Warning:

Today's post(s) may contain graphic (some might say "intimate") descriptions of events (and anatomy), and may not be suitable for all readers. Some things, once known, cannot be un-known ;P

New Readers: This blog is funniest (totally biased opinion) if read from earliest to most recent post - so start at the bottom! And please "follow" if you like it!

Friday 26 September 2014

Good Enough

Last week at school, there was an incident in which a 15 year old girl was suspended because she slapped her boyfriend. Fair enough: physical violence can't be tolerated. But secretly, and because I knew some of the back story, I wanted to give her a high five. I'd like to think that, if I were her mother, when she came home, I'd tell her I was disappointed she used violence and got suspended...but then I'd give her a hug and tell her I was proud of her for standing up for herself. I'd tell her she deserves better than that (the way this boy had treated her).

But that's not what happened when that girl got home. I wasn't there, but I WAS there when she called her dad on the phone before she got sent home, and heard her side of the conversation. And I WAS there when her mom returned her to school - alone - did not accompany her to the required meeting with the vice principal - and told her not to be such a c*nt as she left her at the curb. I was there when a moment presented itself for me to speak to her, ask her what happened between her and the boy, when she smiled shyly and told me they were still together.

And that's when it hit me: no one has ever told this girl she deserves better. She has no idea that she's good enough. She has no sense of self worth - only of self preservation.

Later that night, I took my 5 year old son to the community skate park for the first time. He'd been asking to go there since it opened earlier in the summer, but we've been busy, and I think I put it off because he's just so little! There are big kids there! And it's dangerous! 

But I was humbled as I watched him when we got there. When we rounded the corner and saw that the park was full of teenagers and big kids, I fully expected him to become shy and decide he just wanted to watch. But instead, he set off on his scooter, circling the perimeter, then making his way between the ramps, and eventually trying out some of the smaller ones! He actually started up the biggest ramp there, but I intervened :P He fell a couple times, and I had to stifle the urge to run to him and see if he was okay - but he was; he got right up and set off again.

I was so PROUD. I am raising a boy with self confidence. A boy who is never the one to make the first move to begin a friendship or social interaction, but who doesn't back away from one, either. A boy who knows he's good enough.

In another post, I've written about my son's facial birthmark, and my ex husband's insistence that we need to have it surgically removed, for fear he will be bullied because of it as he gets older. My stance has always been that there is no medical need to remove it, and that kids will find a reason to tease everyone at some point - the kid who wears glasses, the kid with a hearing aid, the one with red hair, the tall one, the short one, the skinny one, the fat one, the one who farted during silent reading, the one who tripped on the playground - and that the way to guard against your child being negatively impacted by teasing isn't to remove the catalyst, but to raise that child with enough self confidence to know he's awesome.

So far...mine does :) And I guess, as an educator, I should be glad for the opportunity to help someone else's kid realize her own self worth. Children are born "good enough" - some parents, sadly, just aren't.

Friday 28 February 2014

Weight Gain, Weight Loss, Boosters, and Belly Button Rings

It's been forever since I've blogged. Not for lack of material; just lack of time/energy! This morning, however, I am filled with a powerful fury that needs an outlet. Writing is the mot appropriate one I can think of ;) However...that is all a tease, because the source of my rage will nt be the topic of this post :P

Baby 2 is nearing 2 years old! He's almost 22 months, anyhow. And it is only now that I can say I've regained my pre-baby body. I remember when I started to get back into shape a few months after his birth, my pilates instructor told me it takes and average of 18 months to return to your former glory - and I scoffed - who has that much time?? I had a wedding looming, so needed to lose my baby belly STAT. And I did. Sort of. I lost enough weight to look cute in  my beachy wedding dress, and compared to bing pregnant, I was quite pleased with my body's progress.

There is a big difference between "acceptable" and "good", though - and good, I was not. Not when I had spent most of my life as a skinny girl, and suddenly found myself uncomfortably close to the top of my healthy weight range :s For the first time in my life, I had to diet. And work out regularly. I chose Weight Watchers (online) on the recommendation of a friend, and paired it with 1-3 times weekly sessions with Jillian Michaels (on my TV, sadly). It worked! In about 3 months, I managed to lose the 23lbs that was my goal. I am now learning how to maintain my weight, and it's a work in progress - but I can say that I am HAPPY with my body - AFTER 2 BABIES! :) I'm not going to go on about the process, but am happy to discuss it with anyone who would like to message me, and highly recommend WW and JM to anyone looking to shed some poundage.

What struck me this morning, though, was the state of my belly button. Now that my belly has a distinctly different shape, I've noticed that my belly button looks different - a telltale sign that I've had children - but what's worse is the EXTRA belly button I have above it. Before Baby 1, I had a belly button ring. I took it out as my belly gre with him, for fear of it tearing through the skin and other horrific things I'd heard about :s And I never put it back in. But unlike an ear piercing, navel piercings are done with a hollow needle that actually removes a column of flesh :s - and that doesn't grow back. You've got that hole forever.

I briefly considered reinserting a ring to fill that hole - but quickly realized I'd then be just an old person with a belly button ring. Plus, it would interfere with wearing my pants up nice and high, as old people are wont to do. Okay, I'm not quite there yet, but let's face it Mommis: no matter how much weight you lose, that belly of yours will likely never have the same texture it used to - and low rise jeans are no longer our friends. I'm not ready for the under-boob rise, but have certainly graduated to the "mid-rise". Sigh.

While I have been working to lose weight, my babies have been gaining. The Little Guy must have gone through a growth spurt because he suddenly started EATING. Meal time no longer requries an hour-long song and dance effort just to get him to ingest the minimum nutritional components to sustain life! It's s friggin' miracle, I tell you. I honestly wondered on almost a daily basis how he continued to live - and thrive! - on the amount he was previously force fed. Now, I don't have to worry (as much - as if we ever stop, right?). Baby 2, who I now refer to as my Medium Sized Guy (I do realize at almost 2 and almost 5, neither qualifies as a baby anymore), has become interested in the scale, too - he wants to "grow bigger", so has been stepping on the scale every night, hoping for an increase. He's been eating up a storm lately, as well, and has finally broken the 40lb mark! Do you know what that means? He is big enough for a booster, instead of a full car seat.

People have varying thoughts about this, I'm sure. Personally, I've always been a car seat snob and put a high value on my child's in-vehicle safety. As such, I have never considered a booster before. We have a Diono Radian RXT and a Britax Frontier CT that keep the Medium Sized Guy secure and protected in a 5-point harness up to 65lbs. BUT...they are not cheap! And while the Britax seat actually IS very easy to switch between cars, sometimes the logistics don't make sense - for example: child is sick at school, Gramma is going to pick him up, but Gramma has no carseat and Mommi has hers in car at work... Do you buy another $360 carseat for Gramma's car? If yes, you rock. And we did, when there was only one baby to transport. But since then, we reclaimed that seat we gave to Gramma (actually, she pruchased her own, so we are technically borrowing hers - isn't she wonderful?).

When Gramma has plans to take the boys out, we switch cars, so she has access to both ultra-safe seats in one of our vehicles. But for occasional and unexpected trips, like the sick child at school scenario, or extremely short trips, like just the drive to and from school (about 1 1/2 minutes in a 40km zone), another $360 seemed a bit much. So...I caved and bought my first booster. It's a super ghetto booster, too :s We used it for the first time this morning, and I was horrified. Do people actually use these things for their children on a regular basis???  I know that the answer is yes. The booster seat itself does not even attach in any way to the vehicle seat! The regular seat belt barely contains any part of my wiggly child! And he plastic clip thingy that brings the seat belt in closer above his shoulder? - a joke! Just crazy. I spent the whle 1 1/2 minutes drive looking at him in the reareview mirror, sure he was about to be dislodged at any moment - and THAT can't be safe, either.

So...I'm saving up for another couple $360 carseats...and you should, too!

Also: Avoid the dilemma and an extra belly button. Just don't pierce your navel to begin with. My two cents for the day! :)

(P.S. I am actually much less ragey, so this writing therapy worked!!! :D)
(P.P.S. Oh, until I started thinking about it again. Now, ragey, ragey, rage, rage.)

Almost-Entirely Unrelatead Car Seat Humour. Just because.