, but they were on two layers on flesh, and were required to repair the double slice I received up the front AND the TEAR I suffered up the back!!!

Wow, reliving that has left me very tired, so I'll save the "after" stuff for another post.

One last thing: I should have said seven activities, because throughout all but the pushing, I was texting friends and updating my facebook status, just so no one would feel left out :P  I won't get into it now, because I absolutely plan on devoting an entire post to the topic soon, but every new mom should have a smart phone (preferably a Blackberry (yes, that recommendation is based solely on my personal bias)) - it was essential to my survival.

Oh, man, I'm bad at stopping writing :s - two more "last things": Maybe I should have said eight activities, because another was eating!  You're not supposed to eat during labour - I think in case you need surgery and barf ans aspirate or something - but come on!  Labour is long and strenuous!  So my midwife let me eat the snacks I had brought with me: frozen grapes (green) and strawberries (quartered).  They were fantastic.  I froze them because they're yummy that way, but also because it takes you longer to eat them, so you eat fewer (which is good because as I said, you're not supposed to eat anything).  I advise anyone about to have a baby to do this, too.

Finally, I know my labour was relatively short and uncomplicated.  I just want to acknowledge that, because women who have had long and difficult labours tend to get a bit testy about it and might want to attack me.  On the other hand, I know several girls who have had much shorter labours, too!  To each their own.  I'd do it again.  And mark my words, ladies who do not yet have babies: LABOUR IS THE EASY PART!

Happy Mother's Day, Mommies, and Those Who Have Mommies!  What better day to share your labour stories?   Hit me with 'em! ;)