Since babies and children are prone to eating non-food items, someone created Telehealth Ontario. Before I go on, save this number in your cell phone - or write it down somewhere if you haven't joined the age of technology (weird :s): 1 866 797 0000. I'm pretty sure other provinces (and states) have similar services, but you're going to have to look those numbers up yourself - hey, maybe comment on this post and share that info if you come across it! But anyhow, there are many reasons to call Telehealth, not all of them eating-related, but I would bet a lot of money on the fact that mommis make more of said calls to Telehealth than any other group, because mommis have kids, and kids eat stuff.
This morning, my 2 1/2 year old ate one of my prenatal vitamins. I know what you're thinking: who leaves a toddler unattended with drugs? But it's not like I had a bowl of them out on the coffee table. They were in a closed cardboard box, sealed in a blister pack, on the second shelf of our kitchen cabinet uppers! But toddlers are very resourceful, and you'd be amazed at what they can accomplish in the amount of time it takes you to fill a bowl of dog food (um, for the dog...not for the toddler - though he DOES enjoy kibble...but that is another post altogether). Anyhow, I was pretty sure there wasn't any harm in that - they're just vitamins, afterall - but I decided to call Telehealth on my way to work, just to be safe.
Telehealth is a free service. An operator takes your name and contact information, and records the nature of your call, and then has a Registered Nurse call you back about the issue. The operators are trained to redirect calls that are of an urgent nature. You don't need to have your healthcard with you - or even to have a health card at all. What you DO need to have with you, however, is the toddler you're calling about. Even though he had no symptoms, they won't assess your condition unless you are able to report on symptoms at that very moment. So, back to the daycare I drove. I called a coworker to tell her I'd be late for work - she kindly offered to cover my class.
The Telehealth nurse told me that most of the vitamins in a prenatal combo are water soluble, and therefore harmless, because the child will simply pee out any excess. But vitamin A and iron can be problematic, and since my prenatal vitamin is prescription strength (PregVit 5), she referred me to Poison Control. THAT was kind of scary! The Poison Control worker worked out how much vitamin A and iron my son could safely ingest, based on his weight: 300 000 IU of vitamin A, and 420mg of iron. I didn't have the product packaging with me, so had to call the pharmacy, but was relieved to discover that the one pill my son took only contained 700 IU of vitamin A and 35mg of iron - phew! It was also good that I was able to say with certainty that he only took one pill, since they were in the blister pack, and I could count how many were left.
But that's what Telehealth does - provides reassurance to freaked out mommis! I have called a number of times, and my concern has never been warranted, luckily - but if it was, they'd help me get the help I needed ASAP.
Here are some other reasons one might call Telehealth...
Sometimes babies eat poop. Gross, I know. But it happens! I don't remember how old my little guy was - maybe a few months - but during a particularly messy diaper change, he got his little hand down there, and into his mouth faster than I could stop him! I called Telehealth. It was embarrassing, but it's an anonymous service, so that's a relief ;) I remember them asking me to repeat myself, "Your son ate what, ma'am?" And then, "And was the feces (I said poop, they were much more professional) his own?" Yes!! What was she thinking?? But apparently there was reason to ask: I learned it is actually okay to eat your own feces, because it has bacteria that has already passed through your digestive system, and is therefore already present, whereas it is NOT okay to eat someone else's feces, and introduce new bacteria to your GI tract. You're making a mental note, aren't you?
Also, if your cat (or your partner's cat - because what NORMAL person owns a cat? Just kidding ;)) catches a claw through someone's scrotum, tearing a sizable hole in it, and you're not sure if he needs a Tetanus shot (cat OR scrotum owner) or stitches, you can call Telehealth to ask. They will be there to reassure you. Incidentally, if you are able to stop the bleeding and effectively disinfect the wound (I suggest getting the victim to hold his torn scrotum over the toilet, while you pour peroxide over it repeatedly), and get the skin to come together to heal...and then just watch for infection over the next few days, you probably do not need to go for stitches or a shot. But have you ever tried bandaging someone's scrotum?? Tough business. If you manage it, I recommend securing the area in the tightest available underwear for the night.
That is advice for everyone, not just mommis. I'd probably take my son right to emergency (and later take the cat right to the vet's for humane euthanasia) if such a thing occurred...but if it happens to an adult victim...I am less concerned. Still, call Telehealth!
Oh, and you can also call Telehealth for virus-like symptoms or if you're concerned about your child's fever...normal stuff!
Anyhow: CALL TELEHEALTH. Those are my words of wisdom for today :)
Anyone else ever have to call Telehealth for unusual reasons? Anyone have info on similar services in other areas? Please share!
Thursday 1 December 2011
Thursday 17 November 2011
First Trimester Update: Avoiding Accidental Polygamy & Polygamists
This pregnancy is flying by! I am just emerging from the first trimester hell! I say it has flown by now, but weeks 5-9 were not particularly fun :s
Actually...none of it has been great, but that's because I've been sick for almost all of it :( And not the morning sickness kind: I've had either one endless cold, or one after another, I'm not sure. I mistakenly thought that your immune system is elevated when pregnant, but boy, was I wrong. Your immunity is actually compromised when pregnant. I get everything! Doesn't help that this is my son's first year of daycare, so he gets everything, too, and brings it home to me. When he's sick, he's extra snuggly, and who can resist that? But the other day, when I had to leave work to get him from daycare because he had a fever of 103.7, and took him into bed with me to rest (after a visit to the walk-in clinic), I was painfully aware of the fact that he was breathing his snotty, raspy, congested, sick air directly into my mouth and nose :s But what can you do? They're so sweet and pathetic when sick, you can't help but let them infect you!
Aside from continual respiratory illnesses, however, I've been pretty good. I did have some morning sickness which started earlier than with my last pregnancy (at about 5 1/2 weeks), was more intense, and longer-lasting than with Avery (with him, I only felt nauseous for about an hour a day for a week; this time around, it lasted until week 9, and started around 11am, continuing the rest of the day). Still, I didn't actually throw up, so I know I got off easy compared to some people. But it still sucked. I just felt gross, all the time. Nothing was appealing to me to eat, every meal was a forced effort, though I did find I felt better after I had managed a few bites. Grocery shopping was particularly painful - that's the only time I think I probably could have thrown up: I had to leave the store and wait outside, spitting into a water bottle :s I know: I'm so glamourous and sexy.
Then there's the fatigue. That's what I remember as the worst part from my first pregnancy. And it was bad this time, too - still is - though not as bad as the first time around. The first time, I remember trying to take naps at work, laying my head down on my desk, then going home and having a real nap for an hour or so, and still needing to go to bed early. The past few weeks, I've taken a nap here and there, when I can, and I'm definitely tired by around 8pm...but I don't think it's as bad as the first time, and I think I'm getting my energy back now, at the end of the first trimester. I've also been taking some sort of vitamin B combo that's supposed to help, but makes the nausea worse - catch 22.
The first time I was pregnant, I didn't really show until around 4 months. I started to feel fatter before that, but was still able to wear my regular pants, just with an elastic band slipped through the button hole and used to give me an extra inch or so. But this time, I had a definite baby bulge as early as 5 weeks! They say your muscles remember...I say mine remembered and just gave up! I was afraid I was going to "pull a Falco" (a friend of mine, who is notoriously huge during pregnancy, but is really a very petite person!) and be the size of a Buick this time! But my belly has seemed to stay the same size since that 5-week expansion, thank God.
I was very relieved to find out I am carrying just one baby. I had been nervous about twins, for several reasons. The first is that my psychic predicted twins. I know, I know - I'm not crazy! I wouldn't have given this prediction any weight EXCEPT for the fact that 4 of his other predictions HAD been accurate, including the one about me conceiving right away, which was surprising because I had needed medical intervention to help me conceive my first time. Couple that with the enormity of my belly (okay, slight exaggeration, but it was surprisingly large for that early), and I started to give it real consideration. There are also 5 sets of twins in my family, just none that recent. Finally, at my first midwife appointment, she was even surprised at the size of my uterus, and even moreso when she was able to detect a heartbeat with a Doppler that early (8 weeks)! She suspected I was carrying twins, too, and started listing off all the complications associated with multiple pregnancies, and why I'd have to go into shared care with a physician, and the greater likelihood of needing a c-section...! It was very overwhelming and scary! So, I had to go for an ultrasound to find out. Twins would have been fine...we would have managed...but we were not unhappy to discover just one, nice, strong, healthy fetus in there :) Man, I give credit to mommis of twins! I'm sure there are big rewards, and they're very cute, and the matching thing is somewhat appealing...but the sleeplessness times 2 part is not, nor is the need for 2 of everything! Anyhow: 1 baby for me - phew! :D
My skin has not been as atrocious this pregnancy, either. Though, I was prepared this time, and have been using Clindets wipes, which my dermatologist told me too late last pregnancy, are safe to use during. Also, I have not detected any worsening of the remnants of my old mask of pregnancy - but I know I have a long way to go, and didn't really notice anything until the last couple months of pregnancy last time, either :s No linea nigra yet, either! :) Fingers crossed for me that I won't get either this time!
That's it for symptoms and developments so far... We got to hear the heartbeat again at our 12 week appointment, and that's always pretty cool and moving :) Justin got to come with me this time, so it was his first time hearing. Ugh, though: at that appointment, I had to have more blood taken because I guess the bloodwork my doctor had already sent me for failed to identify my blood type - and my veins were being evasive that day, resulting in several failed attempts to get my blood, including one in my HAND :s And I had to have a Pap - never fun. This one was particularly traumatic because the midwife got me to hold all the instruments she was going to be using, and pass them to her as needed. Some things I just don't want to know about! Just let me stare at the ceiling and pretend I'm somewhere else, please.
Speaking of midwives, I want to take this opportunity to pimp them out again. Many people don't know that Midwifery care is covered by OHIP in Ontario. Or that they send you for all the same tests and ultrasounds as a doctor does. Or that they actually have MORE dedicated education in all things "baby" than doctors. Or that having a midwife doesn't mean you have to have a home birth (though you can). Or that they're not all crazy, woodsy, hippie-types. I will grant you, that was one of my concerns, as well. There is the assumption that midwives look a lot like the polygamists on Big Love - and this isn't always false. But if you look hard enough, you will find that many are not, in fact, polygamists, nor do they look like them or share the same beliefs :P That was my criteria for selecting a midwife this time. I had to find another, because I have moved and can't be cared for by my last one, who is now out of area. Two friends recommended theirs, and I went online to see who looked least like Nicki from Big Love (Barb or Marge might be okay), and both clinics had photos of their caregivers, many of whom I was sure were not polygamists. Ultimately, however, I chose a midwife at another clinic, nearer to my home and work, purely for convenience. This is not a diatribe on polygamy; in fact, I don't really have anything against polygamists...okay, wait...maybe I do...I don't know...but that is not my point. My point is that it's important to choose a caregiver for your pregnancy that you feel comfortable with and can establish a rapport with. Personally, I relate better to people who don't live on compounds and share spouses. But that's just me. I hope my readers can appreciate this attempt at humour, and aren't totally offended right now ;) In defense of polygamists everywhere, I should add that I was briefly a polygamist, myself - accidentally! Justin and I recently bought a new home, and when we were doing the paperwork for the mortgage with the legal assistant, we declared ourselves common-law spouses. But the next question was about my last name, which I'm only in the process of changing back to my maiden name. It came out that I am technically, legally still married. Which briefly made me a polygamist, right? But the problem was quickly corrected when we decided to list ourselves as 2 single individuals purchasing a home together instead. And I really hope my divorce gets finalized soon. As in, before this baby's born. For obvious, and slightly sketchy reasons. But anyway. If you'd like more legitimate information on why I recommend midwives, please see my earlier post: Fisting, Midwives, and Indian Rug Burn :)
So, what do you think? Do you think the differences in pregnancy symptoms between this pregnancy and my first suggest that I might be carrying a girl this time? I have no idea. And no preference. Honestly. I think a lot of people assume that girls want girls. But that is not always the case. I love my boy! One of each would be nice, but if I could only have one gender, I think I'd rather have all boys than all girls. The previously mentioned pregnant friend who is expecting her THIRD girl, however, thinks I'm crazy ;)
Guesses or predictions? I wish SOMEone could tell me what I'm having! I don't care which, but definitely want to know! We're scheduled for the ultrasound that will potentially reveal the gender (if baby cooperates) just before Christmas :)
Actually...none of it has been great, but that's because I've been sick for almost all of it :( And not the morning sickness kind: I've had either one endless cold, or one after another, I'm not sure. I mistakenly thought that your immune system is elevated when pregnant, but boy, was I wrong. Your immunity is actually compromised when pregnant. I get everything! Doesn't help that this is my son's first year of daycare, so he gets everything, too, and brings it home to me. When he's sick, he's extra snuggly, and who can resist that? But the other day, when I had to leave work to get him from daycare because he had a fever of 103.7, and took him into bed with me to rest (after a visit to the walk-in clinic), I was painfully aware of the fact that he was breathing his snotty, raspy, congested, sick air directly into my mouth and nose :s But what can you do? They're so sweet and pathetic when sick, you can't help but let them infect you!
Aside from continual respiratory illnesses, however, I've been pretty good. I did have some morning sickness which started earlier than with my last pregnancy (at about 5 1/2 weeks), was more intense, and longer-lasting than with Avery (with him, I only felt nauseous for about an hour a day for a week; this time around, it lasted until week 9, and started around 11am, continuing the rest of the day). Still, I didn't actually throw up, so I know I got off easy compared to some people. But it still sucked. I just felt gross, all the time. Nothing was appealing to me to eat, every meal was a forced effort, though I did find I felt better after I had managed a few bites. Grocery shopping was particularly painful - that's the only time I think I probably could have thrown up: I had to leave the store and wait outside, spitting into a water bottle :s I know: I'm so glamourous and sexy.
Then there's the fatigue. That's what I remember as the worst part from my first pregnancy. And it was bad this time, too - still is - though not as bad as the first time around. The first time, I remember trying to take naps at work, laying my head down on my desk, then going home and having a real nap for an hour or so, and still needing to go to bed early. The past few weeks, I've taken a nap here and there, when I can, and I'm definitely tired by around 8pm...but I don't think it's as bad as the first time, and I think I'm getting my energy back now, at the end of the first trimester. I've also been taking some sort of vitamin B combo that's supposed to help, but makes the nausea worse - catch 22.
The first time I was pregnant, I didn't really show until around 4 months. I started to feel fatter before that, but was still able to wear my regular pants, just with an elastic band slipped through the button hole and used to give me an extra inch or so. But this time, I had a definite baby bulge as early as 5 weeks! They say your muscles remember...I say mine remembered and just gave up! I was afraid I was going to "pull a Falco" (a friend of mine, who is notoriously huge during pregnancy, but is really a very petite person!) and be the size of a Buick this time! But my belly has seemed to stay the same size since that 5-week expansion, thank God.
I was very relieved to find out I am carrying just one baby. I had been nervous about twins, for several reasons. The first is that my psychic predicted twins. I know, I know - I'm not crazy! I wouldn't have given this prediction any weight EXCEPT for the fact that 4 of his other predictions HAD been accurate, including the one about me conceiving right away, which was surprising because I had needed medical intervention to help me conceive my first time. Couple that with the enormity of my belly (okay, slight exaggeration, but it was surprisingly large for that early), and I started to give it real consideration. There are also 5 sets of twins in my family, just none that recent. Finally, at my first midwife appointment, she was even surprised at the size of my uterus, and even moreso when she was able to detect a heartbeat with a Doppler that early (8 weeks)! She suspected I was carrying twins, too, and started listing off all the complications associated with multiple pregnancies, and why I'd have to go into shared care with a physician, and the greater likelihood of needing a c-section...! It was very overwhelming and scary! So, I had to go for an ultrasound to find out. Twins would have been fine...we would have managed...but we were not unhappy to discover just one, nice, strong, healthy fetus in there :) Man, I give credit to mommis of twins! I'm sure there are big rewards, and they're very cute, and the matching thing is somewhat appealing...but the sleeplessness times 2 part is not, nor is the need for 2 of everything! Anyhow: 1 baby for me - phew! :D
My skin has not been as atrocious this pregnancy, either. Though, I was prepared this time, and have been using Clindets wipes, which my dermatologist told me too late last pregnancy, are safe to use during. Also, I have not detected any worsening of the remnants of my old mask of pregnancy - but I know I have a long way to go, and didn't really notice anything until the last couple months of pregnancy last time, either :s No linea nigra yet, either! :) Fingers crossed for me that I won't get either this time!
That's it for symptoms and developments so far... We got to hear the heartbeat again at our 12 week appointment, and that's always pretty cool and moving :) Justin got to come with me this time, so it was his first time hearing. Ugh, though: at that appointment, I had to have more blood taken because I guess the bloodwork my doctor had already sent me for failed to identify my blood type - and my veins were being evasive that day, resulting in several failed attempts to get my blood, including one in my HAND :s And I had to have a Pap - never fun. This one was particularly traumatic because the midwife got me to hold all the instruments she was going to be using, and pass them to her as needed. Some things I just don't want to know about! Just let me stare at the ceiling and pretend I'm somewhere else, please.
Speaking of midwives, I want to take this opportunity to pimp them out again. Many people don't know that Midwifery care is covered by OHIP in Ontario. Or that they send you for all the same tests and ultrasounds as a doctor does. Or that they actually have MORE dedicated education in all things "baby" than doctors. Or that having a midwife doesn't mean you have to have a home birth (though you can). Or that they're not all crazy, woodsy, hippie-types. I will grant you, that was one of my concerns, as well. There is the assumption that midwives look a lot like the polygamists on Big Love - and this isn't always false. But if you look hard enough, you will find that many are not, in fact, polygamists, nor do they look like them or share the same beliefs :P That was my criteria for selecting a midwife this time. I had to find another, because I have moved and can't be cared for by my last one, who is now out of area. Two friends recommended theirs, and I went online to see who looked least like Nicki from Big Love (Barb or Marge might be okay), and both clinics had photos of their caregivers, many of whom I was sure were not polygamists. Ultimately, however, I chose a midwife at another clinic, nearer to my home and work, purely for convenience. This is not a diatribe on polygamy; in fact, I don't really have anything against polygamists...okay, wait...maybe I do...I don't know...but that is not my point. My point is that it's important to choose a caregiver for your pregnancy that you feel comfortable with and can establish a rapport with. Personally, I relate better to people who don't live on compounds and share spouses. But that's just me. I hope my readers can appreciate this attempt at humour, and aren't totally offended right now ;) In defense of polygamists everywhere, I should add that I was briefly a polygamist, myself - accidentally! Justin and I recently bought a new home, and when we were doing the paperwork for the mortgage with the legal assistant, we declared ourselves common-law spouses. But the next question was about my last name, which I'm only in the process of changing back to my maiden name. It came out that I am technically, legally still married. Which briefly made me a polygamist, right? But the problem was quickly corrected when we decided to list ourselves as 2 single individuals purchasing a home together instead. And I really hope my divorce gets finalized soon. As in, before this baby's born. For obvious, and slightly sketchy reasons. But anyway. If you'd like more legitimate information on why I recommend midwives, please see my earlier post: Fisting, Midwives, and Indian Rug Burn :)
So, what do you think? Do you think the differences in pregnancy symptoms between this pregnancy and my first suggest that I might be carrying a girl this time? I have no idea. And no preference. Honestly. I think a lot of people assume that girls want girls. But that is not always the case. I love my boy! One of each would be nice, but if I could only have one gender, I think I'd rather have all boys than all girls. The previously mentioned pregnant friend who is expecting her THIRD girl, however, thinks I'm crazy ;)
Guesses or predictions? I wish SOMEone could tell me what I'm having! I don't care which, but definitely want to know! We're scheduled for the ultrasound that will potentially reveal the gender (if baby cooperates) just before Christmas :)
Friday 11 November 2011
Where the Pee Pee Goes
This post is actually the result of a request! My very first request! Of course, said request was made via facebook, and not a comment on the blog...why do so few people comment ON the blog?? I get lots of feedback via private message and facebook, but can't seem to crack you guys into commenting HERE... Such a mystery! But anyway, I am happy for feedback through any medium, and was excited about this request. A friend said she was waiting for a post on potty training, as she was stumped on the issue with her own son, of a similar age.
Well...I am certainly no authority on the subject - but then again, I'm no authority on any of the subjects I write about here, so no matter ;) When people ask me if my son is potty trained, I give them a percentage: he's about 80% potty trained. We are potty trainING.
Here is what little advice I can offer:
My son is almost always naked. We started "Naked Time" when he was about a year, because that's when he got the uric acid burns from SOMEONE leaving him in a wet diaper for far too long. I treated his sore bum with warm baking soda baths, followed by lots of air time, so that the area was clean and dry before another diaper went on. I think that leaving him naked so much of the time taught him a bit of control. He rarely peed on the floor - and even less frequently POOed on the floor! He knows that peepee does not go on the floor.
After he'd been naked for a while, I'd know he hadn't peed for at least that long, either, so I started strategically putting him on his potty (we chose a small, white and green, potty slash stepstool model to start with) when I knew there was the best chance he'd have to go. This went on for months, with no success. But I figured, just getting him to feel comfortable on the potty was a step in the right direction, so we read books and ate Cheerios while sitting there.
I planned to not make a big deal if he didn't go, but throw a big celebration if ever he did. And it finally happened! After months of trying, he finally let a few drops of pee out into the potty while my mom was watching him! She held the celebration, and saved the pee in said potty for me to gush over later (no pun intended). I was sure that once he had gone the first time, it would come easier after that.
Nope! Several more months when by without a repeat performance. But finally, it happened again. I had been spending 20 minutes at a time, entertaining him while he sat on the potty, waiting for pee, and what I learned was that it's more about timing than the amount of time spent on the potty. If he doesn't go right away, it's not going to happen. If he has to go, he'll pee as soon as he sits down. This revelation saved us lots of time and frustration.
And after that, he did start peeing almost every time I put him on the potty. I was giving him a chocolate rosebud as a reward each time this happened, but this led to others issues :s He started wanting to "try" to pee all the time, but it was only to get the treat. If I denied him said treat, a big rage attack would ensue (this was also right around the time his classic Terrible Two tantrums began anyway), and I started to wonder if the caffeine from the chocolate was causing them. It probably wasn't, but I'm like that, so I switched to organic yogourt-covered raisins instead :) Problem solved! Coincidence? I don't know.
As a next step, we have dabbled a bit with going without a diaper, and I just ask the little guy if he needs to go peepee on the potty every 10 minutes or so, and remind him: "Remember you have no diapey on, so you have to tell Mommi when you have to pee". For the most part, it has been successful, and when diaperless, he will even tell me when he has to pee, and then off we go to the potty :D
But we are also stumped on two points.
The first is just consistency. I am not home with him every hour of every day, and at daycare, he wears a diaper. They put him on the potty every 2 hours when they change his diaper, but if he doesn't go in the 30 seconds they allot, then he doesn't go at all. So far, he has gone peepee on the potty at daycare exactly twice in 4 months. There is a lack of consistency when he goes to his dad's, as well. Last time I asked Daddi, he told me he has not used the potty at his house. I asked if he even tried, and that ended any sort of honest communication we may have been capable of :s So now, I don't ask, and consequently, don't know if he's bothering to try to get our son to use the potty there or not. This is obviously problematic, but if we had been able to respectfully communicate and see eye to eye on what's best for our son in the first place, we might still be married!
So, I've been waiting for the "right time" to provide the little guy with some of the missing diaperless consistency, and I think I'll get my chance over Christmas holidays. I'll be home with Avery for almost 2 weeks straight, and plan to just not put a diaper on him, and ask him constantly if he needs to go peepee for the duration of those 2 weeks. With 2 exceptions, but I'll get there in a minute. After Christmas break, I'll start sending him to daycare with only one diaper for naptime, and about 6 changes of clothes in case of accidents :)
The other point I'm stumped on is my son's absolute refusal to poopoo on the potty. Or at daycare. He just won't do it; he holds it in! He will say, "Uh oh! Poopoo! Diapey on, Mama!" And I ask him why don't we try to do a poopoo on the potty, but he either says no, or we try, but nothing happens. He tries! He knows how to "push" and will TOOT on the potty...but no poopoo. If not given a diapered opportunity to poop, he will hold it in for days at a time, and I know that can't be good. My ex-nephew got a distended bowel from holding in his poop!
Oddly, he has no aversion to pooping in many public places. There is a clothing store by our cottage that we would visit every day, every time without fail, Avery would hide behind a rack of clothing and tell us he was "not poopin'". That's how we know he is, in fact, pooping. Once we stopped at a convenience store on a road trip, and he held an entire aisle hostage, yelling "NOT POOPIN"" if anyone tried to go down that aisle. He likes to poop in closets, and once used the one in a model home, announcing to me, but also to another family going through, "Avewy (he struggles with Rs) do a big MAN poopoo, Mama!" We often find him behind the couch or behind the curtains in the living room, "not poopin'". And if the ideal spot doesn't pressent itself, he's not opposed to simply stopping in the middle of a public place, covering his face, and going to town - not poopin', of course. As parents, we are supposed to teach our children, but there are a number of behaviours we pick up from them, as well, and Justin now frequently tells me when he is not farting... :s
But getting back on track, my revised plan is to has him go diaperless all day, but give him an opportunity to poop in a diaper after dinner, before bedtime. The other exception is nighttime. I will still put him in a diaper at bedtime - mostly because I am such a sleep Nazi, I don't want to start getting up in the night for potty trips! Selfish, I know, but furthermore, my son does not yet wake up when he has to pee, nor does he stay dry all night, so I kind of think it might be too soon to try nighttime potty training anyway.
I'm not really sure how I'll get him to start going poopoo in the potty :s But I sort of feel like, just like the peepeeing, it will just happen one day. He's only 2 years and 5 months, and I'm told boys often take longer to become fully potty trained...sigh. ;)
What do you other Mommis think? I'd love any advice you might be able to offer, as well as to hear your own potty training tales!
Well...I am certainly no authority on the subject - but then again, I'm no authority on any of the subjects I write about here, so no matter ;) When people ask me if my son is potty trained, I give them a percentage: he's about 80% potty trained. We are potty trainING.
Here is what little advice I can offer:
My son is almost always naked. We started "Naked Time" when he was about a year, because that's when he got the uric acid burns from SOMEONE leaving him in a wet diaper for far too long. I treated his sore bum with warm baking soda baths, followed by lots of air time, so that the area was clean and dry before another diaper went on. I think that leaving him naked so much of the time taught him a bit of control. He rarely peed on the floor - and even less frequently POOed on the floor! He knows that peepee does not go on the floor.
After he'd been naked for a while, I'd know he hadn't peed for at least that long, either, so I started strategically putting him on his potty (we chose a small, white and green, potty slash stepstool model to start with) when I knew there was the best chance he'd have to go. This went on for months, with no success. But I figured, just getting him to feel comfortable on the potty was a step in the right direction, so we read books and ate Cheerios while sitting there.
I planned to not make a big deal if he didn't go, but throw a big celebration if ever he did. And it finally happened! After months of trying, he finally let a few drops of pee out into the potty while my mom was watching him! She held the celebration, and saved the pee in said potty for me to gush over later (no pun intended). I was sure that once he had gone the first time, it would come easier after that.
Nope! Several more months when by without a repeat performance. But finally, it happened again. I had been spending 20 minutes at a time, entertaining him while he sat on the potty, waiting for pee, and what I learned was that it's more about timing than the amount of time spent on the potty. If he doesn't go right away, it's not going to happen. If he has to go, he'll pee as soon as he sits down. This revelation saved us lots of time and frustration.
And after that, he did start peeing almost every time I put him on the potty. I was giving him a chocolate rosebud as a reward each time this happened, but this led to others issues :s He started wanting to "try" to pee all the time, but it was only to get the treat. If I denied him said treat, a big rage attack would ensue (this was also right around the time his classic Terrible Two tantrums began anyway), and I started to wonder if the caffeine from the chocolate was causing them. It probably wasn't, but I'm like that, so I switched to organic yogourt-covered raisins instead :) Problem solved! Coincidence? I don't know.
As a next step, we have dabbled a bit with going without a diaper, and I just ask the little guy if he needs to go peepee on the potty every 10 minutes or so, and remind him: "Remember you have no diapey on, so you have to tell Mommi when you have to pee". For the most part, it has been successful, and when diaperless, he will even tell me when he has to pee, and then off we go to the potty :D
But we are also stumped on two points.
The first is just consistency. I am not home with him every hour of every day, and at daycare, he wears a diaper. They put him on the potty every 2 hours when they change his diaper, but if he doesn't go in the 30 seconds they allot, then he doesn't go at all. So far, he has gone peepee on the potty at daycare exactly twice in 4 months. There is a lack of consistency when he goes to his dad's, as well. Last time I asked Daddi, he told me he has not used the potty at his house. I asked if he even tried, and that ended any sort of honest communication we may have been capable of :s So now, I don't ask, and consequently, don't know if he's bothering to try to get our son to use the potty there or not. This is obviously problematic, but if we had been able to respectfully communicate and see eye to eye on what's best for our son in the first place, we might still be married!
So, I've been waiting for the "right time" to provide the little guy with some of the missing diaperless consistency, and I think I'll get my chance over Christmas holidays. I'll be home with Avery for almost 2 weeks straight, and plan to just not put a diaper on him, and ask him constantly if he needs to go peepee for the duration of those 2 weeks. With 2 exceptions, but I'll get there in a minute. After Christmas break, I'll start sending him to daycare with only one diaper for naptime, and about 6 changes of clothes in case of accidents :)
The other point I'm stumped on is my son's absolute refusal to poopoo on the potty. Or at daycare. He just won't do it; he holds it in! He will say, "Uh oh! Poopoo! Diapey on, Mama!" And I ask him why don't we try to do a poopoo on the potty, but he either says no, or we try, but nothing happens. He tries! He knows how to "push" and will TOOT on the potty...but no poopoo. If not given a diapered opportunity to poop, he will hold it in for days at a time, and I know that can't be good. My ex-nephew got a distended bowel from holding in his poop!
Oddly, he has no aversion to pooping in many public places. There is a clothing store by our cottage that we would visit every day, every time without fail, Avery would hide behind a rack of clothing and tell us he was "not poopin'". That's how we know he is, in fact, pooping. Once we stopped at a convenience store on a road trip, and he held an entire aisle hostage, yelling "NOT POOPIN"" if anyone tried to go down that aisle. He likes to poop in closets, and once used the one in a model home, announcing to me, but also to another family going through, "Avewy (he struggles with Rs) do a big MAN poopoo, Mama!" We often find him behind the couch or behind the curtains in the living room, "not poopin'". And if the ideal spot doesn't pressent itself, he's not opposed to simply stopping in the middle of a public place, covering his face, and going to town - not poopin', of course. As parents, we are supposed to teach our children, but there are a number of behaviours we pick up from them, as well, and Justin now frequently tells me when he is not farting... :s
But getting back on track, my revised plan is to has him go diaperless all day, but give him an opportunity to poop in a diaper after dinner, before bedtime. The other exception is nighttime. I will still put him in a diaper at bedtime - mostly because I am such a sleep Nazi, I don't want to start getting up in the night for potty trips! Selfish, I know, but furthermore, my son does not yet wake up when he has to pee, nor does he stay dry all night, so I kind of think it might be too soon to try nighttime potty training anyway.
I'm not really sure how I'll get him to start going poopoo in the potty :s But I sort of feel like, just like the peepeeing, it will just happen one day. He's only 2 years and 5 months, and I'm told boys often take longer to become fully potty trained...sigh. ;)
What do you other Mommis think? I'd love any advice you might be able to offer, as well as to hear your own potty training tales!
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Soon to be Mommi of 2 - Not Accidentally!
Well, I was 12 weeks yesterday, and have already gone public in other areas of my life, so I figured it's about time I share the news with my fabulous followers...I'm expecting a second child in May! :D
I still have a number of posts I want to share with regard to my first baby experience (ongoing), but felt there's no netter time to document the reality of pregnancy than while it's happening! I expect this to be a very different experience, simply because I have a very supportive partner in this with me this time, and also because I'm not totally new to the game ;) So, here's what's happening..!
Justin and I decided we wanted to expand our family in August. We had talked about it for a while, and decided that other aspects in our life were finally falling into place, making it "the right time". Ideally, I would have liked a September-November or February-March baby - but the latter would just have required waiting too long! So, I was hoping for a Decemberish conception. Given that conceiving my first child took some time, and the assistance of Clomid, we decided I would go off The Pill right away, and we'd just "see how things went" for a while, getting more serious (medical intervention) in the late Fall. I took my last Pill on August 12th, started my period on August 15th (sorry, guys, but this is pertinent info), and expected my next on to start September 12th or thereabouts (given that I generally have a much longer and somewhat unpredictable cycle when it's not being regulated by The Pill).
A friend had given me a book called Take Charge of Your Fertility, and I had every intention of reading it...really, I did...but said friend is really very knowledgeable, and gave me a Coles Notes version of how to read my vaginal mucous :S I looked at it (the mucous). Whenever it made an appearance. But I can't say I was serious enough at that point to actually go in after it or make recordings or anything. Still, apparently, I was looking for "egg whites", and I was pretty sure I got some! So, we DID IT. A lot. Well, not too much (didn't want to use it all up at once, know what I mean?) - but once a day, everyday - even when we didn't particularly want to, for a 2-week range when I thought I might be ovulating, coincidentally, over Labour Day weekend at the cottage ;) Oh, and I inverted and elevated my abdomen with a pillow and my feet propped up on the headboard for a few minutes after each time, just to be safe! I had read (and been made fun of by friends) that that actually has no benefit, but who cares? I did it the first time, and it worked...
On September 10th - 2 days before my expected period, I couldn't bear the suspense and decided to take a pregnancy test early. IT WAS POSITIVE! :D Just like that! I had taken the test at night, but it was a 2-pack, so I took the second test with "fresh morning urine" (Man, the business of baby-making is just rife with grossness, isn't it?), and it was also positive :D I told Justin and we were both thrilled. I was teary. There was hugging. And then I sent out a photo of my positive test to a few select friends :) We agreed not to go public with the news for some time, but come on...a girl has to tell a few.
What a difference from my first conception experience! I guess it's true that, after childbirth, everything about you changes - your hormones get completely reset.
And so, the adventure continues. I plan to share all the lurid details of this pregnancy, but as is common in the first trimester, I'm really quite tired, so that's all I can manage for now ;) Oh, I lied - of course I have the energy to include a scan of our first ultrasound (9 weeks, 5 days)... <3
Any mommis care to share second (or more) pregnancy tales? Was it completely different than your first experience? In what ways? What do you think is the "ideal" gap in age between children (or do you think one is enough?)? What's your idea of the perfect birth-month?
I still have a number of posts I want to share with regard to my first baby experience (ongoing), but felt there's no netter time to document the reality of pregnancy than while it's happening! I expect this to be a very different experience, simply because I have a very supportive partner in this with me this time, and also because I'm not totally new to the game ;) So, here's what's happening..!
Justin and I decided we wanted to expand our family in August. We had talked about it for a while, and decided that other aspects in our life were finally falling into place, making it "the right time". Ideally, I would have liked a September-November or February-March baby - but the latter would just have required waiting too long! So, I was hoping for a Decemberish conception. Given that conceiving my first child took some time, and the assistance of Clomid, we decided I would go off The Pill right away, and we'd just "see how things went" for a while, getting more serious (medical intervention) in the late Fall. I took my last Pill on August 12th, started my period on August 15th (sorry, guys, but this is pertinent info), and expected my next on to start September 12th or thereabouts (given that I generally have a much longer and somewhat unpredictable cycle when it's not being regulated by The Pill).
A friend had given me a book called Take Charge of Your Fertility, and I had every intention of reading it...really, I did...but said friend is really very knowledgeable, and gave me a Coles Notes version of how to read my vaginal mucous :S I looked at it (the mucous). Whenever it made an appearance. But I can't say I was serious enough at that point to actually go in after it or make recordings or anything. Still, apparently, I was looking for "egg whites", and I was pretty sure I got some! So, we DID IT. A lot. Well, not too much (didn't want to use it all up at once, know what I mean?) - but once a day, everyday - even when we didn't particularly want to, for a 2-week range when I thought I might be ovulating, coincidentally, over Labour Day weekend at the cottage ;) Oh, and I inverted and elevated my abdomen with a pillow and my feet propped up on the headboard for a few minutes after each time, just to be safe! I had read (and been made fun of by friends) that that actually has no benefit, but who cares? I did it the first time, and it worked...
On September 10th - 2 days before my expected period, I couldn't bear the suspense and decided to take a pregnancy test early. IT WAS POSITIVE! :D Just like that! I had taken the test at night, but it was a 2-pack, so I took the second test with "fresh morning urine" (Man, the business of baby-making is just rife with grossness, isn't it?), and it was also positive :D I told Justin and we were both thrilled. I was teary. There was hugging. And then I sent out a photo of my positive test to a few select friends :) We agreed not to go public with the news for some time, but come on...a girl has to tell a few.
What a difference from my first conception experience! I guess it's true that, after childbirth, everything about you changes - your hormones get completely reset.
And so, the adventure continues. I plan to share all the lurid details of this pregnancy, but as is common in the first trimester, I'm really quite tired, so that's all I can manage for now ;) Oh, I lied - of course I have the energy to include a scan of our first ultrasound (9 weeks, 5 days)... <3
Any mommis care to share second (or more) pregnancy tales? Was it completely different than your first experience? In what ways? What do you think is the "ideal" gap in age between children (or do you think one is enough?)? What's your idea of the perfect birth-month?
Thursday 27 October 2011
Define Perfect
A few days after my son was born, a little mark appeared on his cheek. It looked like a little bruise and I worried that I had somehow injured him. But when my midwife came to see us, I asked her, and she told me it was a cafe au lait spot - a type of birthmark. This was confirmed by my doctor, who told me that this particular type of birthmark would not go away, but should not really change much over the years either. I was okay with that; I think the little spot is cute - it's like a little thumbprint that begs to be kissed :)
I thought no more of it. So, when my mother in law asked me after one doctor's appointment, what the doctor had said about it, I said, "Nothing. It's a birthmark. There's nothing more to say about it," rather defensively. Her response did nothing to make me feel less defensive: sensing my defensiveness, she tried to be reassuring. "Oh. Right. And we can just put makeup on it for photos." EXCUSE ME??? There is nothing wrong or in need of covering about my son! We will NOT be putting makeup on him, thanks!
From time to time, someone will ask what's on his cheek - usually children, sometimes adults. I don't mind that. I simply tell them it's a birthmark, and that's the end of that. Children have no filter at this age and and naturally curious, but they aren't inherently mean. A friend's little girl thought he was being particularly helpful one time while I was cleaning my son up after dinner. "Oh," she said, "He has chocolate on his cheek!" It was actually pretty cute.
Over time, though, the mark did change a little. It got a little larger and a little darker. My doctor told me that it was just a change in pigment, likely due to sun exposure, and that it wasn't actually growing, just stretching as his face and skin grew - no reason for concern. Okay then, I'm not concerned :)
But his father feels differently. When I drop him off at his house, Dad often pokes at the mark and inspects it, telling me we need to have it removed. Saying this bothers me would be an understatement. When I look at our son, I don't even notice the birthmark, and if I do, I love it - it's what makes him unique, it's adorable, he's perfect and beautiful. I look at him and see his bright blue eyes, his adorable blonde curls, his mischievous smile...I see how big and healthy and strong he is, how smart, what a little sense of humour he has. I just can not understand how anyone can look at him and find flaw.
But I do understand that kids can be cruel as they get older. I know someone will make fun of him at some point in his life. But I figure everyone gets teased about something. I hope that I will raise him with enough confidence and encouragement that a little teasing about something so minimal won't bother him. He's big and athletic and has a big personality. I think he'll have lots of friends from those qualities, in school, on sports teams, and those kids will appreciate him for his skills and kindness and humour, and stop noticing the little beige thumbprint on his cheek, or at least stop thinking of it as a negative. But in order for him to grow up with that self esteem, I think it's integral that he feel that unconditional love from his family, and NEVER any doubt from any one of US that there's anything wrong with him. THERE ISN'T!
I did want to make sure I had been given the correct information about his birthmark and that there were no medical concerns associated with it, so I took him to see a dermatologist. She told me that I had, in fact, been slightly mislead: it is not actually a birthmark; it is a type of mole. But still, it was perfectly healthy and she saw no reason for concern. We will take him for an annual check up each year, at which she will measure and inspect the mole for concerning changes, and we will be diligent about using sunblock on him. She said the mole would grow with him, but proportionally to his face, and there was no reason to believe it would overtake it. I asked her about potential social implication the mole might cause him later in life. She acknowledged them, but assured me that the mole really wasn't a big deal, and that surgical removal of it would result in a significant scar, and more concerning: he'd have to undergo general anaesthesia, rather than just local, because kids his age just don't stay still for doctor's to operate on them without it. General anaesthesia always comes with risks, particularly in young children and infants, and I recently learned from my cousin, people affected by Thompkin's Disease have to be extra careful and another step needs to be in play if such a person needs to have general anaesthesia. My son has not been tested for Thompkin's, and I have no reason to believe he has it, but since we have now detected it in our family, it's a possibility for which we should all be prepared. Anyhow, the bottom line is that the risks of surgical removal at this point outweigh any questionable benefits. The doctor told me that if we were talking about her own daughter, she would leave it around. It was the mommi's advice that she gave me that solidified my position on it, even moreso than the dermatologist's. I decided to do nothing about the mole. Except I also decided to keep calling the spot a birthmark, because it somehow sounds cuter than "mole" ;)
Fast forward another few months: life goes on, my son is beautiful and perfect, he's healthy, he's growing, he's learning so much. And his dad brings the birthmark up again. Give it a rest already! He tells me that the birthmark is growing and our son is going to hate us later in life (actually, he tells me - not for the first time - that our son will hate me when he's older, because he will tell him terrible things about me, including the fact the he wanted to have the mark removed, and I refused). He says it's going to overtake his cheek and become the size of a baseball. (Note: it's still the size of a thumbprint) He says he needs laser surgery to remove it. I remembered something else the dermatologist had told me: that while laser surgery can be effective at removing surface cells, moles go many cells deep. The risk of removing only the pigmented cells on the skin's surface is that it effectively removes your only warning signs should anything happen and the cells mutate into something cancerous! I repeat everything the dermatologist shared with me, and my opinion that the best thing to do for our son is to love him, not make a big deal out of something that is nothing, and keep an eye out for changes. He is not satisfied, so I tell him I will make another appointment with the dermatologist, and that maybe he should attend this one (he has not attended a single medical appointment for him in the past), so that he can ask his questions and get the information firsthand, since he doubts what I report back to him.
And I did make that appointment, and surprisingly, his dad did attend. My mother took my son to it since I was working, and the dermatologist only allowed one adult in the room for the appointment, so I had to ask his dad what the doctor has said. He told me a very different story than what I later got by calling the dermatologist's office for a report myself. The medical notes held only the same information I had been given the time before: everything was fine, the doctor's medical opinion was that no treatment was advisable. But still his dad was insistent that surgical removal was needed. He went so far as to get a referral to a plastic surgeon! I was furious, and had to notify the dermatologist's office that, as per our Separation Agreement, I have decision making power on non-emergency medical decisions. So, dad can make as many appointments as he wants, but cannot authorize a procedure. Note to self: fax copies of Separation Agreement to dermatologist, plastic surgeon, family physician...
WHY WHY WHY??? Why is he so intent on viewing our child's adorable little thumbprint birthmark as an imperfection? Seriously: show me a child who is perfect! I bet you probably can. Every mommi will present me with their child :) But now show me a child who is perfect by everyone's definition. I look around the room at the daycare my son attends: there's the little girl with a bright red birthmark showing above the collar of her shirt. There's the little boy with a lazy eye. There's the girl with two hearing aids. There's another with thick glasses. There's a boy in a wheelchair with osteogenesis imperfecta (Don't know what that is? Read Jodi Picoult's Handle with Care - great book! Actually, most of hers are...but I digress). There's a little girl with a healing scar from corrective surgery for a harelip. There's a little girl with fiery red hair and a multitude of freckles. There's a skinny kid. There's a chubby kid. There's a short kid. There's a kid who stands way taller than everyone else. There's a kid with a lisp. There's a kid who stutters. There's a kid who hasn't mastered consonants. AND THEY'RE ALL ADORABLE, LOVABLE, PERFECT.
The kids with hearing and vision aids, and who had undergone corrective surgery, were treated because their differences were medical, and necessary. Not because their parents just didn't like what they saw! Isn't it better to teach kids tolerance, acceptance, and love - than that we need to change or correct anything unique about them?
I understand where his dad's concern comes from. Any mommi (or daddi) feels such tremendous love for her child that the very notion of them suffering in any way at any time is unbearable - and suffering teasing or bullying counts. I want to do right by my son. I want to make the best decisions for him. I hope he has the easiest life possible. But will removing a unique and harmless part of him do that? I don't think so...but I can't say I'm 100% sure about that. And so, I will allow the appointment with the plastic surgeon, and I will attend with an open mind. I will listen to his professional recommendation and learn about the options available to us.
But I still maintain that my son is absolutely perfect, just the way he is.
I thought no more of it. So, when my mother in law asked me after one doctor's appointment, what the doctor had said about it, I said, "Nothing. It's a birthmark. There's nothing more to say about it," rather defensively. Her response did nothing to make me feel less defensive: sensing my defensiveness, she tried to be reassuring. "Oh. Right. And we can just put makeup on it for photos." EXCUSE ME??? There is nothing wrong or in need of covering about my son! We will NOT be putting makeup on him, thanks!
From time to time, someone will ask what's on his cheek - usually children, sometimes adults. I don't mind that. I simply tell them it's a birthmark, and that's the end of that. Children have no filter at this age and and naturally curious, but they aren't inherently mean. A friend's little girl thought he was being particularly helpful one time while I was cleaning my son up after dinner. "Oh," she said, "He has chocolate on his cheek!" It was actually pretty cute.
Over time, though, the mark did change a little. It got a little larger and a little darker. My doctor told me that it was just a change in pigment, likely due to sun exposure, and that it wasn't actually growing, just stretching as his face and skin grew - no reason for concern. Okay then, I'm not concerned :)
But his father feels differently. When I drop him off at his house, Dad often pokes at the mark and inspects it, telling me we need to have it removed. Saying this bothers me would be an understatement. When I look at our son, I don't even notice the birthmark, and if I do, I love it - it's what makes him unique, it's adorable, he's perfect and beautiful. I look at him and see his bright blue eyes, his adorable blonde curls, his mischievous smile...I see how big and healthy and strong he is, how smart, what a little sense of humour he has. I just can not understand how anyone can look at him and find flaw.
But I do understand that kids can be cruel as they get older. I know someone will make fun of him at some point in his life. But I figure everyone gets teased about something. I hope that I will raise him with enough confidence and encouragement that a little teasing about something so minimal won't bother him. He's big and athletic and has a big personality. I think he'll have lots of friends from those qualities, in school, on sports teams, and those kids will appreciate him for his skills and kindness and humour, and stop noticing the little beige thumbprint on his cheek, or at least stop thinking of it as a negative. But in order for him to grow up with that self esteem, I think it's integral that he feel that unconditional love from his family, and NEVER any doubt from any one of US that there's anything wrong with him. THERE ISN'T!
I did want to make sure I had been given the correct information about his birthmark and that there were no medical concerns associated with it, so I took him to see a dermatologist. She told me that I had, in fact, been slightly mislead: it is not actually a birthmark; it is a type of mole. But still, it was perfectly healthy and she saw no reason for concern. We will take him for an annual check up each year, at which she will measure and inspect the mole for concerning changes, and we will be diligent about using sunblock on him. She said the mole would grow with him, but proportionally to his face, and there was no reason to believe it would overtake it. I asked her about potential social implication the mole might cause him later in life. She acknowledged them, but assured me that the mole really wasn't a big deal, and that surgical removal of it would result in a significant scar, and more concerning: he'd have to undergo general anaesthesia, rather than just local, because kids his age just don't stay still for doctor's to operate on them without it. General anaesthesia always comes with risks, particularly in young children and infants, and I recently learned from my cousin, people affected by Thompkin's Disease have to be extra careful and another step needs to be in play if such a person needs to have general anaesthesia. My son has not been tested for Thompkin's, and I have no reason to believe he has it, but since we have now detected it in our family, it's a possibility for which we should all be prepared. Anyhow, the bottom line is that the risks of surgical removal at this point outweigh any questionable benefits. The doctor told me that if we were talking about her own daughter, she would leave it around. It was the mommi's advice that she gave me that solidified my position on it, even moreso than the dermatologist's. I decided to do nothing about the mole. Except I also decided to keep calling the spot a birthmark, because it somehow sounds cuter than "mole" ;)
Fast forward another few months: life goes on, my son is beautiful and perfect, he's healthy, he's growing, he's learning so much. And his dad brings the birthmark up again. Give it a rest already! He tells me that the birthmark is growing and our son is going to hate us later in life (actually, he tells me - not for the first time - that our son will hate me when he's older, because he will tell him terrible things about me, including the fact the he wanted to have the mark removed, and I refused). He says it's going to overtake his cheek and become the size of a baseball. (Note: it's still the size of a thumbprint) He says he needs laser surgery to remove it. I remembered something else the dermatologist had told me: that while laser surgery can be effective at removing surface cells, moles go many cells deep. The risk of removing only the pigmented cells on the skin's surface is that it effectively removes your only warning signs should anything happen and the cells mutate into something cancerous! I repeat everything the dermatologist shared with me, and my opinion that the best thing to do for our son is to love him, not make a big deal out of something that is nothing, and keep an eye out for changes. He is not satisfied, so I tell him I will make another appointment with the dermatologist, and that maybe he should attend this one (he has not attended a single medical appointment for him in the past), so that he can ask his questions and get the information firsthand, since he doubts what I report back to him.
And I did make that appointment, and surprisingly, his dad did attend. My mother took my son to it since I was working, and the dermatologist only allowed one adult in the room for the appointment, so I had to ask his dad what the doctor has said. He told me a very different story than what I later got by calling the dermatologist's office for a report myself. The medical notes held only the same information I had been given the time before: everything was fine, the doctor's medical opinion was that no treatment was advisable. But still his dad was insistent that surgical removal was needed. He went so far as to get a referral to a plastic surgeon! I was furious, and had to notify the dermatologist's office that, as per our Separation Agreement, I have decision making power on non-emergency medical decisions. So, dad can make as many appointments as he wants, but cannot authorize a procedure. Note to self: fax copies of Separation Agreement to dermatologist, plastic surgeon, family physician...
WHY WHY WHY??? Why is he so intent on viewing our child's adorable little thumbprint birthmark as an imperfection? Seriously: show me a child who is perfect! I bet you probably can. Every mommi will present me with their child :) But now show me a child who is perfect by everyone's definition. I look around the room at the daycare my son attends: there's the little girl with a bright red birthmark showing above the collar of her shirt. There's the little boy with a lazy eye. There's the girl with two hearing aids. There's another with thick glasses. There's a boy in a wheelchair with osteogenesis imperfecta (Don't know what that is? Read Jodi Picoult's Handle with Care - great book! Actually, most of hers are...but I digress). There's a little girl with a healing scar from corrective surgery for a harelip. There's a little girl with fiery red hair and a multitude of freckles. There's a skinny kid. There's a chubby kid. There's a short kid. There's a kid who stands way taller than everyone else. There's a kid with a lisp. There's a kid who stutters. There's a kid who hasn't mastered consonants. AND THEY'RE ALL ADORABLE, LOVABLE, PERFECT.
The kids with hearing and vision aids, and who had undergone corrective surgery, were treated because their differences were medical, and necessary. Not because their parents just didn't like what they saw! Isn't it better to teach kids tolerance, acceptance, and love - than that we need to change or correct anything unique about them?
I understand where his dad's concern comes from. Any mommi (or daddi) feels such tremendous love for her child that the very notion of them suffering in any way at any time is unbearable - and suffering teasing or bullying counts. I want to do right by my son. I want to make the best decisions for him. I hope he has the easiest life possible. But will removing a unique and harmless part of him do that? I don't think so...but I can't say I'm 100% sure about that. And so, I will allow the appointment with the plastic surgeon, and I will attend with an open mind. I will listen to his professional recommendation and learn about the options available to us.
But I still maintain that my son is absolutely perfect, just the way he is.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Use Cloth Diapers
Most of the time, I will tell mommis to do whatever works for you, to make your own decisions, that whatever you feel most comfortable with is the right thing to do in terms of parenting decisions. But not today; not on this one topic.
USE CLOTH DIAPERS!
I was just like many mommis: appalled by the mere suggestion of using cloth diapers! I mean, EW: they're ugly, they're stinky, they're leaky, they're old fashioned, they're a lot of work...gross. But I humoured a coworker (rolling my eyes behind her back), and told her I'd take a look at one she brought in to work.
IT WAS ADORABLE!
It was small, and clean, and green! Like, the colour green, in addition to the whole "enviro-green" thing. It was a BumGenius 3.0 adjustable size cloth diaper. She'd used it throughout one child's diapering years, and was in the middle of another's - and it was clean! The inside was white, there were no stains, it did not smell. Another skeptical coworker and I played catch with it when its owner was out of the room, it was that cute!
Gone are the days of dirty-looking cotton sheets you have to practically do origami with and then pin onto your baby and wait for them to leak onto your lap. New cloth diapers come in a variety of forms, but I fell in love with the BumGenius and continue to recommend them today, so can only speak about this particular brand. I have the 3.0s, which have velcro tabs that fasten them onto the baby. Now 4.0s are available, and the velcro is replaced with snaps. I have to say: my only complaint about my 3.0s is the velcro, which, after 2 years of use, is wearing out, looks a bit dingy from collecting hair and stuff along the edges, and doesn't always stick so well. However, BumGenius supplies its retailers with replacement velcro kits - for free! Snugglebugz mailed me 24 velcro refresher kits within 2 days of my inquiry! Problem solved. The snap closure system on the 4.0s would eliminate that problem altogether, but I had a particularly squirmy baby, often having to strap a diaper on him on the go - so I feel that snaps would have been more challenging to line up and fasten with my particular child.
But I digress. Why use cloth diapers? Well, the most obvious reason is because of the environmental benefits. First consider the amount of energy, water, wood, oil, etcetera that goes into manufacturing, packaging, and shipping disposable diapers. Plus, disposable diapers can take 100-500 years to decompose, which means that an unfathomable number of disposable diapers sit in a landfills, leaking human waste into our water table. It is illegal to throw human waste into the garbage – disposable users are required to throw any poop into the toilet before trashing the diaper, but do you know anyone who actually does that? Add into the landfills the packaging from each pack of disposable diapers, then consider the dangerous chemicals leaking into the ground water from said landfills and the manufacturing process: dioxin, sodium polyacrylate (the absorbant gel), and TBT or Trybutylin, which is ranked by the World Health Organization as one of the most toxic substances used in consumer products in the world today.
Let me be clear that I am no environmentalist. Not that that's a bad thing; I'd be proud to say I am, but I have also vowed to be nothing but honest in this blog. And I just don't want any mommi to think you have to be a Birkenstock-wearing tree-hugger to consider cloth diapers. I have fake boobs, remember - just keep that in mind. But there are other reasons to use cloth diapers!
How about cost? As a general rule, it is almost always cheaper to reuse than to buy new every time. This is no different with cloth diapers. Diaperjungle.com suggests that most parents go through 6 to 8 thousand diapers per child, from birth to about age three. If we take an average of what those diapers cost, that equates to between 2000 and 3000 dollars per baby. Once those children are potty trained, those diapers are gone. They can't be re-used. So a significant chunk of our hard earned money has gone to buying what is essentially garbage. In comparison, enough cloth diapers to last for three years will usually cost between 300 to 800 dollars. At a minimum that is about a 1200 dollar savings! But wait: Consider, too, that those cloth diapers may last for one or more successive children, and your savings grows. Some people will point out that cloth diapers will cost a mommi more in water, hydro, and detergent for washing them, and this is true, but these costs are minimal and negligent in comparison.
From my own experience, 24 BumGenius 3.0s, a pail of Claudia's Choice cloth-diaper-safe detergent (which lasted me almost 2 years), a diaper pail, charcoal filter, a wet bag for travel, and a 2-pack of Nellie's Dryer Balls cost me about $750. That's a lot up front, but in the long run, you can see the savings. AND, if you register for your cloth diapers before your baby shower, you can get a lot given to you for free ;)
The most significant reason to use cloth diapers, however, is because of the benefits to your baby. I'm going to let the researchers at Diaperjungle do that talking for me again here - with some of my own modifications ;) What should be of serious concern to all mommis are the toxic chemicals present in disposable diapers. Dioxin, which in various forms has been shown to cause cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage, is a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers. Trace quantities may even exist in the diapers themselves. Dioxin is listed by the EPA as the most toxic of cancer-related chemicals. Additionally, disposable diapers contain Tributyl-tin (TBT) - a toxic pollutant known to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals. Disposable diapers also contain sodium polyacrylate. If you have ever seen the gel-like, super absorbant crystals in a disposable, then you have seen this first hand. I just recently had that experience when my son came home to me after a day at his dad's, and the disposable diaper he had him in was so soaked, it actually exploded at the seam, displaying the scary-looking pee-soaked crystals :S Sodium polyacrylate is the same substance that was removed from tampons because of its link to toxic shock syndrome. No studies have been done on the long-term effects of this chemical being in contact with a baby's reproductive organs 24 hours a day for upwards of two years. Studies have also been done to show that the chemical emissions from disposable diapers can cause respiratory problems in children. This is all scary, scary stuff! ...Cloth diapers, on the other hand, are free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers.
My son went an entire year of life without a single diaper rash or bum irritation, and I attribute that success to the use of cloth diapers. In all fairness, he later developed a recurrent diaper rash problem, but that was due to the incurrence of uric acid burns from being left to sit in a pee-filled DISPOSABLE diaper too long (if Blogger offered an angry-face emoticon, I would use it here - remember: I do not use disposable diapers...I will say no more). Hey, parents? Just because many disposable diapers boast that they can absorb urine for up to 12 hours does NOT mean that you should leave your child in a wet diaper (of any sort) for that long!!! Deep breaths, deep breaths... Anyhow, I strongly believe that, if he had been wearing cloth diapers, and changed regularly when not in my care, he would have continued his great-bum-health streak indefinitely.
So, seriously: why AREN'T you using cloth diapers? Really. I invite anyone to share a rebuttal, and I will try to counter it :) If you've already been using disposable diapers, it's not too late to switch! I am proud to say that my efforts have converted 2 disposable users to the cloth side, and have convinced 3 new mommis to take the plunge and start the cloth way. I hope this post helps increase my numbers :) Please let me know!
Just before I sign off, I should note: I do use one disposable diaper per night. I find that my cloth diapers are more than up to the task of absorbing a few hours' worth of pee, but not a whole night's worth. The BumGeniuses do come with "doublers", which are extra inserts you can put inside to increase absorbency (and the size of your kid's booty) for such occasions, but I don't bother. When my son was a teeny guy, the doublers, in combination with the already-admittedly-bulkier cloth diapers put him on such an incline when on his back, it was comical :) That said, one cloth-using-mommi-friend (Hi, Christine!) says her daughter goes through the night in a cloth diaper without an issue, so maybe your child will have as much success ;)
USE CLOTH DIAPERS!
I was just like many mommis: appalled by the mere suggestion of using cloth diapers! I mean, EW: they're ugly, they're stinky, they're leaky, they're old fashioned, they're a lot of work...gross. But I humoured a coworker (rolling my eyes behind her back), and told her I'd take a look at one she brought in to work.
IT WAS ADORABLE!
It was small, and clean, and green! Like, the colour green, in addition to the whole "enviro-green" thing. It was a BumGenius 3.0 adjustable size cloth diaper. She'd used it throughout one child's diapering years, and was in the middle of another's - and it was clean! The inside was white, there were no stains, it did not smell. Another skeptical coworker and I played catch with it when its owner was out of the room, it was that cute!
Gone are the days of dirty-looking cotton sheets you have to practically do origami with and then pin onto your baby and wait for them to leak onto your lap. New cloth diapers come in a variety of forms, but I fell in love with the BumGenius and continue to recommend them today, so can only speak about this particular brand. I have the 3.0s, which have velcro tabs that fasten them onto the baby. Now 4.0s are available, and the velcro is replaced with snaps. I have to say: my only complaint about my 3.0s is the velcro, which, after 2 years of use, is wearing out, looks a bit dingy from collecting hair and stuff along the edges, and doesn't always stick so well. However, BumGenius supplies its retailers with replacement velcro kits - for free! Snugglebugz mailed me 24 velcro refresher kits within 2 days of my inquiry! Problem solved. The snap closure system on the 4.0s would eliminate that problem altogether, but I had a particularly squirmy baby, often having to strap a diaper on him on the go - so I feel that snaps would have been more challenging to line up and fasten with my particular child.
But I digress. Why use cloth diapers? Well, the most obvious reason is because of the environmental benefits. First consider the amount of energy, water, wood, oil, etcetera that goes into manufacturing, packaging, and shipping disposable diapers. Plus, disposable diapers can take 100-500 years to decompose, which means that an unfathomable number of disposable diapers sit in a landfills, leaking human waste into our water table. It is illegal to throw human waste into the garbage – disposable users are required to throw any poop into the toilet before trashing the diaper, but do you know anyone who actually does that? Add into the landfills the packaging from each pack of disposable diapers, then consider the dangerous chemicals leaking into the ground water from said landfills and the manufacturing process: dioxin, sodium polyacrylate (the absorbant gel), and TBT or Trybutylin, which is ranked by the World Health Organization as one of the most toxic substances used in consumer products in the world today.
Let me be clear that I am no environmentalist. Not that that's a bad thing; I'd be proud to say I am, but I have also vowed to be nothing but honest in this blog. And I just don't want any mommi to think you have to be a Birkenstock-wearing tree-hugger to consider cloth diapers. I have fake boobs, remember - just keep that in mind. But there are other reasons to use cloth diapers!
How about cost? As a general rule, it is almost always cheaper to reuse than to buy new every time. This is no different with cloth diapers. Diaperjungle.com suggests that most parents go through 6 to 8 thousand diapers per child, from birth to about age three. If we take an average of what those diapers cost, that equates to between 2000 and 3000 dollars per baby. Once those children are potty trained, those diapers are gone. They can't be re-used. So a significant chunk of our hard earned money has gone to buying what is essentially garbage. In comparison, enough cloth diapers to last for three years will usually cost between 300 to 800 dollars. At a minimum that is about a 1200 dollar savings! But wait: Consider, too, that those cloth diapers may last for one or more successive children, and your savings grows. Some people will point out that cloth diapers will cost a mommi more in water, hydro, and detergent for washing them, and this is true, but these costs are minimal and negligent in comparison.
From my own experience, 24 BumGenius 3.0s, a pail of Claudia's Choice cloth-diaper-safe detergent (which lasted me almost 2 years), a diaper pail, charcoal filter, a wet bag for travel, and a 2-pack of Nellie's Dryer Balls cost me about $750. That's a lot up front, but in the long run, you can see the savings. AND, if you register for your cloth diapers before your baby shower, you can get a lot given to you for free ;)
The most significant reason to use cloth diapers, however, is because of the benefits to your baby. I'm going to let the researchers at Diaperjungle do that talking for me again here - with some of my own modifications ;) What should be of serious concern to all mommis are the toxic chemicals present in disposable diapers. Dioxin, which in various forms has been shown to cause cancer, birth defects, liver damage, skin diseases, and genetic damage, is a by-product of the paper-bleaching process used in manufacturing disposable diapers. Trace quantities may even exist in the diapers themselves. Dioxin is listed by the EPA as the most toxic of cancer-related chemicals. Additionally, disposable diapers contain Tributyl-tin (TBT) - a toxic pollutant known to cause hormonal problems in humans and animals. Disposable diapers also contain sodium polyacrylate. If you have ever seen the gel-like, super absorbant crystals in a disposable, then you have seen this first hand. I just recently had that experience when my son came home to me after a day at his dad's, and the disposable diaper he had him in was so soaked, it actually exploded at the seam, displaying the scary-looking pee-soaked crystals :S Sodium polyacrylate is the same substance that was removed from tampons because of its link to toxic shock syndrome. No studies have been done on the long-term effects of this chemical being in contact with a baby's reproductive organs 24 hours a day for upwards of two years. Studies have also been done to show that the chemical emissions from disposable diapers can cause respiratory problems in children. This is all scary, scary stuff! ...Cloth diapers, on the other hand, are free of the many chemicals contained in disposable diapers.
My son went an entire year of life without a single diaper rash or bum irritation, and I attribute that success to the use of cloth diapers. In all fairness, he later developed a recurrent diaper rash problem, but that was due to the incurrence of uric acid burns from being left to sit in a pee-filled DISPOSABLE diaper too long (if Blogger offered an angry-face emoticon, I would use it here - remember: I do not use disposable diapers...I will say no more). Hey, parents? Just because many disposable diapers boast that they can absorb urine for up to 12 hours does NOT mean that you should leave your child in a wet diaper (of any sort) for that long!!! Deep breaths, deep breaths... Anyhow, I strongly believe that, if he had been wearing cloth diapers, and changed regularly when not in my care, he would have continued his great-bum-health streak indefinitely.
So, seriously: why AREN'T you using cloth diapers? Really. I invite anyone to share a rebuttal, and I will try to counter it :) If you've already been using disposable diapers, it's not too late to switch! I am proud to say that my efforts have converted 2 disposable users to the cloth side, and have convinced 3 new mommis to take the plunge and start the cloth way. I hope this post helps increase my numbers :) Please let me know!
Just before I sign off, I should note: I do use one disposable diaper per night. I find that my cloth diapers are more than up to the task of absorbing a few hours' worth of pee, but not a whole night's worth. The BumGeniuses do come with "doublers", which are extra inserts you can put inside to increase absorbency (and the size of your kid's booty) for such occasions, but I don't bother. When my son was a teeny guy, the doublers, in combination with the already-admittedly-bulkier cloth diapers put him on such an incline when on his back, it was comical :) That said, one cloth-using-mommi-friend (Hi, Christine!) says her daughter goes through the night in a cloth diaper without an issue, so maybe your child will have as much success ;)
Wednesday 5 October 2011
A Few of My Favourite Things: Ladies Only
This post is mommi-related in that all mommi's are short on time. So here are a few things that save time or allow me to multi-task or just save sanity.
1. Shellac Manicures: Most mommis I now have the same affliction I do - we are unable to keep nail polish on for longer than an hour. Let's face it: with all that picking up of toys and scrubbing bottles and bathing babies...regular polish doesn't stand a chance. And fake nails are trashy. Sorry! Just my opinion, but in this case, my opinion is the right one :P So, mommis need Shellac. It goes on like polish, but gets cured with a UV light in between coats, and is guaranteed to last without chipping, peeling, or fading for 10 days! I have found it to last even longer than that, but then you still get grow out, so you need to change it up about every 2 weeks. There is no buffing and grinding involved, so your nails aren't damaged, and actually do grow long and healthy from it. Except I also believe long nails are trashy, too ;) So get them trimmed and stop scratching you kid accidentally. If you're in the Hamilton area, get in touch with my nail lady! Peri-Lynn of Comforts Time to Spa: 905 387 4490 or peri-lynnh@hotmail.com. I don't even know what her regular rates are because she ALWAYS has specials, so it usually costs $20 and includes the removal at the end of your 2 weeks. I also see her for eyebrow waxing, and other parts - just not you-know-where, because she's old-school and doesn't go "all the way". If you know what I mean. Oh, and when you get your Shellac, please don't get nail art - also trashy, by Accidental Supermommi standards :P Please tell her I sent you! If you are not nearby, there are lots of Spas that are now offering Shellac - just make sure it's actually the CND Shellac brand every step of the way. There are some places that cut corners and you'll end up having to have that sh!t ground off your poor, thin, and brittle nails, leaving nothing but ultra-sensitive tips that are just waiting to tear :S
2. Brazilian Blowouts: This has nothing to do with my crotch. It's for the hair on your head. Brazilian Blowouts are highly controversial because of alleged formaldehyde content, so do your research and decide what's right for you. But they do offer a formaldehyde-free line. It is not a straightening treatment; if you have curls or waves, your hair will still be curly or wavy - but it will not be FRIZZY. Even in high humidity or after getting caught in the rain. It dramatically reduces your blowdrying time (I went from 30minutes to 15minutes - and that's still doing a good job, with a round brush - a basic dry takes like 5 minutes), and minimizes the amount of processes or products you need to use. For example, before my Brazilian Blowout, if I blowdried my hair with a round brush, it would look great...for about 5 minutes, until it started to pouf and frizz. I'd have to then use a flat iron to really get it to stay nice. But now I can get away with one or the other. WIN! It also just feels nicer and looks shinier. Because it is. The way it works is: the stylist washes your hair with some sort of clarifying shampoo, then rough dries it, the applies the Brazilian Blowout solution like she would colour, then rough dries it with the product in (Ew), then flat irons it to seal it into your hair's cuticle, then washes it out and dries it for good. The whole thing takes 90 minutes and is guaranteed to last 6 weeks, but my stylist says most of her clients only do it every 6 months! I am on month 4 and am still going strong :) In the Toronto area, contact Rachelle at 416 899 1487 or whitewindbear@hotmail.com.
3. PVR: I don't think I need to go into detail o this one. Mommis often don't get to watch what they want, when they want - either because it is not appropriate viewing for a child, said child dictates what shows will be viewed at all times in a Hitler-esque manner (Mighty Machines, always - or "Bazines", as my son calls it), or you are just too effing tired to stay up to watch anything past your child's bedtime. For me, it is all of the above. So, record your faves, and watch them in 5 minutes increments, whenever you get the time :) This was particularly life-saving when my son was tiny and liked to feed around the clock; there's not much worth watching on at 4am, I tell you.
4. Smartphone: Preferably, a Blackberry. I expanded on this in another post, so won't here, but the ability to instant message, email, call, surf, look up essential phone numbers (Telehealth :S), manage your appointments, stay abreast of social networking news, take and share photos of your little monster (I mean angel), and yes, play full episodes of Mighty Machines is absolutely priceless.
That's all for now. A rather meaningless post, but I am home sick today and am sweating with this laptop on my lap, and just want to curl up and die. Virus, courtesy of daycare, of course :S Anyhow, I thought sharing a few of my favourite things would make me feel better, but it only hurt my eyes. Hope it helps you! :)
1. Shellac Manicures: Most mommis I now have the same affliction I do - we are unable to keep nail polish on for longer than an hour. Let's face it: with all that picking up of toys and scrubbing bottles and bathing babies...regular polish doesn't stand a chance. And fake nails are trashy. Sorry! Just my opinion, but in this case, my opinion is the right one :P So, mommis need Shellac. It goes on like polish, but gets cured with a UV light in between coats, and is guaranteed to last without chipping, peeling, or fading for 10 days! I have found it to last even longer than that, but then you still get grow out, so you need to change it up about every 2 weeks. There is no buffing and grinding involved, so your nails aren't damaged, and actually do grow long and healthy from it. Except I also believe long nails are trashy, too ;) So get them trimmed and stop scratching you kid accidentally. If you're in the Hamilton area, get in touch with my nail lady! Peri-Lynn of Comforts Time to Spa: 905 387 4490 or peri-lynnh@hotmail.com. I don't even know what her regular rates are because she ALWAYS has specials, so it usually costs $20 and includes the removal at the end of your 2 weeks. I also see her for eyebrow waxing, and other parts - just not you-know-where, because she's old-school and doesn't go "all the way". If you know what I mean. Oh, and when you get your Shellac, please don't get nail art - also trashy, by Accidental Supermommi standards :P Please tell her I sent you! If you are not nearby, there are lots of Spas that are now offering Shellac - just make sure it's actually the CND Shellac brand every step of the way. There are some places that cut corners and you'll end up having to have that sh!t ground off your poor, thin, and brittle nails, leaving nothing but ultra-sensitive tips that are just waiting to tear :S
2. Brazilian Blowouts: This has nothing to do with my crotch. It's for the hair on your head. Brazilian Blowouts are highly controversial because of alleged formaldehyde content, so do your research and decide what's right for you. But they do offer a formaldehyde-free line. It is not a straightening treatment; if you have curls or waves, your hair will still be curly or wavy - but it will not be FRIZZY. Even in high humidity or after getting caught in the rain. It dramatically reduces your blowdrying time (I went from 30minutes to 15minutes - and that's still doing a good job, with a round brush - a basic dry takes like 5 minutes), and minimizes the amount of processes or products you need to use. For example, before my Brazilian Blowout, if I blowdried my hair with a round brush, it would look great...for about 5 minutes, until it started to pouf and frizz. I'd have to then use a flat iron to really get it to stay nice. But now I can get away with one or the other. WIN! It also just feels nicer and looks shinier. Because it is. The way it works is: the stylist washes your hair with some sort of clarifying shampoo, then rough dries it, the applies the Brazilian Blowout solution like she would colour, then rough dries it with the product in (Ew), then flat irons it to seal it into your hair's cuticle, then washes it out and dries it for good. The whole thing takes 90 minutes and is guaranteed to last 6 weeks, but my stylist says most of her clients only do it every 6 months! I am on month 4 and am still going strong :) In the Toronto area, contact Rachelle at 416 899 1487 or whitewindbear@hotmail.com.
3. PVR: I don't think I need to go into detail o this one. Mommis often don't get to watch what they want, when they want - either because it is not appropriate viewing for a child, said child dictates what shows will be viewed at all times in a Hitler-esque manner (Mighty Machines, always - or "Bazines", as my son calls it), or you are just too effing tired to stay up to watch anything past your child's bedtime. For me, it is all of the above. So, record your faves, and watch them in 5 minutes increments, whenever you get the time :) This was particularly life-saving when my son was tiny and liked to feed around the clock; there's not much worth watching on at 4am, I tell you.
4. Smartphone: Preferably, a Blackberry. I expanded on this in another post, so won't here, but the ability to instant message, email, call, surf, look up essential phone numbers (Telehealth :S), manage your appointments, stay abreast of social networking news, take and share photos of your little monster (I mean angel), and yes, play full episodes of Mighty Machines is absolutely priceless.
That's all for now. A rather meaningless post, but I am home sick today and am sweating with this laptop on my lap, and just want to curl up and die. Virus, courtesy of daycare, of course :S Anyhow, I thought sharing a few of my favourite things would make me feel better, but it only hurt my eyes. Hope it helps you! :)
Monday 19 September 2011
Revelations: There are NOT Two Types of Parents, Afterall
I have spent the last 2 years of my life trying to promote healthy sleep habits in my son. I firmly believe that being well-rested is the springboard for so many other things, and I still hold true to that idea. But last night, I had a major revelation...
I used to sit through conversations between other mommis at lunchtime at work, listening to them talking about how their kids slept in their beds with them, how it was getting crowded, how one kept kicking them in the back, how they had to alternate taking one to the bathroom, then the other, etcetera. I "sat", and I "listened", but I didn't participate - I was trying to be nice! I felt that all I could add to the conversation would be criticism, and knew enough to keep that to myself ;) I must even admit to feeling rather smug while I listened, mentally patting myself on the back for not being one of those mommis.
I believed there were two kinds of parents in this world: those who let their kids sleep in their beds, and those who practiced better sleep habits and taught their kids independence and self-soothing and had them sleep in their own beds (cribs, whatever). But this morning, I must apologize to those mommis, for ever thinking I was better or above them, for my smugness, for thinking they were indulgent parents. This morning, I realize that those mommis didn't choose to have their kids in their beds - they didn't choose to have disrupted sleep for years on end...they were driven to it, in desperation! At least, that's what happened to me :(
As you may have read, sleep struggles are nothing new to my son and I: he has been on a month-long, early-waking streak; naptimes have always been a bit hit or miss. But bedtime was one thing I used to be able to count on. He would go to bed and go to sleep at night with no problem, every time. Until three nights ago. On that evening, his stepdad was doing the bedtime routine, and all started our well...he gave him his bedtime bottle while reading the two books we read every night, he had one Sleepy in hand, another waiting for him on his mattress, his noise machine was on, his sun clock was set, a song had been sing, and into bed he went. For about 15 seconds. Then OUT of bed he got (damn the move to a toddler bed, damnit!), tears starting. Stepdaddy ("Jussie") calmly walked him back in - twice - but on the second return, my son wailed, "Tuck you in, Jussie!" Superdad that he is (this is not sarcastic - he really is!), he did forget one crucial step: the tuck in. So, he tucked the little guy in, and off the dreamland he went!
We thought that was an isolated incident, due only to the failure to tuck in - but no. Two nights later, it happened again. This time, I was on bedtime duty, and I didn't forget a step! This time, the devil-child bargained with me: "Little more songs, Mama, then go to sleep!" Fine. Two more songs and into bed. Then out of bed. I walked him back to bed. He got out of bed. I told him Mommi woudl come back if he got into bed, but would NOT come back if he didn't go to bed. I locked the gate at the top of the stairs and went downstairs. He stood at the gate and first propositioned: "Mommyyyyy, where arrre youuuu?", then progressed to heartbroken sobbing. Well, Mommi is a liar, and Mommi went back up to him after 15 minutes or so, despite swearing she wouldn't if he didn't get back in bed :( This time, I sat on the floor next to his bed and rubbed his back, hoping he would fall asleep. I thought he did and tried to sneak out. Nope! Out of bed.
I went downstairs and had a meltdown on the couch. Luckily, "Jussie" came home then and rescued us both. He did the rubbing-back thing, but with more perseverance than me. Thirty minutes of floor-sitting and back-rubbing later, he BBMed me to turn all the lights out in the house: he was going to attempt an escape. And it worked! No child came out of that room :D Until 4:11am :( :( :( :( :(
And that is when it happened; that is when two years' worth of resolve went out the window and I had the revelation: there are not two types of parents; we are all just slaves to our children's needs/wants/whims. Some children don't test their parents as much or as early as others, some parents might hold onto their resolve for longer than others...but we all break, and they all win - eventually.
And so, other mommis, today I join your ranks. Please forgive my previous smugness. I'm going to need to join in on those bed-sharing-woe conversations now :( I think this "phase" might be a long-lasting one!
What's your policy on bed-sharing? Are you a bed-sharing survivor? How did it impact your life - and for HOW LONG?? :S Hope-inspiring stories much needed; commiserating ones equally welcome! ;)
I used to sit through conversations between other mommis at lunchtime at work, listening to them talking about how their kids slept in their beds with them, how it was getting crowded, how one kept kicking them in the back, how they had to alternate taking one to the bathroom, then the other, etcetera. I "sat", and I "listened", but I didn't participate - I was trying to be nice! I felt that all I could add to the conversation would be criticism, and knew enough to keep that to myself ;) I must even admit to feeling rather smug while I listened, mentally patting myself on the back for not being one of those mommis.
I believed there were two kinds of parents in this world: those who let their kids sleep in their beds, and those who practiced better sleep habits and taught their kids independence and self-soothing and had them sleep in their own beds (cribs, whatever). But this morning, I must apologize to those mommis, for ever thinking I was better or above them, for my smugness, for thinking they were indulgent parents. This morning, I realize that those mommis didn't choose to have their kids in their beds - they didn't choose to have disrupted sleep for years on end...they were driven to it, in desperation! At least, that's what happened to me :(
As you may have read, sleep struggles are nothing new to my son and I: he has been on a month-long, early-waking streak; naptimes have always been a bit hit or miss. But bedtime was one thing I used to be able to count on. He would go to bed and go to sleep at night with no problem, every time. Until three nights ago. On that evening, his stepdad was doing the bedtime routine, and all started our well...he gave him his bedtime bottle while reading the two books we read every night, he had one Sleepy in hand, another waiting for him on his mattress, his noise machine was on, his sun clock was set, a song had been sing, and into bed he went. For about 15 seconds. Then OUT of bed he got (damn the move to a toddler bed, damnit!), tears starting. Stepdaddy ("Jussie") calmly walked him back in - twice - but on the second return, my son wailed, "Tuck you in, Jussie!" Superdad that he is (this is not sarcastic - he really is!), he did forget one crucial step: the tuck in. So, he tucked the little guy in, and off the dreamland he went!
We thought that was an isolated incident, due only to the failure to tuck in - but no. Two nights later, it happened again. This time, I was on bedtime duty, and I didn't forget a step! This time, the devil-child bargained with me: "Little more songs, Mama, then go to sleep!" Fine. Two more songs and into bed. Then out of bed. I walked him back to bed. He got out of bed. I told him Mommi woudl come back if he got into bed, but would NOT come back if he didn't go to bed. I locked the gate at the top of the stairs and went downstairs. He stood at the gate and first propositioned: "Mommyyyyy, where arrre youuuu?", then progressed to heartbroken sobbing. Well, Mommi is a liar, and Mommi went back up to him after 15 minutes or so, despite swearing she wouldn't if he didn't get back in bed :( This time, I sat on the floor next to his bed and rubbed his back, hoping he would fall asleep. I thought he did and tried to sneak out. Nope! Out of bed.
I went downstairs and had a meltdown on the couch. Luckily, "Jussie" came home then and rescued us both. He did the rubbing-back thing, but with more perseverance than me. Thirty minutes of floor-sitting and back-rubbing later, he BBMed me to turn all the lights out in the house: he was going to attempt an escape. And it worked! No child came out of that room :D Until 4:11am :( :( :( :( :(
And that is when it happened; that is when two years' worth of resolve went out the window and I had the revelation: there are not two types of parents; we are all just slaves to our children's needs/wants/whims. Some children don't test their parents as much or as early as others, some parents might hold onto their resolve for longer than others...but we all break, and they all win - eventually.
And so, other mommis, today I join your ranks. Please forgive my previous smugness. I'm going to need to join in on those bed-sharing-woe conversations now :( I think this "phase" might be a long-lasting one!
What's your policy on bed-sharing? Are you a bed-sharing survivor? How did it impact your life - and for HOW LONG?? :S Hope-inspiring stories much needed; commiserating ones equally welcome! ;)
Tuesday 6 September 2011
I Love You
Not much of a post, but one of the main reasons I wanted to start this blog was to have a running account of my sons's milestones... So, this is to record September 3rd, 2011 as the first time my son ever told me he loved me, unprompted :D We were at the cottage, I was kneeling on the floor for something, and he said "Mama hug!" and ran up to hug me. And with his little, curly head tucked next to my ear, and his pudgy little arms wrapped around my neck, he said "Luff you" <3 <3 <3
The little monster has some great timing, too, because this was also the morning he broke his 5:30am waking streak, slept till 7:08am, and woke up a different baby: he was cheerful and angelica, all smiles and sunshine. The day before was another story: he was the most miserable baby in the world and, while my love for him never faltered, my patience and sanity sure were!
"Luff you" is definitely the sweetest thing he's ever said, but he's got a long list of hilarious things! THOSE, however, I'll save for another post ;)
The little monster has some great timing, too, because this was also the morning he broke his 5:30am waking streak, slept till 7:08am, and woke up a different baby: he was cheerful and angelica, all smiles and sunshine. The day before was another story: he was the most miserable baby in the world and, while my love for him never faltered, my patience and sanity sure were!
"Luff you" is definitely the sweetest thing he's ever said, but he's got a long list of hilarious things! THOSE, however, I'll save for another post ;)
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Adventures in Crib Diving
Oh, it's been a few weeks since my son's 5:30am wakings...but in true toddler fashion, he has created a new challenge to keep me on my toes. It's like every time I pass a mission, I go up a Mommi difficulty level. So, this newest challenge is threefold: temper tantrums, crib diving, and separation anxiety.
The temper tantrum part is pretty straight forward, and par for the course for most 2 year olds, I'm told: essentially, he goes into a blind rage and won't see reason whenever he doesn't get his way. I want him to stop playing with his cars and get clothes on so that we can go out? DUMP LAUNDRY BASKET FULL OF CLEAN, FOLDED CLOTHES ON FLOOR, ENSURING NOT ONE ITEM REMAINS FOLDED. I dare to refuse him cookies before dinner? THROW CARS AT TV. I won't let him play with the electric carving knife? DESTROY WOODEN RAILROAD, HURL PIECES ACROSS ROOM. I forget that he wants to ring our own doorbell before returning inside the house? COLLAPSE ON THE PORCH, POUND IT WITH FISTS. I feed the dog, without asking him if he wants to dump the food into the bowl for me? COMPLETE AND UTTER MELTDOWN. I can't say I've found an appropriate way to deal with these fits. I've tried talking to him, holding him, staying with him, leaving him alone, ignoring him, timeouts (HA! That was a joke!)...nothing works. That's not true...sometimes distraction will work, at least temporarily...but more often, just giving him whatever the eff it was that he wanted in the first place will quell the throbbing in my head (from all the screaming)! :S
My last post detailed my son's first couple days of daycare, and things seemed to be going much better than I'd expected. Such is my life: that didn't last. On day 3, we had our first me-having-to-walk-away-while-he-cried-and-reached-for-me-with-outstretched-arms drop off :( But thank Jesus (I like to say it the Spanish way) for those video cameras! I was able to check on him online and see that he did settle down and partake in some activities. When I picked him up, though, he burst into tears at first sight of me and launched himself at my legs. His teacher said he'd been up and down throughout the day, but had settled into nap much faster than before - win! But...had only slept for an hour and then cried - LOUDLY - for the second hour of the ministry-mandated 2-hour naptime - less win :s
On Day 4, things got even worse! The daycare called me to come and pick him up before lunch because he had a fever of 102 and wouldn't stop crying! Poor baby! I rushed home from work to get him. But as soon as he saw me...the tears stopped...and he didn't feel hot...and he was singing in the car on the way home...and he ate well at lunch, and started happily playing with his toys...?? Let those be "Clues" numbers 1 through 5. I took his temperature, but if anything, it was low (Clue 6). I looked in his mouth to see if he was cutting another tooth, but a quick check with my dental hygienist friend, Sabrina, confirmed that he actually has all his teeth already (until 5 or so, anyway), so it wasn't that! (Clue 7). So was he sick, or what?? He sure wasn't seeming like it!
Onto nap time - even more important for sick, feverish babies, right? Not according to Avery. He just wouldn't sleep! I left him in his crib for a while, yelling "LAY DOWN A MAMA'S BED!" over and over again - which was bizarre, because I have NEVER been the take-the-baby-into-my-bed type, so I don't know what even gave him the idea that that was an option! And then the most remarkable thing happened: I heard a thump, his white noise stopped, his door opened, and he just toddled right out of his room! This was new! The way he did it, too...like, "ain't no thang"! I didn't know what else to do, so I just figured naptime wasn't happening that day, and we went down to play cars. He failed to show any signs of illness for the rest of the day - which got me thinking: had my son just faked sick to come home from school for the first time?? At 2 years old??
That night, I put him to bed early, since he was "sick" and had skipped his nap. All was well...until 4am, when he woke up crying, the dove out of his crib again! I ran into his room, picked him up, and bounced him back to sleep. I also checked at that time for a fever (no), whether he'd been sick (no), or had a dirty diaper (no). Back to sleep, but at 5:15am, I heard my bedroom door open, and a 3 foot tall, blonde-haired monster walked in! He didn't even waste time crying that time! The part that kills me, is that he's supposed to be all distressed in there, right? And yet, once he escapes his crib, he pauses to turn off his own white noise machine before making his way out! What a kid!
Against my better judgement, I took him into my bed then and gave him a bottle. We both managed to fall back to sleep, thank God. But this experience, plus all the previous Clues led me to believe that maybe my son wasn't sick at all; maybe he was suffering from separation anxiety from his mommi! It makes sense: he had always been cared for in our home, but in the summer, he got Mommi at home with him fulltime...and then all of a sudden, he was being taken to this place with strangers and new rules and routines and NO MOMMI - and he was just not okay with it. So if separation anxiety was the problem, it didn't seem to me that keeping him home from daycare to cling to Mommi all day was the solution...so I sent him anyway. BIG tears when I dropped him off. But when I picked him up later that day (a day I spent anxiously watching my phone, sure the daycare would be calling to ask me to come get him again :S), they said he had a really good day! He had his best daycare nap yet! And that night, he slept through the night with no mad escapes from his crib!
But the next day...naptime hell. At least I was better prepared for this time. I got out my trusty sleep Bible, and read that babies rarely suffer any injury from climbing out of their cribs, and that often moving them to a big kid bed before their third birthday causes more sleep issues than it solves. The recommended course of action was to practice a "silent return to bed", again and again, until your kid stops escaping. The idea is that you remain silent and unemotional, because ANY attention, even negative, might encourage your child. So: into crib went Avery. Not a minute later, I heard a thud and he had jumped out again! I went back into his room, picked him up, put him back in his crib, turned on his white noise machine (he had stopped to turn it off again, too!), left the room, closed the door. I barely made it back to my room to check the video monitor when I heard the next escape thud! Back I went, process repeated. HE ESCAPED SEVENTEEN TIMES IN THE FIRST FIFTEEN MINUTES!!! My heart was racing, I was in a sweat - I was getting my cardio quota for the whole day! After the seventeenth time, though, he stopped trying to get out. He spent the next hour yelling at me...but he stayed in there! Success? I don't know. After an hour, I decided naptime was not going to happen, and went in to rescue him. At the beginning of nap, I foolishly believed I might have a little nap, too, so had taken my hair out of its ponytail. Why am I telling you this? You'll see... The whole time I listen to my child cry, I envision him upset, distraught, an emotional wreck... So at the end of the hour, I go in to rescue my poor baby, and he abruptly stops yelling, points at me, waving his finger back and forth, and says, "Mama fix the hair!" !!!!! Are you kidding me?? Hello, Ronald (a la Paper Bag Princess - get it?). Big sigh.
We are now a few days past that last in-the-crib nap effort. The poor little future-stylist-slash-escape-artist had little bruises all over his legs from his escape efforts, and a few on his poor little baby head, too :(, so I knew that the crib was no longer a safe option. I looked into crib tents, but decided against one, only because he was close enough to being of big-boy bed age, anyway. My little guy spent a night at his dad's between then and now, and as I suspected, he slept just fine there! This further supported my theory that the crib diving was separation anxiety related - because he is having separation anxiety FROM MOMMI, not anyone else - and at Daddy's, he knows Mama is not an option, so doesn't bother crying to get into her (my) bed!
Anyhow, we decided to take the plunge and move him into a big boy bed. Well, a mini-plunge: we converted his crib into a toddler daybed, so it still has 3 sides, and still uses his crib mattress. The first night, he went down to sleep just fine, rolled out of bed around 3am, but didn't wake and continued his sleep on the floor! But he woke up rather upset at 5:45 :s Likely because he was pretty disoriented! I managed to soothe him in his own bed until 6:15, when his GroClock told him it was okay to get up anyway. The next day, he napped in his big boy bed for an hour - then woke up crying. That night, he slept through till 5:45 again, with another unconscious fall out of bed around 11pm. I suspect he's more sensitive to vibrations from us walking around on the floor outside his room when he's sleeping on his floor, and wakes up when we start moving around in the morning. Boo. Last night, I wedged him into bed against the back rails with a stuffed monkey, and he managed to stay in bed the whole night, and slept a little later, too (6:10am)! :) So, we're getting there.
I also decided to send him to daycare every day this week, suspecting that the consistency would help him with the separation anxiety, which would in turn help with the sleep stuff. And so far, it's been working! :) The last few days at daycare have been really good - his teacher says he only cries for a few minutes after I drop him off, and has been happy and napping very well :) He's sleeping better at home. An the temper tantrums have stopped! For now, I know. I'm sure they'll be back; this is the Terrible Twos, afterall :s But there you have it. Accidental Supermommi has been semi-super and semi-successful at overcoming the challenges her toddler has thrown at her this week ;)
Do you have any experience with separation anxiety, crib diving, or transitioning to a big kid bed? I'd love to hear about it! And come on...I KNOW all of you with kids over 2 have at least a FEW temper tantrum stories :D Please share!
The temper tantrum part is pretty straight forward, and par for the course for most 2 year olds, I'm told: essentially, he goes into a blind rage and won't see reason whenever he doesn't get his way. I want him to stop playing with his cars and get clothes on so that we can go out? DUMP LAUNDRY BASKET FULL OF CLEAN, FOLDED CLOTHES ON FLOOR, ENSURING NOT ONE ITEM REMAINS FOLDED. I dare to refuse him cookies before dinner? THROW CARS AT TV. I won't let him play with the electric carving knife? DESTROY WOODEN RAILROAD, HURL PIECES ACROSS ROOM. I forget that he wants to ring our own doorbell before returning inside the house? COLLAPSE ON THE PORCH, POUND IT WITH FISTS. I feed the dog, without asking him if he wants to dump the food into the bowl for me? COMPLETE AND UTTER MELTDOWN. I can't say I've found an appropriate way to deal with these fits. I've tried talking to him, holding him, staying with him, leaving him alone, ignoring him, timeouts (HA! That was a joke!)...nothing works. That's not true...sometimes distraction will work, at least temporarily...but more often, just giving him whatever the eff it was that he wanted in the first place will quell the throbbing in my head (from all the screaming)! :S
My last post detailed my son's first couple days of daycare, and things seemed to be going much better than I'd expected. Such is my life: that didn't last. On day 3, we had our first me-having-to-walk-away-while-he-cried-and-reached-for-me-with-outstretched-arms drop off :( But thank Jesus (I like to say it the Spanish way) for those video cameras! I was able to check on him online and see that he did settle down and partake in some activities. When I picked him up, though, he burst into tears at first sight of me and launched himself at my legs. His teacher said he'd been up and down throughout the day, but had settled into nap much faster than before - win! But...had only slept for an hour and then cried - LOUDLY - for the second hour of the ministry-mandated 2-hour naptime - less win :s
On Day 4, things got even worse! The daycare called me to come and pick him up before lunch because he had a fever of 102 and wouldn't stop crying! Poor baby! I rushed home from work to get him. But as soon as he saw me...the tears stopped...and he didn't feel hot...and he was singing in the car on the way home...and he ate well at lunch, and started happily playing with his toys...?? Let those be "Clues" numbers 1 through 5. I took his temperature, but if anything, it was low (Clue 6). I looked in his mouth to see if he was cutting another tooth, but a quick check with my dental hygienist friend, Sabrina, confirmed that he actually has all his teeth already (until 5 or so, anyway), so it wasn't that! (Clue 7). So was he sick, or what?? He sure wasn't seeming like it!
Onto nap time - even more important for sick, feverish babies, right? Not according to Avery. He just wouldn't sleep! I left him in his crib for a while, yelling "LAY DOWN A MAMA'S BED!" over and over again - which was bizarre, because I have NEVER been the take-the-baby-into-my-bed type, so I don't know what even gave him the idea that that was an option! And then the most remarkable thing happened: I heard a thump, his white noise stopped, his door opened, and he just toddled right out of his room! This was new! The way he did it, too...like, "ain't no thang"! I didn't know what else to do, so I just figured naptime wasn't happening that day, and we went down to play cars. He failed to show any signs of illness for the rest of the day - which got me thinking: had my son just faked sick to come home from school for the first time?? At 2 years old??
That night, I put him to bed early, since he was "sick" and had skipped his nap. All was well...until 4am, when he woke up crying, the dove out of his crib again! I ran into his room, picked him up, and bounced him back to sleep. I also checked at that time for a fever (no), whether he'd been sick (no), or had a dirty diaper (no). Back to sleep, but at 5:15am, I heard my bedroom door open, and a 3 foot tall, blonde-haired monster walked in! He didn't even waste time crying that time! The part that kills me, is that he's supposed to be all distressed in there, right? And yet, once he escapes his crib, he pauses to turn off his own white noise machine before making his way out! What a kid!
Against my better judgement, I took him into my bed then and gave him a bottle. We both managed to fall back to sleep, thank God. But this experience, plus all the previous Clues led me to believe that maybe my son wasn't sick at all; maybe he was suffering from separation anxiety from his mommi! It makes sense: he had always been cared for in our home, but in the summer, he got Mommi at home with him fulltime...and then all of a sudden, he was being taken to this place with strangers and new rules and routines and NO MOMMI - and he was just not okay with it. So if separation anxiety was the problem, it didn't seem to me that keeping him home from daycare to cling to Mommi all day was the solution...so I sent him anyway. BIG tears when I dropped him off. But when I picked him up later that day (a day I spent anxiously watching my phone, sure the daycare would be calling to ask me to come get him again :S), they said he had a really good day! He had his best daycare nap yet! And that night, he slept through the night with no mad escapes from his crib!
But the next day...naptime hell. At least I was better prepared for this time. I got out my trusty sleep Bible, and read that babies rarely suffer any injury from climbing out of their cribs, and that often moving them to a big kid bed before their third birthday causes more sleep issues than it solves. The recommended course of action was to practice a "silent return to bed", again and again, until your kid stops escaping. The idea is that you remain silent and unemotional, because ANY attention, even negative, might encourage your child. So: into crib went Avery. Not a minute later, I heard a thud and he had jumped out again! I went back into his room, picked him up, put him back in his crib, turned on his white noise machine (he had stopped to turn it off again, too!), left the room, closed the door. I barely made it back to my room to check the video monitor when I heard the next escape thud! Back I went, process repeated. HE ESCAPED SEVENTEEN TIMES IN THE FIRST FIFTEEN MINUTES!!! My heart was racing, I was in a sweat - I was getting my cardio quota for the whole day! After the seventeenth time, though, he stopped trying to get out. He spent the next hour yelling at me...but he stayed in there! Success? I don't know. After an hour, I decided naptime was not going to happen, and went in to rescue him. At the beginning of nap, I foolishly believed I might have a little nap, too, so had taken my hair out of its ponytail. Why am I telling you this? You'll see... The whole time I listen to my child cry, I envision him upset, distraught, an emotional wreck... So at the end of the hour, I go in to rescue my poor baby, and he abruptly stops yelling, points at me, waving his finger back and forth, and says, "Mama fix the hair!" !!!!! Are you kidding me?? Hello, Ronald (a la Paper Bag Princess - get it?). Big sigh.
We are now a few days past that last in-the-crib nap effort. The poor little future-stylist-slash-escape-artist had little bruises all over his legs from his escape efforts, and a few on his poor little baby head, too :(, so I knew that the crib was no longer a safe option. I looked into crib tents, but decided against one, only because he was close enough to being of big-boy bed age, anyway. My little guy spent a night at his dad's between then and now, and as I suspected, he slept just fine there! This further supported my theory that the crib diving was separation anxiety related - because he is having separation anxiety FROM MOMMI, not anyone else - and at Daddy's, he knows Mama is not an option, so doesn't bother crying to get into her (my) bed!
Anyhow, we decided to take the plunge and move him into a big boy bed. Well, a mini-plunge: we converted his crib into a toddler daybed, so it still has 3 sides, and still uses his crib mattress. The first night, he went down to sleep just fine, rolled out of bed around 3am, but didn't wake and continued his sleep on the floor! But he woke up rather upset at 5:45 :s Likely because he was pretty disoriented! I managed to soothe him in his own bed until 6:15, when his GroClock told him it was okay to get up anyway. The next day, he napped in his big boy bed for an hour - then woke up crying. That night, he slept through till 5:45 again, with another unconscious fall out of bed around 11pm. I suspect he's more sensitive to vibrations from us walking around on the floor outside his room when he's sleeping on his floor, and wakes up when we start moving around in the morning. Boo. Last night, I wedged him into bed against the back rails with a stuffed monkey, and he managed to stay in bed the whole night, and slept a little later, too (6:10am)! :) So, we're getting there.
I also decided to send him to daycare every day this week, suspecting that the consistency would help him with the separation anxiety, which would in turn help with the sleep stuff. And so far, it's been working! :) The last few days at daycare have been really good - his teacher says he only cries for a few minutes after I drop him off, and has been happy and napping very well :) He's sleeping better at home. An the temper tantrums have stopped! For now, I know. I'm sure they'll be back; this is the Terrible Twos, afterall :s But there you have it. Accidental Supermommi has been semi-super and semi-successful at overcoming the challenges her toddler has thrown at her this week ;)
Do you have any experience with separation anxiety, crib diving, or transitioning to a big kid bed? I'd love to hear about it! And come on...I KNOW all of you with kids over 2 have at least a FEW temper tantrum stories :D Please share!
Friday 12 August 2011
Daycare Voyeur Slash Everything-Snob
I know that title suggests I'm some sort of pedophile, and I'm not. I'm not watching random kids at daycare; I'm just watching MINE. Obsessively. Compulsively. But it's his first say of daycare and I'm an interesting mix of worried, excited, and fascinated!
OH - HAHA - THEY HAVE TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS AND ALL THE KIDS HAVE THEIR HANDS ON THEIR HEADS...EXCEPT FOR MINE, WHO IS WANDERING AROUND, TOTALLY NOT CARING :) (I'm trying to write this but I can't help clicking back over to the live video feed the daycare centre provides.)
Mostly worried. He's my baby; I stayed home with him for 14 months, and then had a nanny come into the home to care for him when I returned to work. So this is his first time in this sort of setting. I went with him yesterday for an hour-long visit, I questioned my decision to put him into one class ahead of his age group: he is 26 months, and the class switch is at 30 months. The centre's director suggested he start in the older class, so that he doesn't have to switch just as he's gotten comfortable, and because he is pretty advanced, verbally and physically. That's something I'm obviously proud of, so take as a huge compliment, buuuuut...then come the worries. Is putting him in the older class making him the small fish in a big pond? Will it cause him to learn quicker from the influence and example of the older kids...or will it hurt his self esteem and give him an inferiority complex??
OH NO - ALL THE KIDS ARE IN A CIRCLE FOR STORYTIME, AND THERE IS A LADY TRYING TO CLEAN UP THE TABLES BEHIND, BUT SHE HAS TO KEEP STOPPING AND PLOPPING MY SON BACK INTO THE CIRCLE, BECAUSE HE KEEPS LEAVING TO ROAM
If you've been following this blog from the beginning, or know me personally, you may realize that incessant worry and over-analysis are sort of my things. It's just what I do. And it always come back to the same reason: my son is the best and most important thing I've ever done - and I really don't want to screw it (him) up! So, a lot of thought and investigation went into the decision of if, when and where to send him to daycare.
OKAY: WE WERE TOLD THIS MORNING THAT THEY WOULD BE MAKING MONKEYS TODAY, BUT SO FAR, ALL I'VE SEEN IS PLAYING...WHEN DOES THE MONKEY-MAKING BEGIN?
When he was a year old, I felt he was just too young to go to daycare. He couldn't verbalize his wants, needs, or complaints. Plus, the whole sleeping thing: I did not believe he would be able to sleep as well away from home. Some of this is likely just my own neurotic perception, but a lot is real: he just has a hard time shutting down when it's time to sleep, and is a really light sleeper to boot - he comes by that honestly: just like his momma! There was my fear of illness: I obviously know he is going to get sick, that we all do, that it is normal. But I felt if I could protect him when he was little, he'd be bigger and stronger and better able to fight things off when he did get sick, he could better communicate what was wrong and what he needed, and there are more safe drug options to treat his symptoms when he was older!
I'm getting off-topic, but when I talk about illness prevention, people often make comments about me keeping him in a bubble and the like. So I feel the need to clarify: I'm neurotic, but I'm not CRAZY. We go out in public, he eats food off the floor, he licks the cart handle at Walmart, he rolls around on the floor with dogs (and visits the dog park, too), and plays with horse manure at the stable. I think the grossest thing he ever did was maybe when he LICKED to glass door at the doctor's office! :s Anyhow, you get the point, right? I didn't have him quarantined, but I liked the idea of limiting his exposure to sick kid germs while at home. And, let me say: IT WORKED. He has been the healthiest kid in the world (partly due to breastfeeding, of course ;)). He made it through two years of life with only two mild colds and one ear infection to sully his record of perfect health - any mommi out there will be forced to recognize that as a pretty mean feat!
Okay, back to childcare selection. I'm going to devote another entire post to nannies, but suffice it to say: they have many advantages; a good nanny makes your life WAY, WAY easier - but a bad nanny makes it so much worse! And, they are not very cost effective. And keeping your child at home with a one on one care provider limits social development through interaction with other children, so...I felt it was appropriate (for MY son) to enter into some sort of daycare provider after the age of two. Oh - also, I was moving to a suburb that had no public transportation, and it seems A LOT of nannies do not have cars.
Because he had been at home up until this point, I believed a home daycare might be the best idea for him. I spoke with three different home daycare providers, after getting recommendations for my area online. All three women were delightful and very reassuring of all my concerns, and none of them said I was crazy :) They were happy to follow my sleep regimen for Avery as best they could, and claimed to serve healthy meals with limited snacking. Where I started to have a change of heart, however, was when I asked about educational activities. One replied, "Well...we colour..." :s Another fared better with, "We do numbers and reading, " until she added, "Oh - and cartoons - they learn from cartoons, too." [insert sound of my hand hitting my head here] I will give you that some cartoons are better than others, and that many do strive to teach certain elements and skills. I do let my son watch TV, and favour shows like Handy Manny (manners and citizenship) and Special Agent Oso (life skills) - oh, and Waybaloo - JUST KIDDING! Have you seen that shit?? Friggin' creepy and messed up, if you ask me... I guess from being a teacher, I'm a bit of an education snob, and I think it's really important, even if informal at this age. Anyhow, I went ahead and visited one, and it was a lovely home, run by a women I'd definitely love to be friends with! But her own son pushed mine twice in the short time we were there (his mom did address it), and it got me thinking about whether it was really possible to treat all the children in your home daycare program equally, if one was your own (which they usually are - I think being able to stay home with their own child is a big reason a lot of home daycare providers decide to do that, but that's just my observation), and I acknowledged that it must be difficult for the child whose home and whose mommy he is sharing, too. Also, this home had a gigantic TV - the biggest I've ever seen in a private residence - as the focal point of the living room, and the woman boasted about having the newest Cars video. It seemed to me that home daycares are a little more like babysitting and a little less like school - which is fine for some people, but it was then that I realized that I was apparently really looking for a Nursery School.
Still undecided, I looked into any daycare centres/nursery schools I could find between my home and work. I discounted those near my work simply because it's a bit of a sketchy neighbourhood, and I can admit that I may also be a neighbourhood snob. (To be fair, it is an interesting area, in that there are many very nice streets with homes that show pride of ownership and are occupied by lovely individuals and families...but then you turn a corner and you're in some scary, scary territory. Obviously, it was the scary territory I was reluctant to send my son into). I crossed several others off the list because of typos or grammatical errors on their websites. Fine, whatever: I'm an editing snob, too. (Someone is totally going to scour this blog and point out every imperfection now, aren't they?! Do it. For real. Because any errors will bother me far more than your pointing them out will, and at least it will give me the opportunity to correct them! :P)
Finally, I found one worth checking out. I visited and met with the owner. It smelled of tea tree oil: points for cleanliness and also for the use of natural products over harsher chemicals ;) None of the kids were crying, and they were cute (snob!). There were educational materials featured on the walls and there was a theme posted for each week, along with corresponding learning activities - KA-CHING! The owner was Italian and said she insisted on every meal being homemade, right down to the pasta sauce - that sounded healthy! They had licensed Educational Assistants in every room, and I liked the adult-child ratios. She reassured me about my sleep-concerns. And she was willing to accommodate my teacher schedule by letting me go down to only two days per week in the summer, in the interest of holding a spot for the following school year. Oh - and let's not forget the cameras!
OH, EFF! I DID FORGET THE CAMERAS AND IN THE TIME I WASN'T STALKING MY CHILD AT DAYCARE, THEY STARTED NAPTIME EARLY AND THE LIGHTS ARE OUT, AND I CAN'T MAKE OUT WHICH DARK BLOB IS MINE!!! THIS IS WHAT I WAS MOST STRESSED ABOUT! THIS IS WHAT I MOST WANTED TO SEE! [REASON KICKING IN: MAYBE THIS IS A GOOD THING...I DID SAY I'D USE THIS BABY-FREE TIME TO BE PRODUCTIVE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND SITTING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, WATCHING HIM EVERY THREE MINUTES ISN'T REALLY BEING PRODUCTIVE...] OOH: THERE IS MOTION IN ONE CORNER THAT LOOKS LIKE BACK-RUBBING - I BET THAT'S MINE; HE WILL NEED BACK-RUBBING. YEP, IT'S DEFINITELY BACK-RUBBING... WAIT - ARE THEY WEARING THEIR SHOES??? WHO CAN SLEEP WITH THEIR SHOES ON?? DEEP BREATHS, DEEP BREATHS...
The live video feed requires a login, and limits parents to three-minute viewings at a time...but you can just log right back in after thee minutes! :D
Okay, I was a bit insane, I'll admit. But know what? Every time I checked on him via those cameras, he was playing! I ended up turning the computer off and catching a bit of a nap myself (only because I was unable to tell which kid was mine, and they all seemed to be pretty still anyway, which was a good sign...), and when I logged back on, he was just getting up - he had been the one who got out of bed and started pushing his cot around the floor and into other kids' cots. But he had also been the one who eventually did settle, and sleep for an hour and a half :D SUCCESS! My greatest fear: conquered! :D And now he is the kid who is waking up, sitting for a while, then jumping up and down on his cot! <3
At the end of the day, he was also the kid who came running up to me with a big smile on his face, telling me he was "PLAYIN'!", and running back to play with his friends and the daycare toys. He was the kid who showed me the paper monkey with gold sparkles he made for me.
On day two (I'm ending him two days a week until the end of the month, so he has time to adjust before starting full time in September. Also, I started writing this post on day one, but it is now three days later and I'm just getting it done.), he was the kid who was happy enough when I left him, had some ups and downs, but was able to get through the, throughout the day, settled into his nap in only a few minutes this time, made me a Bingo-dabbered kangaroo, and took me half an hour to get out of there, because he didn't want to leave! :) So...I guess, after all my fears and stress, I made the right decision for him. I think he's going to be just fine. I also think he's suddenly a lot more verbally communicative (he was good before, but he seems braver and bolder now), AND...while he has not used the potty AT daycare yet, he peed on it at home for the first time that first night! And now, just three days later, he pees on it every time we ask him to!
Anyhow, that is how I made my decision. I'd be interested in hearing about other choices that have worked out for you, what crazy fears you might have had with regard to child care, and whether your child had a transitional period at the start or not! And I should add, for anyone concerned, that in just the two days he has attended daycare, I have dramatically reduced the amount of time I spent being a daycare voyeur :D I bet next week I'll only virtually check in maybe TWENTY time or something... ;) :P
OH - HAHA - THEY HAVE TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS AND ALL THE KIDS HAVE THEIR HANDS ON THEIR HEADS...EXCEPT FOR MINE, WHO IS WANDERING AROUND, TOTALLY NOT CARING :) (I'm trying to write this but I can't help clicking back over to the live video feed the daycare centre provides.)
Mostly worried. He's my baby; I stayed home with him for 14 months, and then had a nanny come into the home to care for him when I returned to work. So this is his first time in this sort of setting. I went with him yesterday for an hour-long visit, I questioned my decision to put him into one class ahead of his age group: he is 26 months, and the class switch is at 30 months. The centre's director suggested he start in the older class, so that he doesn't have to switch just as he's gotten comfortable, and because he is pretty advanced, verbally and physically. That's something I'm obviously proud of, so take as a huge compliment, buuuuut...then come the worries. Is putting him in the older class making him the small fish in a big pond? Will it cause him to learn quicker from the influence and example of the older kids...or will it hurt his self esteem and give him an inferiority complex??
OH NO - ALL THE KIDS ARE IN A CIRCLE FOR STORYTIME, AND THERE IS A LADY TRYING TO CLEAN UP THE TABLES BEHIND, BUT SHE HAS TO KEEP STOPPING AND PLOPPING MY SON BACK INTO THE CIRCLE, BECAUSE HE KEEPS LEAVING TO ROAM
If you've been following this blog from the beginning, or know me personally, you may realize that incessant worry and over-analysis are sort of my things. It's just what I do. And it always come back to the same reason: my son is the best and most important thing I've ever done - and I really don't want to screw it (him) up! So, a lot of thought and investigation went into the decision of if, when and where to send him to daycare.
OKAY: WE WERE TOLD THIS MORNING THAT THEY WOULD BE MAKING MONKEYS TODAY, BUT SO FAR, ALL I'VE SEEN IS PLAYING...WHEN DOES THE MONKEY-MAKING BEGIN?
When he was a year old, I felt he was just too young to go to daycare. He couldn't verbalize his wants, needs, or complaints. Plus, the whole sleeping thing: I did not believe he would be able to sleep as well away from home. Some of this is likely just my own neurotic perception, but a lot is real: he just has a hard time shutting down when it's time to sleep, and is a really light sleeper to boot - he comes by that honestly: just like his momma! There was my fear of illness: I obviously know he is going to get sick, that we all do, that it is normal. But I felt if I could protect him when he was little, he'd be bigger and stronger and better able to fight things off when he did get sick, he could better communicate what was wrong and what he needed, and there are more safe drug options to treat his symptoms when he was older!
I'm getting off-topic, but when I talk about illness prevention, people often make comments about me keeping him in a bubble and the like. So I feel the need to clarify: I'm neurotic, but I'm not CRAZY. We go out in public, he eats food off the floor, he licks the cart handle at Walmart, he rolls around on the floor with dogs (and visits the dog park, too), and plays with horse manure at the stable. I think the grossest thing he ever did was maybe when he LICKED to glass door at the doctor's office! :s Anyhow, you get the point, right? I didn't have him quarantined, but I liked the idea of limiting his exposure to sick kid germs while at home. And, let me say: IT WORKED. He has been the healthiest kid in the world (partly due to breastfeeding, of course ;)). He made it through two years of life with only two mild colds and one ear infection to sully his record of perfect health - any mommi out there will be forced to recognize that as a pretty mean feat!
Okay, back to childcare selection. I'm going to devote another entire post to nannies, but suffice it to say: they have many advantages; a good nanny makes your life WAY, WAY easier - but a bad nanny makes it so much worse! And, they are not very cost effective. And keeping your child at home with a one on one care provider limits social development through interaction with other children, so...I felt it was appropriate (for MY son) to enter into some sort of daycare provider after the age of two. Oh - also, I was moving to a suburb that had no public transportation, and it seems A LOT of nannies do not have cars.
Because he had been at home up until this point, I believed a home daycare might be the best idea for him. I spoke with three different home daycare providers, after getting recommendations for my area online. All three women were delightful and very reassuring of all my concerns, and none of them said I was crazy :) They were happy to follow my sleep regimen for Avery as best they could, and claimed to serve healthy meals with limited snacking. Where I started to have a change of heart, however, was when I asked about educational activities. One replied, "Well...we colour..." :s Another fared better with, "We do numbers and reading, " until she added, "Oh - and cartoons - they learn from cartoons, too." [insert sound of my hand hitting my head here] I will give you that some cartoons are better than others, and that many do strive to teach certain elements and skills. I do let my son watch TV, and favour shows like Handy Manny (manners and citizenship) and Special Agent Oso (life skills) - oh, and Waybaloo - JUST KIDDING! Have you seen that shit?? Friggin' creepy and messed up, if you ask me... I guess from being a teacher, I'm a bit of an education snob, and I think it's really important, even if informal at this age. Anyhow, I went ahead and visited one, and it was a lovely home, run by a women I'd definitely love to be friends with! But her own son pushed mine twice in the short time we were there (his mom did address it), and it got me thinking about whether it was really possible to treat all the children in your home daycare program equally, if one was your own (which they usually are - I think being able to stay home with their own child is a big reason a lot of home daycare providers decide to do that, but that's just my observation), and I acknowledged that it must be difficult for the child whose home and whose mommy he is sharing, too. Also, this home had a gigantic TV - the biggest I've ever seen in a private residence - as the focal point of the living room, and the woman boasted about having the newest Cars video. It seemed to me that home daycares are a little more like babysitting and a little less like school - which is fine for some people, but it was then that I realized that I was apparently really looking for a Nursery School.
Still undecided, I looked into any daycare centres/nursery schools I could find between my home and work. I discounted those near my work simply because it's a bit of a sketchy neighbourhood, and I can admit that I may also be a neighbourhood snob. (To be fair, it is an interesting area, in that there are many very nice streets with homes that show pride of ownership and are occupied by lovely individuals and families...but then you turn a corner and you're in some scary, scary territory. Obviously, it was the scary territory I was reluctant to send my son into). I crossed several others off the list because of typos or grammatical errors on their websites. Fine, whatever: I'm an editing snob, too. (Someone is totally going to scour this blog and point out every imperfection now, aren't they?! Do it. For real. Because any errors will bother me far more than your pointing them out will, and at least it will give me the opportunity to correct them! :P)
Finally, I found one worth checking out. I visited and met with the owner. It smelled of tea tree oil: points for cleanliness and also for the use of natural products over harsher chemicals ;) None of the kids were crying, and they were cute (snob!). There were educational materials featured on the walls and there was a theme posted for each week, along with corresponding learning activities - KA-CHING! The owner was Italian and said she insisted on every meal being homemade, right down to the pasta sauce - that sounded healthy! They had licensed Educational Assistants in every room, and I liked the adult-child ratios. She reassured me about my sleep-concerns. And she was willing to accommodate my teacher schedule by letting me go down to only two days per week in the summer, in the interest of holding a spot for the following school year. Oh - and let's not forget the cameras!
OH, EFF! I DID FORGET THE CAMERAS AND IN THE TIME I WASN'T STALKING MY CHILD AT DAYCARE, THEY STARTED NAPTIME EARLY AND THE LIGHTS ARE OUT, AND I CAN'T MAKE OUT WHICH DARK BLOB IS MINE!!! THIS IS WHAT I WAS MOST STRESSED ABOUT! THIS IS WHAT I MOST WANTED TO SEE! [REASON KICKING IN: MAYBE THIS IS A GOOD THING...I DID SAY I'D USE THIS BABY-FREE TIME TO BE PRODUCTIVE AROUND THE HOUSE, AND SITTING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER, WATCHING HIM EVERY THREE MINUTES ISN'T REALLY BEING PRODUCTIVE...] OOH: THERE IS MOTION IN ONE CORNER THAT LOOKS LIKE BACK-RUBBING - I BET THAT'S MINE; HE WILL NEED BACK-RUBBING. YEP, IT'S DEFINITELY BACK-RUBBING... WAIT - ARE THEY WEARING THEIR SHOES??? WHO CAN SLEEP WITH THEIR SHOES ON?? DEEP BREATHS, DEEP BREATHS...
The live video feed requires a login, and limits parents to three-minute viewings at a time...but you can just log right back in after thee minutes! :D
Okay, I was a bit insane, I'll admit. But know what? Every time I checked on him via those cameras, he was playing! I ended up turning the computer off and catching a bit of a nap myself (only because I was unable to tell which kid was mine, and they all seemed to be pretty still anyway, which was a good sign...), and when I logged back on, he was just getting up - he had been the one who got out of bed and started pushing his cot around the floor and into other kids' cots. But he had also been the one who eventually did settle, and sleep for an hour and a half :D SUCCESS! My greatest fear: conquered! :D And now he is the kid who is waking up, sitting for a while, then jumping up and down on his cot! <3
At the end of the day, he was also the kid who came running up to me with a big smile on his face, telling me he was "PLAYIN'!", and running back to play with his friends and the daycare toys. He was the kid who showed me the paper monkey with gold sparkles he made for me.
On day two (I'm ending him two days a week until the end of the month, so he has time to adjust before starting full time in September. Also, I started writing this post on day one, but it is now three days later and I'm just getting it done.), he was the kid who was happy enough when I left him, had some ups and downs, but was able to get through the, throughout the day, settled into his nap in only a few minutes this time, made me a Bingo-dabbered kangaroo, and took me half an hour to get out of there, because he didn't want to leave! :) So...I guess, after all my fears and stress, I made the right decision for him. I think he's going to be just fine. I also think he's suddenly a lot more verbally communicative (he was good before, but he seems braver and bolder now), AND...while he has not used the potty AT daycare yet, he peed on it at home for the first time that first night! And now, just three days later, he pees on it every time we ask him to!
Anyhow, that is how I made my decision. I'd be interested in hearing about other choices that have worked out for you, what crazy fears you might have had with regard to child care, and whether your child had a transitional period at the start or not! And I should add, for anyone concerned, that in just the two days he has attended daycare, I have dramatically reduced the amount of time I spent being a daycare voyeur :D I bet next week I'll only virtually check in maybe TWENTY time or something... ;) :P
Wednesday 27 July 2011
Sweet, Sweet Relief (a.k.a. SLEEP) - and a CONTEST!
My 5:30am woes ended Monday (two Mondays ago now; it took me a while to complete this post), when I did nothing differently than I had been doing, but he decided to take pity on me and sleep till 7:32am :D VICTORY! Yeah, I just said I didn't do anything differently, but I SURVIVED (and didn't kill him, either), so I'm taking the win on this one. Of course, as is the way with my child, I will now be punished for my gloating with another early morning in the immediate future...but maybe not :)
By this point (two years in to mommihood), I have come to realize that babies often make liars out of you, and to expect the unexpected, but most importantly, to remember that everything is a phase, and early wakings, too, shall pass - it just doesn't feel that way at the time :s Somehow, I have prevailed! In my last post, I mentioned my heavy reliance on friends, family, and my Blackberry. But I had a few other resources, too...
One of my found-friends, Lindsay (a relative of a friend of mine who must have voiced her sleep-related desperation a time or two, enabling my friend to see a potential match and put us in contact with one another!), led me to two different forms of help.
The first was a sleep doula - YES! There are people who specialize in infant sleep!!! They will come to your home and stay overnight and either help you take care of your baby, instilling confidence in your own abilities, suggesting ways to help your baby sleep, and just sharing the burden...or they will do it FOR YOU, allowing you to take a break and get some rest (after taking an Ativan (if you're not breastfeeding - or drinking a few glasses (bottles!) of wine and pumping and dumping if you are!) and putting in earplugs, of course). I was SO jealous. I looked up Halton Doulas who had helped Lindsay so much, but sadly for me, such services came with a hefty pricetag (like, thousands), and my husband vetoed that possibility. I found another doula service that offered a compromise: Precious Moments Doulas offered sleep support, but by email or phone, with one in-home visit to start. This doula was still a big expense, but hundreds instead of thousands. But...my husband vetoed that idea, too. In retrospect, I think the support I might have gotten would have been well worth the price - and perhaps helped OUR relationship, too, but anyway...
When I called Precious Moments, the woman there gave me a list of references, and one couple that I called was unexpectedly helpful. That mommi understood exactly what I was dealing with and had had a similar experience with her daughter, however she also understood my reluctance (actually, my husband's outright refusal) with regard to the price of hiring a sleep doula, even a phone/email one. She told me about a website that offered free information and worksheets to develop a sleep plan for your child, and gave lots of tips that were similar to what she was taught with Precious Moments. That site is ultimately what I used: The Baby Sleep Site was a jackpot!
Nicole Johnson is the brains behind The Baby Sleep Site, and offers lots of free information, as well as paid consultations. I paid. Check the site for updated prices, but I think it was $80 for 10 "tickets". A ticket is a new problem, and there might be one or ten or twenty emails exchanged in solving that problem, but it still counts as one ticket. It wasn't rocket science, and the advice Nicole gave me was similar or the same as that I got from friends Kara and Lindsay, and from two books I will mention in a minute...but it was nice to hear it from an "expert" (Nicole is modest enough to explain that she has no formal training on baby sleep - she learned by trial and error, books, etcetera, in the process of trying to work with her own sleep-challenged child, but now has lots of experience helping others), one I could whine/complain/cry to via email at any given time, knowing that this woman was PAID to listen to me do so! My friends were great for that same purpose, but I was aware of how boring it must have been for them, how I was just repeating myself, same thing day after day... :s Anyhow, Nicole replies within 48 hours to a new problem, and faster once she has engaged in helping you solve it. Her replies are compassionate and understanding, and written in user-friendly language. More than worth my $80! Oh - and I should mention that she offers multiple options for you to try, so if you're not okay with "Cry It Out", she understands, and offers alternatives.
As I mentioned, there were two books that were also life savers. The first is The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5, recommended by Lindsay. Great book, well laid-out, easy to understand. Gives comprehensive information and game plans to help get your child sleeping better. The authors also have a website that has sleep planners and worksheets you can download for free. Check it out here. I highly recommend this book, and the methods it explains. Lindsay said it had worked for four friends of hers, her own son, and then mine.
My Sleep Guru friend, Kara, had used another book that I now refer to as The Sleep Bible. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is much like The Sleepeasy Solution, but much loooonger. [sigh: a big chunk of text went missing from here and now I have to piece it back together, and it won't be as good...] The length might be off-putting for some, but for an obsessed Sleep-Nazi like me, it was like crack. Or whatever highly-addictive upper Nazis like. Finally, here was someone TELLING me what to do (remember: sleep deprivation had rendered my decision making abilities obsolete), why it was right, and why I would not permanently damage my child from following them. A note on "right": Weissbluth's methods were right for me, and highly recommend them - but I am open-minded enough to realize that they're not for everyone, and believe that you should find what works for your family and do that, regardless of what outsiders say. Take my recommendations for what they're worth. But did I mention Cindy Crawford wrote the forward for the book? Maybe she has more sway than lowly old me ;)
I'd love it if followers would share their own baby-sleep struggles and successes here, perhaps engaging in a friendly debate of different sleep beliefs and practices...? But if you DO comment, please keep it friendly. You will notice that your comments do not appear immediately anymore, because I have had to add the "comment moderation" option, due to a rather mean comment on my 5:30am post :s I was quite surprised and hurt by the comment, because to date, all of the feedback I've received has been positive and encouraging. However, I realize that by sharing a lot of personal information and thoughts in a public forum such as this blog, I open myself up to scrutiny and negative feedback, too, and that's okay. I didn't delete the negative post, because I do want followers to be able to share truthfully, even when that means disagreeing with me. Everything I'm sharing is only my personal experience, and I welcome constructive criticism and alternate suggestions! But please do so in a beneficial and community-building spirit. This blog is meant for good, not evil ;) So, please comment freely, and I will approve everything that isn't mean-spirited. I want to promote the exchange of ideas, but not the ridicule of any one person. THANKS!
To end on a positive note, I'M HAVING A CONTEST! I have my four copies of Go the F**k to Sleep now, and intend to give three to friends - and blog followers count as friends (yeah, that sounds SO lame)! So please find the post that shares the book's title (yes, shameless attempt to get you to search through past posts) and share your own sleep-related struggle in a comment - best (worst!) story wins a copy of Go the F**k to Sleep! :)
By this point (two years in to mommihood), I have come to realize that babies often make liars out of you, and to expect the unexpected, but most importantly, to remember that everything is a phase, and early wakings, too, shall pass - it just doesn't feel that way at the time :s Somehow, I have prevailed! In my last post, I mentioned my heavy reliance on friends, family, and my Blackberry. But I had a few other resources, too...
One of my found-friends, Lindsay (a relative of a friend of mine who must have voiced her sleep-related desperation a time or two, enabling my friend to see a potential match and put us in contact with one another!), led me to two different forms of help.
The first was a sleep doula - YES! There are people who specialize in infant sleep!!! They will come to your home and stay overnight and either help you take care of your baby, instilling confidence in your own abilities, suggesting ways to help your baby sleep, and just sharing the burden...or they will do it FOR YOU, allowing you to take a break and get some rest (after taking an Ativan (if you're not breastfeeding - or drinking a few glasses (bottles!) of wine and pumping and dumping if you are!) and putting in earplugs, of course). I was SO jealous. I looked up Halton Doulas who had helped Lindsay so much, but sadly for me, such services came with a hefty pricetag (like, thousands), and my husband vetoed that possibility. I found another doula service that offered a compromise: Precious Moments Doulas offered sleep support, but by email or phone, with one in-home visit to start. This doula was still a big expense, but hundreds instead of thousands. But...my husband vetoed that idea, too. In retrospect, I think the support I might have gotten would have been well worth the price - and perhaps helped OUR relationship, too, but anyway...
When I called Precious Moments, the woman there gave me a list of references, and one couple that I called was unexpectedly helpful. That mommi understood exactly what I was dealing with and had had a similar experience with her daughter, however she also understood my reluctance (actually, my husband's outright refusal) with regard to the price of hiring a sleep doula, even a phone/email one. She told me about a website that offered free information and worksheets to develop a sleep plan for your child, and gave lots of tips that were similar to what she was taught with Precious Moments. That site is ultimately what I used: The Baby Sleep Site was a jackpot!
Nicole Johnson is the brains behind The Baby Sleep Site, and offers lots of free information, as well as paid consultations. I paid. Check the site for updated prices, but I think it was $80 for 10 "tickets". A ticket is a new problem, and there might be one or ten or twenty emails exchanged in solving that problem, but it still counts as one ticket. It wasn't rocket science, and the advice Nicole gave me was similar or the same as that I got from friends Kara and Lindsay, and from two books I will mention in a minute...but it was nice to hear it from an "expert" (Nicole is modest enough to explain that she has no formal training on baby sleep - she learned by trial and error, books, etcetera, in the process of trying to work with her own sleep-challenged child, but now has lots of experience helping others), one I could whine/complain/cry to via email at any given time, knowing that this woman was PAID to listen to me do so! My friends were great for that same purpose, but I was aware of how boring it must have been for them, how I was just repeating myself, same thing day after day... :s Anyhow, Nicole replies within 48 hours to a new problem, and faster once she has engaged in helping you solve it. Her replies are compassionate and understanding, and written in user-friendly language. More than worth my $80! Oh - and I should mention that she offers multiple options for you to try, so if you're not okay with "Cry It Out", she understands, and offers alternatives.
As I mentioned, there were two books that were also life savers. The first is The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5, recommended by Lindsay. Great book, well laid-out, easy to understand. Gives comprehensive information and game plans to help get your child sleeping better. The authors also have a website that has sleep planners and worksheets you can download for free. Check it out here. I highly recommend this book, and the methods it explains. Lindsay said it had worked for four friends of hers, her own son, and then mine.
My Sleep Guru friend, Kara, had used another book that I now refer to as The Sleep Bible. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is much like The Sleepeasy Solution, but much loooonger. [sigh: a big chunk of text went missing from here and now I have to piece it back together, and it won't be as good...] The length might be off-putting for some, but for an obsessed Sleep-Nazi like me, it was like crack. Or whatever highly-addictive upper Nazis like. Finally, here was someone TELLING me what to do (remember: sleep deprivation had rendered my decision making abilities obsolete), why it was right, and why I would not permanently damage my child from following them. A note on "right": Weissbluth's methods were right for me, and highly recommend them - but I am open-minded enough to realize that they're not for everyone, and believe that you should find what works for your family and do that, regardless of what outsiders say. Take my recommendations for what they're worth. But did I mention Cindy Crawford wrote the forward for the book? Maybe she has more sway than lowly old me ;)
I'd love it if followers would share their own baby-sleep struggles and successes here, perhaps engaging in a friendly debate of different sleep beliefs and practices...? But if you DO comment, please keep it friendly. You will notice that your comments do not appear immediately anymore, because I have had to add the "comment moderation" option, due to a rather mean comment on my 5:30am post :s I was quite surprised and hurt by the comment, because to date, all of the feedback I've received has been positive and encouraging. However, I realize that by sharing a lot of personal information and thoughts in a public forum such as this blog, I open myself up to scrutiny and negative feedback, too, and that's okay. I didn't delete the negative post, because I do want followers to be able to share truthfully, even when that means disagreeing with me. Everything I'm sharing is only my personal experience, and I welcome constructive criticism and alternate suggestions! But please do so in a beneficial and community-building spirit. This blog is meant for good, not evil ;) So, please comment freely, and I will approve everything that isn't mean-spirited. I want to promote the exchange of ideas, but not the ridicule of any one person. THANKS!
To end on a positive note, I'M HAVING A CONTEST! I have my four copies of Go the F**k to Sleep now, and intend to give three to friends - and blog followers count as friends (yeah, that sounds SO lame)! So please find the post that shares the book's title (yes, shameless attempt to get you to search through past posts) and share your own sleep-related struggle in a comment - best (worst!) story wins a copy of Go the F**k to Sleep! :)
Saturday 16 July 2011
5:30am and the Big Deal About Sleep(lessness)
I've been meaning to write another post for a few weeks now - the big post - the one on sleep: sleeplessness, sleep deprivation, sleep issues... But it's summer holidays, and I've been busy taking my son on little excursions, having playdates, walks, lots of fun. Sounds relaxing, huh? Except I'm stressed beyond belief because my days have been starting at 5:30am all of a sudden, and I've been dealing with the very issues that almost drove me mad within the first few months of mommihood. You know what? I'm in such a bad mood (place!), I had to force myself to be cutesy and say mommihood (which I'm only doing for literary consistency).
Sleep, sleep...wherefore art thou, sleep? Any non-parents, as well as any mommi (or daddy (in this mood, there's not a chance I'm going to write daddi) who had an easy-sleeping baby will not understand any of my sleep-related posts. We've all had a few rough nights, right? But the sleep deprivation experienced with a newborn is nothing like those rough mornings after a wild kegger back in college (or, for many of you baby-free people, last night). Once you've had a child, there IS no "sleeping in" - ever. Well, there is, but the term takes on a whole new meaning. Sleeping in, to me, sleeping in is now anything past 7am. 7:30 is a luxury I dream not of. This morning, I would have been elated with 6.
My now-two-year-old has recently decided to wake at 5:30am every morning, regardless of when he goes to bed. He's also decided to refuse the nap I've come to depend on (yes, I, not he) every other day. The inconsistency, coupled with sleep deprivation, honestly makes me insane. Which takes me right back to the beginning, and why I wanted to write this blog in the first place...
That whole "sleeping like a baby" thing? Utter crap. Lies! I HOPE you never sleep like a baby! At least not like my baby. My kid never slept.
For months, I swear he never slept more than 3 hours at a time - and that was at night; more often he'd sleep for an hour and a half. Throughout the day, it was never more than 45 minutes - but usually more like 15-20. The only time he'd sleep longer than that was when in motion (so, in the stroller or in the car - that swing business never worked for us), which would infuriate me, because I desperately needed the sleep, too, and I obviously couldn't sleep while driving or walking.
He'd also take "boob naps", where he'd fall asleep nursing. If the kid is hungry, I'm going to feed him...but some babies nurse for comfort (well, I guess they all do to start), and THAT gets annoying - especially for mommies like me, who never liked the breastfeeding. So, he'd be eating, but would fall asleep and stop suckling...so I'd try to de-latch him...but he'd do a quick, insistent suck, pretending he was still eating...fall asleep...repeat. He was perfectly content, but I was not.
After a few months, he did start sleeping longer stretches at night, but there was always an hour plus in between those stretches. He was never a nurse and go back to sleep kind of baby. It was always a long, involved process to get him back to sleep, regardless of time of day.
He was never content just sitting with me, awake. If he fell asleep on me, I could sit, and he'd stay sleeping. But I couldn't sit or rock with him and expect him to stay content or fall asleep. We had to be in motion: walking, swaying, bouncing - ALL THE TIME. On the upside, I lost all my baby weight (plus another 15lbs) really quickly. People would ask me how I did it, was I working out, etcetera...? Um, no: I was walking and bouncing 20 hours a day, lifting 10-30lbs (baby plus ridiculous infant carrier) for the duration of those 20 hours, not sleeping, and not having time to eat - there's my secret! But I don't recommend it :s
People tell you: "sleep when the baby sleeps" - but what if yours just doesn't?? The only thing worse than no nap is a failed nap attempt - to try to sleep, only to be woken just before you get there, or just after.
Did I mention that my son's "nights" didn't start until 1am or so? Before that, he wouldn't sleep any more than 45 minutes, daytime nap-style, so I didn't bother trying to actually go to bed before then anyway. And mornings started anytime after 5am. It made for extremely long days!
Baby Blues, thanks to the hormonal flux after childbirth, coupled with this sleeplessness, plus just all the new-found stresses of being a mommi made a very bad combo. I was miserable. It got to the point where I couldn't enjoy anything. If someone came to visit me, that would inevitably be the one time my son decided to have a longer than 20 minutes nap, and I'd spend the visit thinking bitterly about the sleep I was missing out on, instead of enjoying the company. I became unable to make decisions. I actually remember my mom coming over and sitting on the front porch with me, offering to watch the baby for me so I could sleep...but I needed to go grocery shopping, and do laundry, and sweep the floors...and I honestly could not decide where to start. And I was aware of it. I said to her, "Can you just tell me what I'm going to do? Because I can't decide; I can't think straight; I just can't do it." To anyone who hasn't experienced this, I'm sure I'm not conveying the desperation I experienced. But I'm tearing up just writing about it, remembering.
My desperation got so bad, I found myself approaching random strangers at WalMart, searching for someone who might have felt the same way I did. Okay, I didn't do the approaching...but randoms approach YOU when you're out with a new baby. And if anyone of them asked me how I was or whether he was a "good" baby (which has always annoyed me - I mean, he was a terrible SLEEPER, not a bad BABY!), I would attack! - telling them how tired and defeated I felt, asking them if their babies had slept well, hoping for a no and for some secret to surviving it.
I didn't stop at WalMart for my support group of random strangers, either...I started trolling online message boards for tired parents. I found some, but it wasn't enough - online strangers didn't do it for me. But ONLINE did. I found a few supporters that I actually knew, and kept in touch with them via various electronic mediums. My Blackberry smartphone became my lifeline. I was so lonely in my desperation that I needed that contact, that validation, that "feel good" at all hours of the day. This was good and bad and lent itself to both helpful and unhealthy interactions that I won't expand on here. Still, for better or worse, contact with supportive people got me through some really dark times.
Why did I feel so alone? I had a husband, I had my baby, I had a lot of help from my mom, and a little from my friends (friend-loss after mommihood is fodder for another post)... But no one else was actually experiencing the life-change and sleeplessness and hormonal flux I was; no one really understood, just as many followers of this blog will not understand it either. People kept saying, "Enjoy this time while it lasts - they're little for such a short time" - but I was NOT enjoying it, and I felt like a terrible failure because of that. Don't misunderstand me: I always loved my child - more than anything I'd ever felt before. My sleep deprivation-driven desperation never interfered with my ability to care for him, to be sweet to him, to put him first. But I knew that the sleep-obsessed crazy wasn't how mommies were supposed to feel! I knew I was boring my non-mommi friends with my constant talk of sleep. I've mentioned my marital breakdown several times before this, so you can imagine I wasn't getting much support from that avenue (I credit the lack of support in parenthood as a major factor in our demise, actually, but in fairness, I know that the stranger-approaching, sleep-obsessed, miserable me wasn't easy to deal with either :s).
The sleep thing did get easier. My son started sleeping through the night (after extensive sleep training - again, another post). But before that, something else helped: I found a few friends (real-life, real-time friends!) who DID get it, who HAD experienced it...and that made a huge difference in my life. I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in the battle against sleeplessness, that my baby wasn't the only one who did not "sleep like a baby", and that I wasn't a horrible failure at mommihood because I didn't enjoy every aspect of it.
So, THANK YOU Lindsay and Kara, who lived it with me (Lindsay with a similarly sleep-challenged baby, and Kara, who became my Sleep Coach/Guru). Thank you to Karen and Tara, who didn't have the same experience, but who listened without complaint anyway. To Cassandra and Krista and Vendy, who became baby-friends (friends who evolved their friendships with me to accommodate my new lifestyle). To so many people who made a big difference through little acts of kindness; I'm sorry that I'm not mentioning you all individually, but I love you just as much!
Enough mush. I'm tired, and that's not my style anyway. Here is my point: if you don't feel like you think mommies are supposed to feel, it's okay, and you're not alone. I'm writing this blog to share that.
Some babies are shitty sleepers. I have one of them. And it sucks. And it gets better, but then it gets worse again! Everything is a phase (unfortunately the good things, too). But even those sleep-challenged babies are worth every sleepless moment :) That won't stop me from complaining about it, though!
More to come. Probably at 5:30am tomorrow morning :s
I'd love it if followers would actually comment and commiserate, but you seem to prefer to message me privately on facebook instead. That's cool - the sleepless are a secret-sect...but I know you're out there!!!
6 hours till naptime...
Sleep, sleep...wherefore art thou, sleep? Any non-parents, as well as any mommi (or daddy (in this mood, there's not a chance I'm going to write daddi) who had an easy-sleeping baby will not understand any of my sleep-related posts. We've all had a few rough nights, right? But the sleep deprivation experienced with a newborn is nothing like those rough mornings after a wild kegger back in college (or, for many of you baby-free people, last night). Once you've had a child, there IS no "sleeping in" - ever. Well, there is, but the term takes on a whole new meaning. Sleeping in, to me, sleeping in is now anything past 7am. 7:30 is a luxury I dream not of. This morning, I would have been elated with 6.
My now-two-year-old has recently decided to wake at 5:30am every morning, regardless of when he goes to bed. He's also decided to refuse the nap I've come to depend on (yes, I, not he) every other day. The inconsistency, coupled with sleep deprivation, honestly makes me insane. Which takes me right back to the beginning, and why I wanted to write this blog in the first place...
That whole "sleeping like a baby" thing? Utter crap. Lies! I HOPE you never sleep like a baby! At least not like my baby. My kid never slept.
For months, I swear he never slept more than 3 hours at a time - and that was at night; more often he'd sleep for an hour and a half. Throughout the day, it was never more than 45 minutes - but usually more like 15-20. The only time he'd sleep longer than that was when in motion (so, in the stroller or in the car - that swing business never worked for us), which would infuriate me, because I desperately needed the sleep, too, and I obviously couldn't sleep while driving or walking.
He'd also take "boob naps", where he'd fall asleep nursing. If the kid is hungry, I'm going to feed him...but some babies nurse for comfort (well, I guess they all do to start), and THAT gets annoying - especially for mommies like me, who never liked the breastfeeding. So, he'd be eating, but would fall asleep and stop suckling...so I'd try to de-latch him...but he'd do a quick, insistent suck, pretending he was still eating...fall asleep...repeat. He was perfectly content, but I was not.
After a few months, he did start sleeping longer stretches at night, but there was always an hour plus in between those stretches. He was never a nurse and go back to sleep kind of baby. It was always a long, involved process to get him back to sleep, regardless of time of day.
He was never content just sitting with me, awake. If he fell asleep on me, I could sit, and he'd stay sleeping. But I couldn't sit or rock with him and expect him to stay content or fall asleep. We had to be in motion: walking, swaying, bouncing - ALL THE TIME. On the upside, I lost all my baby weight (plus another 15lbs) really quickly. People would ask me how I did it, was I working out, etcetera...? Um, no: I was walking and bouncing 20 hours a day, lifting 10-30lbs (baby plus ridiculous infant carrier) for the duration of those 20 hours, not sleeping, and not having time to eat - there's my secret! But I don't recommend it :s
People tell you: "sleep when the baby sleeps" - but what if yours just doesn't?? The only thing worse than no nap is a failed nap attempt - to try to sleep, only to be woken just before you get there, or just after.
Did I mention that my son's "nights" didn't start until 1am or so? Before that, he wouldn't sleep any more than 45 minutes, daytime nap-style, so I didn't bother trying to actually go to bed before then anyway. And mornings started anytime after 5am. It made for extremely long days!
Baby Blues, thanks to the hormonal flux after childbirth, coupled with this sleeplessness, plus just all the new-found stresses of being a mommi made a very bad combo. I was miserable. It got to the point where I couldn't enjoy anything. If someone came to visit me, that would inevitably be the one time my son decided to have a longer than 20 minutes nap, and I'd spend the visit thinking bitterly about the sleep I was missing out on, instead of enjoying the company. I became unable to make decisions. I actually remember my mom coming over and sitting on the front porch with me, offering to watch the baby for me so I could sleep...but I needed to go grocery shopping, and do laundry, and sweep the floors...and I honestly could not decide where to start. And I was aware of it. I said to her, "Can you just tell me what I'm going to do? Because I can't decide; I can't think straight; I just can't do it." To anyone who hasn't experienced this, I'm sure I'm not conveying the desperation I experienced. But I'm tearing up just writing about it, remembering.
My desperation got so bad, I found myself approaching random strangers at WalMart, searching for someone who might have felt the same way I did. Okay, I didn't do the approaching...but randoms approach YOU when you're out with a new baby. And if anyone of them asked me how I was or whether he was a "good" baby (which has always annoyed me - I mean, he was a terrible SLEEPER, not a bad BABY!), I would attack! - telling them how tired and defeated I felt, asking them if their babies had slept well, hoping for a no and for some secret to surviving it.
I didn't stop at WalMart for my support group of random strangers, either...I started trolling online message boards for tired parents. I found some, but it wasn't enough - online strangers didn't do it for me. But ONLINE did. I found a few supporters that I actually knew, and kept in touch with them via various electronic mediums. My Blackberry smartphone became my lifeline. I was so lonely in my desperation that I needed that contact, that validation, that "feel good" at all hours of the day. This was good and bad and lent itself to both helpful and unhealthy interactions that I won't expand on here. Still, for better or worse, contact with supportive people got me through some really dark times.
Why did I feel so alone? I had a husband, I had my baby, I had a lot of help from my mom, and a little from my friends (friend-loss after mommihood is fodder for another post)... But no one else was actually experiencing the life-change and sleeplessness and hormonal flux I was; no one really understood, just as many followers of this blog will not understand it either. People kept saying, "Enjoy this time while it lasts - they're little for such a short time" - but I was NOT enjoying it, and I felt like a terrible failure because of that. Don't misunderstand me: I always loved my child - more than anything I'd ever felt before. My sleep deprivation-driven desperation never interfered with my ability to care for him, to be sweet to him, to put him first. But I knew that the sleep-obsessed crazy wasn't how mommies were supposed to feel! I knew I was boring my non-mommi friends with my constant talk of sleep. I've mentioned my marital breakdown several times before this, so you can imagine I wasn't getting much support from that avenue (I credit the lack of support in parenthood as a major factor in our demise, actually, but in fairness, I know that the stranger-approaching, sleep-obsessed, miserable me wasn't easy to deal with either :s).
The sleep thing did get easier. My son started sleeping through the night (after extensive sleep training - again, another post). But before that, something else helped: I found a few friends (real-life, real-time friends!) who DID get it, who HAD experienced it...and that made a huge difference in my life. I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone in the battle against sleeplessness, that my baby wasn't the only one who did not "sleep like a baby", and that I wasn't a horrible failure at mommihood because I didn't enjoy every aspect of it.
So, THANK YOU Lindsay and Kara, who lived it with me (Lindsay with a similarly sleep-challenged baby, and Kara, who became my Sleep Coach/Guru). Thank you to Karen and Tara, who didn't have the same experience, but who listened without complaint anyway. To Cassandra and Krista and Vendy, who became baby-friends (friends who evolved their friendships with me to accommodate my new lifestyle). To so many people who made a big difference through little acts of kindness; I'm sorry that I'm not mentioning you all individually, but I love you just as much!
Enough mush. I'm tired, and that's not my style anyway. Here is my point: if you don't feel like you think mommies are supposed to feel, it's okay, and you're not alone. I'm writing this blog to share that.
Some babies are shitty sleepers. I have one of them. And it sucks. And it gets better, but then it gets worse again! Everything is a phase (unfortunately the good things, too). But even those sleep-challenged babies are worth every sleepless moment :) That won't stop me from complaining about it, though!
More to come. Probably at 5:30am tomorrow morning :s
I'd love it if followers would actually comment and commiserate, but you seem to prefer to message me privately on facebook instead. That's cool - the sleepless are a secret-sect...but I know you're out there!!!
6 hours till naptime...
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