Dear Childless Friends,
When we become parents, our lives change - but we are still largely the people we were before. And we miss you. We still want to go out, have fun, socialize - and we do. It's just that most of the time spontaneous events can't happen.
If we want to go to a party, for example, it takes advanced planning. We need to check not only our own schedules, but those of our children's appointments, sports, and activities, as well. If the time in question is "free", we then need to call a babysitter (and babysitters are limited, by the way, and consist primarily of family members if the children needing care are very young), and see if that time is ALSO free for them.
Then we need to check our bank accounts and see if we can afford to go to whatever the event is AND pay a babysitter (they're not $5 an hour anymore).
If all roads lead to "YES", we then have to hope and pray and perform good luck rituals so that no unexpected catastrophe or hurdle presents itself between the time we have accepted the social invitation and the event itself. And you would be surprised at the number of catastrophes that occur in any given week!
IF the Gods smile upon us, and we make it to the party, we are probably exhausted. We did not have a "pre-game nap", like we used to do before a big night out. And guess what? That babysitter goes home when we get in. And we have to get in that same night, which means we're not getting wasted enough to block our our fatigue - nor are we wasted enough to not care when you give us a hard time for leaving before 2am, and rag on us for being "boring", "lame", and "old". Good times for all, huh?
Since that babysitter went home, and our children don't care how late we stayed out the night before, we are up with them at 7am (if we're lucky!), and will stay up - and active - with them for the whole day. Our hangover recovery time is about 3 days now - and we don't even have to have had anything to drink to have that hungover feeling.
You might be wondering: why do we even bother then? It's because we love you, and miss you. We WANT to come out and have a good time with you. So we suck it up and make the effort, and deal with our misery the next day.
But that's why it sucks so much when we feel like you're not willing to make an effort for us. Give us some notice. Offer to come to us sometimes. (Those gracious offers to allow us to bring our children with us to your house are thoughtful…but spending the entire time wrangling our kid from destroying your possessions or finding their perilous deaths because your house isn’t child-proofed isn’t actually that fun for us.) Maybe meet us for dinner or a more low-key event earlier in the night (you can still go out and enjoy your youth and freedom afterwards, even!). And maybe try not to give us such a hard time, when we've gone to great lengths to spend some time with you.
Many of you may also become parents down the road, and I can't even offer a threat or warning of "what goes around comes around". Because once you've joined The Parenthood, we are obligated to welcome you and keep company your misery - you're now our brothers in arms. So no, there will be no payback, no repercussions for you not doing unto us as we will later have to do unto you. This is just me venting. But maybe, just maybe, someone reading this will remember it and give their old friends (who then became parents and now they never see) a call - make some plans that are more feasible for them. Or just slap them on the back and tell them you're glad they came when they have to leave an event earlier than you. Something.
And for those of you IN The Parenthood already, well, hopefully your own misery enjoyed the company of mine while reading this ;)
Here are some supporting videos you may enjoy :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNVde5HPhYo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8QZHsRsVuM
