There's a Reason You're Supposed to get Married, THEN have Kids

It's so that you don't have to take your kids with you on your honeymoon.

Justin and I got married! It was a destination wedding, or "Weddingmoon" if, like us, you are too poor to afford another week away after your destination wedding ;) The wedding was beautiful and perfect. On the beach of Paradise Island, Bahamas, my best friend waited for me, looking dashingly handsome and holding our almost-6 month old (in coordinating shorts and shirt with the groomsmen) - awww! But wait, it got cuter: my dad passed away shortly before my first wedding, so I needed someone to walk me down the aisle. Who better to fill that big man's shoes than my 3 year old! It was touching and adorable - and the stars aligned to have him actually behaving himself for the few minutes necessary for the ceremony! Bunch of words, some great tunes (processional: Lauryn Hill's "Tell Him" - think it's a weird choice? The lyrics are pretty much Corinthians 13...recessional: City and Colour's "The Girl" - a song Justin played on the guitar for me early in our relationship, first dance (which took place later, but I'm telling you now): Adele's "One and Only"), a few swoon-worthy tears from my groom...and we were officially a family, in legal terms ;)

 

*Photos by the fabulous Beth and Ty*

It was just perfect. However...the trip on the whole, was not :s. One of the problems was just that we were trying to cram 4 vacations into 1: a wedding/honeymoon, a family vacation, a friends trip, and an extended family trip. It wasn't possible to please everyone, or ourselves; we couldn't fit in everything everyone wanted to do; we all had different agendas. But, being a blog on mommihood, I won't go on about that: I'll focus on the traveling with kids part :)

Given that stressing and worrying and obsessing about things is kind of my deal, I began well in advance of ever leaving. The first thing I honed all of my crazy-mommi powers on was choosing the wedding date and resort. Time-wise, we had to get married between June and December - because it had to be AFTER I had given birth, and before I returned to work post-parental leave (I am a teacher, so can't request vacation time outside regular school holidays, which happen to be the busiest and most expensive times to travel - other than the summer, but I am morally opposed to paying to go somewhere hot when it is hot in our own backyard). And we wanted a hot, destination wedding, so that eliminated a lot of options. Because we were going to be traveling with kids, I was even more afraid of food and water-borne illnesses in countries like Dominican Republic. Justin was afraid of getting murdered in Mexico. We like Jamaica, but wanted somewhere closer so that some guests could go for a shorter duration if they liked. So, we chose the Bahamas. Then we wanted an all-inclusive, because it's ridiculously expensive to eat there and we didn't want our guests to be blind-sided. There are only 3 all-inclusives on the beach in the Bahamas: Atlantis was out of our price range; Breezes looked great and offered Martha Stewart wedding packages!...but was 16+, which would have been awesome, had we not had children...; so, the RIU Palace Paradise Island it was! I had heard good things about RIUs, so we booked it!

First note: just because a resort allows children, does not mean it is child-friendly :s But I'll get to that; I need to go I order or I'll miss something.

My next source of anxiety and distress was over the actual getting-there of the trip. My kids had never flown, and as anyone who has read any of the previous posts on this blog will know, I'm a sleep nazi, and don't like anything to interfere with my kids' sleep schedules. Because I am one of the unluckiest people in the world, the only flight offered as part of our vacation package was at 6:20am, which would mean having to wake the kids at like 2:30am. I believe you should almost NEVER wake a sleeping baby, so this caused me many hours of angst - but try as I might, I couldn't find a way around it. I resigned myself to the fact that the first day would totally suck because we'd all be exhausted and cranky, but MAYBE a nap or 2 would happen, and restore order for the night and following day. Now, as luck would have it (please see above re. my luck :s), Hurricane Sandy would blast through the Caribbean and cancel our flight anyway! All that worry for nothing! New worry focus: saving the wedding. That's not what this blog is about, so I will spare you the details, but must say this: Cancellation Insurance is in case you decide to cancel your trip for some reason, right? Right...but it also protects you if the airline decides to cancel the flight, doesn't delay or reschedule it, and you and your wedding guests stand to lose upwards of $30 grand. We had not purchased cancellation insurance :s Long story short, I played travel agent and managed to get us back on track - LUCKILY! But wouldn't you know it? Our new flights were even WORSE than the original! The flight there got us in late, but the flight HOME was the kicker - we didn't leave until 10:45pm (11:45 after the hour's delay - oh, Luck, you slut!) - considerably PAST bedtime! Panic, panic panic for a sleep nazi like me!

But...it was all okay :) I was worried about ear issues and air sickness, but both kids traveled beautifully! They were well behaved (the big one was adorable, actually) and then slept. We didn't purchase a seat for the baby. I know this goes against a lot of safety rules, but the simple fact is that Sunwing does not discount seats for children, and we just couldn't afford it. So, we wore him in a Baby Bjorn, facing in, to facilitate sleep. This worked nicely because the flight attendants told us we would have to hold him in a "burping position" during take off and landing anyway. (Note: on the return flight, one of the attendants tried to tell us we had to take him out of the Bjorn and put this lap belt extension thing on instead. Another one told us he would look the other way, so we didn't - why wake a sleeping baby?? Plus, I feel he'd actually be safer strapped to one of us in the Bjorn, than with just a nylon strap across his legs!) The baby would have slept the whole ride, I suspect, had it not been for an errant and very drunken best man's interference :s And when we finally got home on the return (at 5am!!!), the kids went back to bed, and actually slept in! Till 8:30 and 9:30am. But that was amazing for them, and particularly fortuitous, because it was the night after the dreaded Daylight Saving Time! The crazy sleep disruption may have actually HELPED them make the transition! Oh - I forgot to add that consideration to my decision making process for our destination: had to be within our same time zone, or within an hour of it, for sleep nazi reasons :P

I've gotten ahead of myself. Let's pretend we just arrived in Nassau. Things at the airport were pretty efficient and problem-free. We boarded a ramshackle van (no carseats in Bahamas and often only lap belts, if any seat belts at all, by the way) that took us to the resort in about 30 minutes. On the way home, we had a much nicer bus to take us to the airport, and my 3 year old thought it was the coolest thing ever. He absolutely LOVED looking out the window and asking "why" questions about everything he saw, and was enthralled by the fact that we got the "bump seat", over the wheel on the bus.

The hotel was beautiful, but packed with many travelers just checking in. It was 11:30 at night, and my sleep nazi-ism was on high alert, pushed almost to the breaking point already - so I was delighted when one of the hotel employees decided to check in people traveling with children in a separate, much shorter line :D Prior to arrival, I had called the hotel to check on various things at least 6 times, and one of the most irritating things to me was that they would not confirm a crib and a cot for our kids before check in! They kept assuring me it would not be a problem...but then why the eff wouldn't they just assign me one ahead of time?? Because you know what WOULD be a problem? Not bringing a playpen, and discovering that the hotel did not have one available to us! But (deep breath), all was well - they did have them available. It was another delay, having to wait for them to be delivered to our room, when they could easily have been waiting there already...but anyhow...it worked out. Not that it's a big deal, but the Bahamian hotel workers seemed very uncertain what the difference between a crib and a playpen was. I got a different response every time I called about what type of bed was actually going to be provided for the baby, even when I used detailed descriptions. It only mattered because I wanted to bring our own sheet, and the mattresses would be different sizes. I brought both. It was a playpen.

When we booked this trip, our travel agent totally screwed us and had us pay for an unnecessary room upgrade. The hotel had 12 Family Suites, which had 2 bedrooms and a living area in them, and would have been perfect for diving where the kids and adults slept, allowing for some private time, and not requiring everyone in the room to sit silently in the darkness past 8pm. Sadly, those suites would have cost us an extra $7000 over the exorbitant price we were already paying! :o So, that was not to be. I thought that if we just had one bedroom and a separate living area, that could work, because at least whoever was stuck in the room after the kids went to bed could be in the living area, watching TV or reading or whatever. I explained my needs to the travel agent, specifying that the living area needed to be separated from the bedroom by a door. I also explained that I did not care about the size or view of the room - it was the room division that I was willing to pay for. She charged us an extra $700 to have a Superior Oceanfront Suite, as opposed to the Oceanview Junior Suites that were standard. Fine. But during one of my many calls directly to the hotel (because the travel agent was proving to be incompetent and ill-informed), I learned that no such rooms existed in the hotel. The room our agent had booked for us simply had a better view, and was bigger - exactly what I had painstakingly explained I would not be willing to pay more for. I contacted the agent and told her to put us back in the standard room then, and refund our money. She told me that there would be a $400 fee for changing it!!! This post isn't going to be about the in competencies of said travel agent...because I could go on and on (and I will, in a well-worded complaint letter) - it was crazy how much she sucked.

Anyhow, 2 fantastic things happened when we checked in: 1. Our room was the only room of all of our guests that had a walk-in closet. Other rooms had a slightly better view (though ours was also fantastic) or a separate glass shower in their bathrooms. But for me, this closet was an early Christmas gift. Why, you ask? If you've been reading my blog faithfully enough, you should know this already...because walk-in closets make excellent baby rooms! :D :D :D So, technically, we DID get our 2 bedroom suite :P We set up the playpen in there, equipped with his white noise machine, video monitor, and nightlight (although the front desk attendants were not interested in accommodating us, the lovely gentleman who delivered the playpen and cot went hunting and stole us an extension cord from housekeeping - LOVE that man!!!), and had the main bedroom to ourselves. Where was the big boy? 2. My mom and aunt got a room directly across the hall from us, and offered to let Avery sleep in their room. It was set up nicely with this big dresser kind of separating the sitting area from the bed, so his cot got set up behind that, and they effectively had 2 rooms, too! Sort of. Close enough. The fact that their room was across from ours only mattered because - drum roll, please - the video monitor worked across to their room. So: on nights when my fabulous mother and aunt were willing to stay in with the kids, the baby could still be sleeping in his closet-room across the hall, safely locked up, and diligently monitored by them with Avery on the monitor! Brilliant! They could see and hear the baby, while he could not see or hear them! No one could steal the baby, because they'd see or hear that, too, and open the door to apprehend the baby snatcher! :D (Note: no one did try to steal our baby.) Listen, a lot of people I've spoken to thought it was weird that one of my children slept in another room from us. Weird? Maybe. But if you had the opportunity, why wouldn't you?? Avery slept better, Ashton slept better, Justin and I slept better. The only people who didn't were probably my mom and aunt, and that's only because Avery wakes up considerably earlier than they might on their own, and woke a few times in the night, needing me to go across the hall for a quick snuggle before going back to sleep. Everyone (almost) wins!

A note about kids in your room: friends of ours were traveling with their 3 children, and the resort only allowed 4 people in a standard room. If you run into this issue, but are traveling with a group, be aware that you can do a little shuffling on paper, and make it work. They registered their baby as staying (and flying) with our young, childless (fun-having, sleep-getting...) photographers, but really stayed in my friends' room with the rest of her family. Paper arrangements like this can also sometimes save you some money. For example, our upgraded room cost more per person to stay in (obviously). So if we had registered Avery in our room (whether he slept in it or not), he would be subject to the higher rate, as well - whereas putting him with my mom and aunt in a standard room made his rate lower. Children's rates are lower anyway (they tend to consume less booze at all-inclusives, I'm told), but are still expensive! So, any savings you can find is well worth it!

Anyhow, next note: just because a resort allows children, does not mean it is child-friendly :s Now, contrary to reviews I had read, the staff and other guests were fantastic with the children. They were always smiling and polite, even when our oldest went running around the buffet and restaurants, nearly knocking people down, and the baby made a huge mess. One of the ladies let us know that some of the women there were available for babysitting. But there were no formal kids' activities, no kids' pool, no anything, really. Sure, our 3 year old loved the beach and the pool...but we got there just after Hurricane Sandy had blown through, so the waves were pretty big, and the undertow strong, and there was no way Avery could have swum in the ocean, and the pool was pretty cold! And really, you can only play in the pool or in the sand for so long - and we were there for 8 days :s Luckily, we were located right next door to Atlantis. Now, THAT really seems like the happiest place on earth. It was $110 per person for a day pass, so that wasn't happening - but the aquarium was free after 5pm, so we made several trips across the way to check that out. It was truly awesome, and both kids friggin' loved it (as did the adults). I was a bit worried Avery would have nightmares, because he did after we took him to Big Al's Aquarium store a few months before :s...but all was well :) Still, a few days in, Avery was BORED, and started behaving badly as a result. Next time we travel (with the kids! Because the next time we travel will sure as hell NOT be with the kids!), we will make sure there are kids' activities and facilities wherever we go.

The baby hated the beach. He squinted in the bright sun, there was no shade on the beach and vendors wanted $25 a day to rent you a crappy umbrella that I doubt had any USP factor anyway. We had brought along a play mat and covered it with a towel to create a little tent (because we're idiots, and forgot to actually bring the UV Sun Tent we had bought specifically for this purpose), but he'd roll over and get sand in his mouth, sand on his toys...he just hated it. Not to mention, because of his age, he was only able to stay awake for an hour and a half between naps, so by the time we got him up, changed, fed, and down to the beach, it was pretty much tie to go right back up to the room. When I planned this wedding, I envisioned the baby to be sitting independently by this time, sleeping through the night, and so on. He was essentially sleeping through the night - but paused that for the duration of the trip, of course. The sitting was nowhere near happening, though, which meant bringing a lot more items to facilitate that with us. We brought his playmat for him to roll around on, his Bumbo chair to bed fed in, and a Jolly Jumper for him to hang out in in the room. The Jolly Jumper didn't work out, though, because the door frames in the suites did not conform to North American standards, so it just didn't fit. The other 2 items, I'd say, were necessary.

Packing List: in addition to the regular travel stuff you'd bring on any trip (sunscreen, clothes, whatever), we brought...

• 2 white noise machines for the kids. We use them at home, so they made the surroundings a bit more familiar and comforting for them, plus they just help drown out weird noises and stuff.
• night lights
• video monitor
• walkie talkies. International cell phone packages were just ridiculous - almost as ridiculous as roaming charges would have been - so we decided to avoid them by using radios. They actually worked pretty well! My aunt was very willing to help with the kids, and stayed with the baby while he napped in the room on several occasions, but she has limited mobility. So, these allowed her to notify us as soon as he started to stir from his nap, so we could get up there and get him, so she didn't have to try. Fantastic. We borrowed ours, so they cost us nothing at all, but you can pick up a decent set for about $50, which is a lot less than you'd pay for using your phones. Highly recommend.
• as mentioned earlier: playmat, Bumbo, Jolly Jumper
• lots of baby chew toys (or whatever you call the human equivalent to chew toys - you know what I mean)
• hand sanitizer
• Lysol wipes
• prescription antibiotics for the baby's UTI, which we were not treating because he wasn't having any symptoms, but which we wanted to be prepared TO treat, should he start experiencing anything while we were away
• infant and children's pain relief
• gripe water in little squirt bottle, similar to an eye drop bottle - to squirt in the kids' mouths to get them to swallow in the event they suffered ear pain from pressure changes on the flight. Personally, I think this was one of my more brilliant ideas, though we didn't end up needing it.
• baby food sized BPA free containers for use as bowls for baby feeding
• nylon bib that could be rinsed and would dry quickly between feedings
• liquid dish soap. I can't take credit for this idea. I consulted tipsforbabytravel.com, which is by Nicole and Cameron Wears of travelingcanucks.com and stole the idea from them. It was the best advice ever. We were able to wash the baby's dishes and bottles and everything right in our room. I'm not sure what we would have done if we didn't have it. Note: I also asked Nicole and Cameron for some room-sharing ideas, and they responded to my comment on their blog quickly and helpfully! Great people!
• lightweight stroller. We don't often use our stroller at home, but I borrowed a lighter-weight one from a friend (thanks, Christine!), and it proved to be very useful on long walks to and from Atlantis, as well as at the airport, when the kids were tired because we were traveling so late. We didn't use it for the baby, though - it became the 3 year old's chariot :) If you're traveling with children, airlines will allow you one item to be checked at the gate, and the stroller was ours. We took it right up to the door of the plane, and it was waiting there for us when we got off.
• Baby Bjorn (Ergo, Cybex, whatever). Since Avery was in the stroller, Ashton was in the baby carrier - and as mentioned earlier, it was great for keeping him safe(ish :s) (and sleeping!) on the plane and shuttles that didn't have car seats.
• Blackberry Playbook. Or whatever your brand of electronic game playing and video watching device. This entertained Avery on the plane before he fell asleep (Justin and I even got to watch a Mad Men episode we had previously downloaded on the plane), and also in the room, when he refused to nap, but everyone else needed to!

I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of important details. But my point was to share some tips from my experience of traveling with children. I mean, the best tip is: DON'T :P But of you're going to...maybe something I've written will help :) What do you think?

The Naked Truth About the Post-Baby (2) Body

This post is going to start off easy, but become progressively more "intimate" (offensive? distasteful? horrifying?) as we go...just a heads up!  I'll give you another warning as we get closer, though ;)

After my first baby, I was pleasantly surprised with how quickly and easily I returned to my pre-baby weight.  I had him at the start of July, and was appearing in bikinis publicly before Labour Day.  That said, I look back at photos of myself then, in which I felt I looked amazing...and wonder why I ever thought so!  I looked good "for having just had a baby" - but not GOOD good! :s  But the important thing, I suppose, is that I felt good - or like I looked good (is there a difference?).  I was my skinniest ever about 9 months after giving birth.  I attribute my dramatic weight loss to doing about 20 hours of cardio a day (Baby 1 demanded I hold him and remain in constant motion - bouncing, lunging, walking, dancing - at ALL times) and never having time to eat (Baby 1 demanded I hold him and remain in constant motion - bouncing, lunging, walking, dancing - at ALL times - did I mention?).  I don't necessarily recommend this weight loss method :s  But hey - have yourself a "high needs" baby, and you do what you have to do; dramatic weight loss may just be a small silver lining in it all!

I worried that I might not be so lucky the second time around.  And I was right :(  I'm only 5 months post partum so far, and am looking pretty good, so there's still hope...but I've had to work a lot harder at this weight loss business.  After Baby 1, I was back in my pre-baby jeans 1 week after birth.  Granted, I had a bit of a beer gut and a muffin top - but I was in, and they were done up!  When I lost more weight, those same jeans became my "fat jeans", and it was a good 4 months before I was able to do those suckers up without displacing organs this time.  (Totally unrelated, but you know what the real kicker was?  I tried them on once a week for 4 months...and on the glorious day they finally fit again, I knelt on the couch with my son and tore a hole right through the knee!  They were fancy, not-distressed jeans (I have a penchant for ridiculously overpriced designer denim, similar to heroin addiction and other life- and bank account-draining addictions, some of you may not know about) that can NOT rock a hole in the knee :(  But I digress...)  I was seriously worried my pelvis had permanently expanded, because it was my actual skeleton that was preventing me from getting my jeans on, not just fat.  So that's the good news: pelvises CAN shrink after childbirth - mine just took longer after Baby 2 than after Baby 1 :)

I started back to pilates about a month after birth, which has definitely helped.  And since I'm getting married soon, and needed to look better than just okay, I have recently ramped up my pilates experience to include "Spinlates" - a combination spin class and pilates session, recently introduced at Evolve Pilates and Massage Studio.  Honestly?  I effing hate it, and whine and complain a lot during my sessions...but my instructor is able to keep her eyes on the prize (looking good in my wedding dress, obvi), even when I am not, and kicks my ass to keep going :D  I highly recommend it!

Sadly (? ;)), I am coming to realize that my exercize and diet the first time around might have been less a factor in getting super skinny than was the stress of going through a horrible divorce :s  I am in a happy, healthy relationship this time around, coparenting with the best Daddi (aside: whenever I try the "i" ending, I want to barf at myself) in the world...and it's making shedding those pounds a lot harder, damnit!  Haha :)  But anyways...I am slowly getting closer to my goal weight and size - a goal I keep adding numbers to because, you know what?  Being a Mommi of 2, more of a grownup, and half of a happy union is making me think going up a size or 2 might not be so bad, afterall... ;)

A little mummy tummy is one thing, but what about THE GIRLS, you ask?  Baby 1 was hard on my boobs.  As divulged in a previous post, mine are store-bought.  This means that they are still pretty fantastic, compared to regular boobs - but sadly lacking, compared to brand new fakies.  Breastfeeding hurt me a lot the first time.  I have no reason to believe that had anything to do with having implants; it just hurt!  This time, breastfeeding still hurt...to begin with.  But it became painless and easy much quicker, and I haven't noticed any further deterioration from The Girls' original glory.  I've been lucky enough to suffer no problems with supply, engorgement, mastitis, or any other unpleasantness.  I've even gained control of them sooner this time!  By that, I mean that I don't have to wear crazy maxi-pads for my boobs anymore, and don't leak through my shirt, or drip all over myself at inopportune moments anymore - all positives!

Finally, what I know a lot of Mommis (maybe Daddis) want to know about, but won't admit to: what about the Lady Parts?  (For those of you who don't want to read about my vagina, or even know I have one, this is your aforementioned warning: STOP READING NOW.)  But the news is good, and I like to think that my description is tasteful (no pun intended)! :D :D :D  We've all heard the jokes about "throwing in some extra sticthes" and things :s...  And I didn't get any extra stitches.  But I did get fewer stitches than after Baby 1.  And I can't explain why - it follows no logic!  But somehow...my Down There looks BETTER than before I'd had any children!  Seriously: things are...cleaned up...tucked in...I don't know; just better!  I've never had an issue with my vagina, but I've never considered it particularly "pretty", either.  And now, for whatever reason, mine looks a lot closer to the ones you see in magazines than it ever did before (if you were to look at such magazines...which, of course, you wouldn't...right?)!

Long story short: this is meant to be an uplifting piece of literature - something to evoke hope in the hearts of Mommis facing second pregnancies!  My body is not the same as it was before babies.  But some parts will be!  Others won't, but won't be worse than they were after 1 :)  And others yet will be BETTER :D  I hope all my readers get "better", too!  xoxo

Newborns are A**holes and the Victory Pose

People get upset when I say that - that newborns are assholes.  But, really...they are!  Their mission in life seems to be to thwart their parents attempts to get any sleep - no matter what, at any cost.  They go to extreme lengths, and just when you think you might have figured out an effective sleep-making strategy, they change the game!  Sure, they look all sweet, innocent, helpless...but they are cold, calculated bastards, born with an innate ability to fuck with you.  You will never win; they far outsmart you.

Baby 2 tricked me into believing he was an "Easy Baby" - a "Good Sleeping Baby"...  The first few days of life, he did the typical, brand-new baby thing: sleeping all the time, having to be woken for feeds, etcetera.  That all changes about a week in, but as a second-time Mommi, I was prepared for that. 

For the next few weeks, he'd sleep for a few hours at a time, with short periods of wakefulness in between - but he seemed to have his days and nights mixed up :s  This notion strikes fear in my heart, as I have heard horror stories from other Mommis of babies keeping them up all night for months on end!  Baby 2 still slept all the time, but in the daytime, he'd sleep for 3-4 hour stretches, while at night, it was more like 1-2 hours :s  Since it was still early days, and we were still having at-home midwife visits, I asked her if she had any advice on how to help Baby 2 sort his days and nights out. She very confidently replied that she did: The Backwards Somersault. Um, what? She took the baby and had me stand up across from her. Then she did exactly what it sounds like: she made the baby do a backwards somersault into my arms. She had some sort of explanation for it, acknowledging that it was just an Old Wives Tale, but said that it usually worked! Whatever: I was sleep deprived and borderline desperate already, so was hopeful! As one might predict, however, it did not work.  What did work was what I would have done anyway (a lesson learned from Baby 1), which was simply to not do anything stimulating in the nighttime hours, remain in the dark, and skip nighttime diaper changes (note: although I am a cloth diaper advocate, I don't start with them until baby's legs are plump enough to fill up the leg holes, and I never use them overnight).  I skip the diaper changes because they just wake him up too much, and are difficult to do in the dark - lapfulls of pee and being squirted with liquid diarrhea a few too many times verified this - but also, they just aren't necessary.  Baby 2 stopped pooping overnight, and even (shockingly) woke up dry a few mornings! We monitored his bum health diligently, and might have had to change our no-bum-change rule had he shown any signs of irritation, but there haven't been any yet!  Here is our secret weapon: Druide Bum Balm- we slather it on his diaper regions only after he has been thoroughly cleaned and dried (otherwise you're just trapping bacteria against the skin - this holds with any diaper cream, btw), and only at bedtime.  Incidentally, we also use it on anything: dry cuticles, cuts, pimples (for us!), etcetera.  It smells delicious, too.  Anyhow...after a week or so, he started regulating, and sleeping for longer stretches overnight.  By longer stretches, I mean like maybe 3-4 hours :s But still.

At 9 weeks, Baby 2 pulled the ultimate fast one.  He suddenly started sleeping for 7+ hours in one stretch at night! Followed by another approximately 3 hours stretch after a feed! It was amazing!  It was heavenly. I could deal with that.  I started to feel renewed, like my old self again - not sleep deprived at all! But Baby 2 is a SHARK, yo. He lulled me into a false sense of security and happiness with those 7+ hour stretches for almost a month straight! Then he took it all away :( :( :(  He dropped back to only sleeping 1-3 hours at a time again. It felt worse than it had in the beginning.  I searched for a reason - because if there was a cause, I could fix it.  But my search was fruitless.  It's been 5 weeks since that lovely 7+ hour stuff stopped, and while it's gotten a bit better, and he still throws me a bone (or a curve ball, I suppose) with a good sleep here and there, he remains a mystery - a sleepless mystery.

His new trick is to go to bed like an angel, only to wake every 5 minutes for 1-6 hours, screaming his little head off, and not seeming to want anything at all!  Sometimes, he plays favourites and refuses to calm down for his Daddi - only Mommi will do:s  Eventually, he gives in and falls asleep - but only after he's sure he's got us thoroughly frustrated and near breakdowns - then he sleeps in his Victory Pose, letting us know that we haven't really won; he's gone down, but on his own terms.

Note: The above photo is not Baby 2, but a random baby in Victory Pose.  Why not my own baby, you ask? Because if my baby is sleeping, you can be DAMN sure I'm not going to risk effing that up by snapping a photo!!! :P  Never wake a sleeping baby.  For real.

Another Asshole Tactic of the feral newborn is to take really long naps whenever you are exhausted, but don't try to nap yourself, because you're sure he won't stay asleep, and to wake up immediately after you lay down if you do think you have a chance to get caught up on some sleep while he naps. Constant fuckery!

At the end if the day, I love that little asshole!  His smiles and overall adorability more than make up for his assholiness at night.  I have always maintained that God (if you will) made babies and puppies so cute, because otherwise, we'd kill them.  (Please don't call Children's Aid - I'm JOKING.)

"Sleep When the Baby Sleeps" and other Useless Platitudes

A lot of things suck about mommihood. But not many surpass the suckiness of the newborn period. I will go into more detail in other posts, but I'm way too tired to write much of anything these days, so this must suffice for now. A quick disclaimer before I start my rant: Baby 2 is actually quite a bit easier than Baby 1 was at this age. He's adorable and perfect (Baby 1 was both of those things, too), and a much better sleeper (at least at night). I love him to bits. But newborns still suck the life out of their mommis, and the last thing we want to hear is...

"Sleep when the baby sleeps", "This, too, shall pass", "You'll look back on this and laugh", "They're little for so short a time"...and so on. I call bullsh*t.

What if your baby doesn't sleep?? "This" will only pass if you don't kill it. If I'm laughing, it's because I'm delirious. And if you count the number of days or hours in the number of months I'm talking about, it sure as hell is NOT a short time!!!

If these all-too-familiar phrases don't piss you off, shut up - you're probably the mommi of a good sleeper, or are too far past newbornhood to remember. All of the above are useless platitudes that only serve to enrage the sleep-deprived or otherwise near-insane mommis of the world. They are not helpful.

Here is what's helpful: HELP. This can come in many forms.

1. Babysitting. Take the kid off the mommi's hands for a few hours - even minutes! Hold the baby. You know you want to anyway.

2. Cleaning. Come over and clean something. But don't leave "what" up to the new mommi - the seriously sleep-deprived and clinically insane are notorious for being unable to make decisions. Just pick something, anything, and clean it.

3. Food provision. Cook something and bring it over. If you cannot cook, takeout will do. If that's too expensive, frozen stuff from M and Ms is great. Or ask YOUR mother to cook something and bring THAT. I'm talking about meals for the whole family, but you know what? A single tub of icecream won't be unwelcome either!

4. Commiseration. Misery loves company. Agree with me about how much something sucks. Do not belittle my suckage with a useless platitude or saying something like "I had to do it with [insert greater number of children here]" - that sucks, too, so feel free to bitch about it, but don't brag. Do feel free to one-up me, however: knowing your life sucks worse than mine is helpful - as long as it's true.

5. Throwing money at the problem. Always a good idea. Buy me some help. Like a nanny, a cleaning lady, fulltime daycare for older siblings, booze, etcetera. Oh fine, eff you, no booze, then. Okay, I'm mostly kidding about this whole point. (No, I'm not!)

I know the people who say these things are well-meaning and kind...but sometimes your sunshine and lollipops are just too much! I love you, and am glad to have you in my life, but seriously...right now...save it! :)

I typed this on my Blackberry, in the dark, while breastfeeding, after a very trying day that doesn't seem to want to end. Please be impressed with me. I've had a billion ideas for new blog posts, but a total of 3 seconds to write them in - and I prefer to use those 3 spare seconds for my favourite activity of all-time: sleeping. But I miss my blog, so felt the more-frequent, but shorter and more-pissed-offier post might be better than nothing for months on end. I'll write lots...in a few months...when my child is old enough for sleep training :P

ZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzz (I hope!)

Baby Makes 3! (total hours of sleep per night, that is :s)

Well, Accidental Supermommi is now mommi of two! I'm typing this on my Blackberry, so there may be more typos than usual (okay, this took me a long time to get done, so I switched to Justin's laptop, which is missing a B key - so expect a lot of typos in words which usually require a B, especially). I'm also operating with baby brain, and on about 3 hours of interrupted sleep per night (that is not a typo: I mean interrupted, not uninterrupted, sadly :(). Not a good combo. But I wanted to get the gory birth details out there before the post-baby amnesia rips the memories away from me, so here goes...

WARNING: This post is long and detailed, and probably only interesting to new or soon-to-be mommis - sorry!  Can't be funny and awesome ALL the time :P

Last Wednesday (okay, this has taken me 3 weeks to write, so it's not longer last Wednesday, but whatever), I went for a midwife appointment at 10am. I knew I was scheduled for a stretch and sweep, but didn't think much of it, because I'd had two with my first child, and they didn't budge him. I was expecting a painful, yet uneventful fisting, followed by another 2+ weeks of waiting. But this time was different. My cervix hadn't dilated any further than it had been at 37 weeks (3cms), but with the "stretch" portion of my manual delight, my midwife could get it to 5cms. There was also a lot of bloody show (is that not THE nastiest term ever??), and I was shocked when she told me she expected me to go into labour that day or the next, at the latest.

WHAT?? Wasn't expecting that. So, I started semi-hysterical giggling to ward off the nervous tears I felt coming. She suggested I go home and drink Castor Oil, and be in labour in 2 hours. The idea behind Castor Oil is that it irritates your intestines, causing cramping, which in turn stimulates your uterus to start cramping, too. But you know what happens when Castor Oil DOESN'T work? You get explosive diarrhoea and no baby. No thanks! I also vetoed her next suggestion of going home and pulling really hard on my nipples :s They had been crazy-sore already, to the point where an accidental brush from my shirt made me gasp, so that one was out, too. She said I could go pick up the breast pump I was renting and use that to stimulate whatever hormone was the goal of this exercise, and I would have done that, except a friend had the accessories I needed to actually utilize said breast pump, so that wouldn't be happening either. Her last suggestion to get labour going was simply to go for a long walk, and try to be upright as much as possible to let gravity do its thing.  That, I could do.  Off I went, with her promise to check in on my progress shortly.

Poor Justin...  He had been working nights that week, so came off his shift at 6:30am, and then went off to do a side job before coming home to bed.  He got my BBM just as he was falling asleep:

I want you to keep sleeping, but...I think I'm maybe in labour! Midwife says we'll have a baby today or tomorrow. Will take a while, though, so get some sleep :)

Perhaps not so shockingly, he was unable to sleep after that, and started furiously packing the last few items in our hospital bag and rushing around like a maniac.  He was not to get any sleep for about 36 hours.  Oh, and did I mention it was his birthday? :D  Not anymore, though - his will evermore be eclipsed by that of our baby :P  He called me right after he got my message, and I started crying then.  Contractions were starting as I drove home, although far apart and mild.

My midwife had advised me to keep drinking water, so I wouldn't need IV fluids later, so I did - but not very successfully, because the contractions made me have to pee about every 2 minutes.  I got Justin calmed down enough to go for a walk with me, but the need to pee didn't let me keep that up very long, so I spent most of my time swaying back and forth, holding my kitchen island instead of walking.  It was weird: I wasn't entirely convinced I was in labour because the contractions were so bearable, so I was reluctant to tell anyone it was happening, in case I turned out to be the girl who cried wolf.

My midwife called to check on me and I told her the same.  She seemed to really want me to have this baby (she was off on the weekend), so told me she would come to my house an perform stretch and sweeps every hour until things were really going!  She told me to prepare a few things for a home birth, which totally freaked me out, but I did it anyway.  When she got here, she checked my cervix again, but it was still at 5cms.  She has some weird homeopathic thingies for me to put under my tongue every 15 minutes, and they were delicious and actually worked!  Contractions increased to a trackable frequency and undeniable intensity.  After a few more hours, my cervix was still at 5cms, but I was getting really paranoid about not making it to the hospital, so we decided we would go and she would break my water there.

The car ride wasn't that bad.  I had been really nervous about that, because when I had my first child, I went to the hospital before I was in labour, so never experienced it.  I was sure contractions in the car would be unbearable, but they weren't - in fact, they seemed to almost go away :s  I was uncomfortable, but we got checked in and everything without me making a scene.

We chose McMaster Children's Hospital for the delivery, and the delivery room was very nice.  They has apparently lost my preregistration package, which was a it concerning, but my midwife was able to get everything in order reasonably quickly.  I think I had blood drawn, ut the amnesia is already setting in and I'm not so sure now...I think so, though, because I'm pretty sure you need it before having an epidural, and while I wasn't sure I wanted one yet, I knew that if I did, I didn't want any unnecessary delays!  The delivery room has a shower stall in it, but I opted not to go that route (in the interest of maintaining decent hair?), and just paced the room and continued my swaying, now holding the edge of the bed.

Here's Accidental Supermommi's Labour Secret #1: Eat.  My personal choice of labour food is frozen green grapes and strawberry quarters, also frozen.  Why frozen?  I don't know.  I originally got the frozen grapes idea from Posh Spice, who cited them as a diet secret, but I really liked them and being frozen makes them stay colder longer and more refreshing - things you will want, trust me.  The addition of strawberries was mainly because they are delicious, ut they are also seedy and fibrous, and you want fibre for later (the first post-baby poo!).  Anyhow, I ate this mix during my first laour and liked it, so I had it with me for this one, too.

Speaking of post-baby poo, ASM's Labour Secret #2 is: Poo!  If you're like me, your stomach will get all nervous and help you out with this.  Yes, pooping is gross and you wish we weren't even talking about it.  But it's important because, if you go ahead of time, you're less likely to do it on the tale when you get to pushing!  Much grosser, no?  This technique worked the first time around...this time...not so much :s  Yes, I pooed on the table :$  But it wasn't that embarrassing.  My midwife knew I was concerned about it, so was very discrete.  She handled it and waited until Justin had gone to the bathroom, then whispered, "You had a little bowel movement, but I've wrapped it up in the paper, and if any more comes out, we'll just push it under the pad (she meant the disposable absorbent pads they put under you anyway)" - our little secret.  But as much as I had been worried about it beforehand, I could have cared less at the time.

Back to my story...  My contractions were about 2 minutes apart, and I was in quite a bit of pain during them now.  ASM's Labour Secret #3: Count.  They tell you to bring a focus object with you for laour, to focus on when you're in pain, and to bring soothing music or whatever.  Eff that.  My friend Tara told me she looked at the clock so she'd know when the contraction was going to be over.  My first time around, I didn't have a visible clock, so I just counted.  Even better, I learned, is to have your partner count out loud for you.  Contractions are generally 60-90 seconds in duration, so you can estimate when they're about the recede, and I found that helpful: knowing that relief was in sight.  I also had to modify the clock thing to the counting thing because my coping mechanism is to close my eyes and block everyone out.  This is particularly effective (and necessary) if your baby daddi and his mother are both in the room with you, and decide it is appropriate to enjoy a meal, while you suffer, and have been cut off of food.  Please read that with an appropriate level of sarcasm and dryness. 

Yes, that happened.  I had been eating happily, but the baby's heart rate was alarmingly high, and the midwife had had to call in an obstetrician to consult, and she was talking c-section :s  I desperately wanted to avoid a c-section, but the baby's heartrate is supposed to be between 110 and 160, and his was an alarming 213 at times! :o  Worse, time after time they checked my cervix, I was not progressing.  Why the eff did it hurt so much then???  The pain was awful.  I had wanted to maybe see about a natural birth, and might have been ale to endure it had there been any sort of encouraging progress...but there was not: still 5cms!  The midwife had attempted to break my water, but it wouldn't give!  When the obstetrician came in, she gave it a go, and managed it - ut at the sacrifice of my poor baby's scalp! :(  We didnt' know until he was out, of course, ut he had several scratches on the top of his head from the crochet-hook-like thing they use to break your water :( :(  Anyhow, because even that hadn't helped, and the baby's heart rate was a concern, they wanted me prepared for a c-section if the little guy didn't come out soon.  For that reason, I was no longer allowed to eat, and I was STARVING - hence my rage at the others eating in the room.  As part of my blocking them out, however, and dealing with the pain, I was also unable to speak or express my "concern" (for their lives. If I'd been able to move).  Moving on...

Because of the obstetrician's desire to perform a c-section, she advised me to have an epidural so the shunt or whatever would already be in place.  I needed no further encouragement - EPIDURAL NOW.  Unfortunately, epidurals take time.  They first have to wait until an anaesthesiologist is available, and she comes in and very annoyingly goes over details with you (I tried ignoring her, ut she insisted I had to reply and consent - I also tried telling her I'd already heard all of her spiel from my first birth experience and consented already, but she insisted I hear it again - bitch (but I took that back once I actually got some relief, at which point she was my favourite person in the world)).  THEN you still can't have it - you have to have IV fluids first, which takes more time.  As soon as I had the IV fluids, the baby's heart rate stabilized, so they think I may have just been dehydrated, but there was no turning back at that point: I still needed that epidural!

A lot of mommis are afraid of the epidural, because it is such a huge needle that goes into your spine.  But seriously, when you're already in that much pain, you really don't even feel it.  They give you a test dose first, and if all goes well, you get the real deal, which is a continuous-flow.  There's supposed to be a button so you can boost your own dosage when things are bad, but of course, my button was broken!  It still gave me some satisfaction to hammer away at it, though.  About 20 minutes after they stuck the needle in my back, I felt significant relief.  I remember feeling almost total relief with my first child, but I was still in pain this time around :s  But it was reduced enough that I opened my eyes and started reconnecting with the world.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was really only 4.5 hours since they broke my water, it was Push Time.  I think it only took about 10-20 minutes to get the baby out.  Even with an epidural, you still experience "The Ring of Fire", as your perineum stretches to baby head-size.  Here is a difference between this laour and my first: because my first's heart rate was so low, they needed him out ASAP, so there was no NOT pushing.  What there was was tearing and cutting - in 3 different places :s - because there wasn't time to allow my body to adjust.  With this baby, we could take our time, so the midwife had my STOP pushing when the head crowned, and again when his shoulders were at the gate.  The end result was 2 small tears: one at the front, towards my clitoris (yeah - OUCH), which did not require stitches; and the other at the back (if I were a guy, it would be on the taint), which needed 3 measly sutures.  A note about stitches: don't worry about getting them.  I mean, hope to not require any...but if you do, don't worry about the actual needle and thread (or whatever) going through your flesh - you won't feel that either, after the trauma you've been through, and the distraction of your newborn child on your belly.  The damage done to my lady parts may seem significant to some readers, but compared to the hot mess my first one left me in, this was nothing.  I healed pretty quickly, and did not become infected like I did the first time either :s

Also, because I had an epidural, I did need a urinary catheter, but this midwife did things differently than my first.  The first put one in and left it until an hour or so after delivery, and I suffered some pee issues for almost a year afterwards, due to damage to my urethra.  This one inserted the catheter twice, but removed it after I had "peed" (or rather, when she saw urine in the bag).  Like the stitches, worry about damage from a catheter, but don't worry about the actual insertion of said catheter: I really didn't feel it any of the times.  Also, like a train wreck or a pimple you can't resist, it was cool to see my pee fill the bag, without any other indication that I was going :P

Anyhow, then you have a baby!  You still have to deliver the placenta, which is disgusting, but not painful.  But by disgusting, I mean "it feels like a massive, gooey blob flopping out of your vagina" - so really, really disgusting.  Yes, you have an adorable little guy (or girl) on your belly, and you're marvelling over the adorabilty and wondering who he'll be, and so on...but you'll still feel the flop, and be momentarily grossed out.

Way more to come, but I'm tired, because ASHTON FRANCIS (weighing 8lbs 7oz at birth, born May 9, 2012 at 9:26pm) keeps me up...A LOT.  But he's beautiful and perfect and I love him like crazy :D :D :D  So, give me a bit ;)  Oh, important to note: his daddi cried - just a little bit, but enough to satisfy me - it was perfect <3

Natural Birth (and other ) B!tches

There are some benefits to choosing natural childbirth, that is for sure.  With my first baby, I wanted to try for a natural birth, but was very clear with my midwife that I reserved the right to have an epidural, should I choose one.  That's because they'd told me in prenatal classes that if you tell your midwife that you want to do it naturally, they will try delay tactics and such if you do then ask for an epidural, thinking they are helping you achieve your real goal of a natural birth.  Nope.  If I wanted that epidural, I wanted that epidural!

And I did.  I went almost all the way without one, but things were getting intense and when the midwife said it would probably "only" be a "couple more hours", I decided that was too much.  As it turned out, we were less than an hour away from my son being born.  Had I known that, I could have lasted without an epidural - but that's the thing: you just don't know.

I do sort of wish I hadn't had the epidural, but not for the purpose of martyrdom or knighthood.  My baby's heart rate started dropping as soon as I'd had it, which was obviously concerning.  With the pain relief, I felt as though I could have just gone to sleep for a bit, and waited to be woken when it was time to push.  But given the baby's distress, that was not to be: the next half hour or so was spent rolling me around into various positions to try to alleviate the stress he was feeling and increase his heart rate.  They called a respiratory therapist, who snatched the baby away as soon as he was out of me.  It was only for a moment; as it turned out, my little guy was perfectly fine and it was only a precautionary measure (point in favour of having a hospital birth, even though I had a midwife), but it was understandably alarming!  Perhaps the decreased heart rate was coincidental and had more to do with the compression on the baby as he moved through the birth canal, but lowered heart rate is one of the risks of having an epidural.  The other reason I somewhat regret it is, when you have an epidural, you usually have to also have a catheter to let your pee come out.  That in itself was nothing, but the catheter damaged my urethra, and I had urgent pee sensations for almost a year afterwards.  I have one friend who is sure she did not have a catheter when she had her epidural, but my midwife has assured my you need one, so I dunno.

For those reasons, I may try natural childbirth again this time around.  Also, my midwife is sure this labour will be very short (she's estimating 3 and a half hours), and I may not have time to have an epidural anyway :s  A short labour sounds good; not having at least the choice of an epidural does not.  But then again, there's no way of ever knowing how long these things will take.  Second labours are usually considerably shorter (my midwife says half the time) than first, some are significantly longer, some have complications, etcetera...  If I could be guaranteed a 3 hour labour, I'd commit to no drugs.  But as of right now, I'm not signing anything :P

I guess mommis have to make their own decisions, and also have an idea of WHY they are making them.  Personally, I dabble in things natural - but like a mixture of modern comforts, as well ;)  I have had horses, and been involved with breeding and birthing them, and I sort of figure: they do it naturally all the time, so why shouldn't I?  But I had no reason for being opposed to using drugs for pain relief, either.

This is what bothers me: mommis who think they deserve some sort of badge of honour or are superior to others for delivering their babies without epidurals.  It's not a measure of strength or valour, ladies - it's just a personal choice.  You are not a better person or mom for delivering your child naturally, nor are you smarter or better for choosing the relief modern medicine can offer.  It is what it is.  So get off your high horses and stop looking down on those of us who want an epidural!  To be fair, I should admonish the epidural-users who call natural childbirthers crazy - I have heard from a few of those, too.  I thought I was done this particular rant, but I have one other thing to add: worse than the mommis who chose natural childbirth acting like bitches are the mommis who didn't have epidurals simply because they didn't have time to acting all superior!  If the latter is you, you are not only a Natural Birth Bitch, you are also a Short Labour Bitch (see next paragraph).

Similarly, mommis will brag about the short duration of their labours.  I fully understand them being pleased if their labours were quick!  God, who wants to suffer for any longer than necessary?!  But if you are lucky enough to have a quick and easy delivery, free of complications or baby concerns, let's call a duck a duck: you got lucky!  Everyone will be jealous, but don't act like you earned it or anything.  Just count your blessings and move along :P

Another pet peeve of mine is when mommis are proud of the fact that they didn't tear or have episiotomies or anything.  Again, I'm envious of your recovery - I tore up the front and had a bilateral episiotomy (that means they cut me in two places) at the back, required many stitches, and suffered quite a bit while that all healed afterwards :s  But if you had a better experience, all you're really saying is you've got a big vagina - or rather, a stretchy one - and more accurately, a stretchy perineum!  Um, congratulations??

If you believe you are demi-goddesses because of the aforementioned reasons, then you must surely look down on women who don't have vaginal deliveries at all, right??  So my final point is: most women do not opt for c-sections, but rather, have them for medical reasons beyond their control.  This does not make them lower or lesser in any way.  'Nough said.

Bottom line, mommis?  Labour sucks, but we all get babies out of it - so stop judging others for their personal choices, whatever they may be (unless, of course, they are baseless, senseless, or harmful).  Want to share your labour experiences and reasons for why you chose to have or not have medical pain relief?

Fat Armpits, "Just The Tip", and other Second Trimester Things

"This pregnancy is flying by!" I said, after the first trimester.  Well...not so much, now.  Other people keep telling me how fast it's gone, but it doesn't feel that way to me!  My Naturopath told me that if I didn't feel AMAZING in the second semester, something was wrong.  Well, then something was wrong!

Morning sickness was behind me, but I was still otherwise sick ALL THE TIME.  I swear, I was healthy for maybe 2 weeks total out of the first 7 months of  my pregnancy.  Cold after cold, a bout of some sort of gastro-intestinal virus, Pink Eye, a wicked sinus infection - I had it all!  The only two ailments I did NOT have were a yeast infection and a UTI - but due to some questionable medical advice (my midwife suspected a yeast infection at my pap smear, so had me do a disgusting 7-day treatment "just in case", only to have the test results come back negative...my Naturopath said leukocyte levels in my urine indicated a UTI, so had me drink shots of poison (okay, it tasted like poison and contained Cat's Claw - that constitutes a witch's brew, doesn't it?), only to be contradicted by an actual screening and my midwife, who pointed out that higher leukocyte levels are normal in pregnancy, and my urine actually showed zero bacteria), I experienced psychosomatic symptoms anyway!  I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!  I couldn't remember the last time I actually felt good, and desperation was setting in.

But Accidental Supermommi isn't super for nothing (self-proclaimed super, but who cares?), and did not give in.  I had heard about Intravenous Vitamin Therapy before, but the cost kept me from looking into it any further at that time.  Well, I was getting so desperate, I decided I didn't care about the cost, and wanted to try it.  My Naturopath recommended it, but didn't actually perform the treatment herself, so I looked up another one who did.  I also had this course of treatment approved by my midwife, but submitting a formula of the particular composition I would be given to her.  IV Vitamin Therapy is essentially having huge amounts of vitamins injected directly into your blood stream.  One treatment, and I was hooked.  I felt like a heroin addict, both because of the track marks on my arms (okay, I didn't get track marks - just little dots at the injection site), and because of the euphoria I'd experience shortly after the I got my fix (fine, fine - it wasn't so much euphoria as it was an energy boost, but that sounds way more boring).  The needle hurt.  And I couldn't watch it going in without feeling light headed.  But that was only for a minute at the beginning.  The doctor (ND) quickly adjusted the flow to the most efficient yet still comfortable speed, and added sodium carbo...something or other to combat the burning sensation high acidity levels created.  Then I'd just sit there and read or text or whatever for an hour, while I got fuelled up with 20 times the amount of vitamin C and various B-vitamins (and other stuff, but those two, mostly) a person is capable of absorbing through the digestive tract.  I did this once a week for 4 weeks.  After the very first treatment, I felt increased energy and decreased nasal congestion.  But the best thing I felt was hope - hope that this might actually work, that I might actually feel good again.!  I still got sick - twice, in fact - while undergoing treatment.  But I got 2 regular viruses that ran their courses like they would in a normal person, as opposed to the seriously immuno-compromised person I had become.  And I've been just fine every since!  I look back and kick myself for not trying IV Vitamin Therapy 7 months earlier, and actually enjoying more of my pregnancy!  It was like my body just got so run down, it was unable to recover, and this treatment helped me kick that bad stuff and get my immune system back to a normal functioning level again.  I highly recommend it to anyone who's been suffering chronic illness, fatigue, mood disorders, etcetera - not just pregnant women - and new mommis, too.  A trained Naturopathic Doctor can create a composition that is safe for pregnant and breastfeeding women, and I can definitely see it helping with postpartum symptoms, like fatigue or depression.

Moving on, in my first trimester, I was concerned about the size of my belly (and ass), because I started to show much earlier than I had with my first pregnancy.  But I'm not bigger - in fact, possibly a little smaller - than I was at this point in my first pregnancy now.  I guess I kind of expanded rapidly, but then plateaued, and stayed the same size for a while.  I'm still getting compliments on how I'm "all baby", and not much larger anywhere else (except for from this one lady at work - who's never had children, might I add - who told me I "really looked pregnant, all of a sudden", and when I suggested it might just be the top I was wearing that day, clarified, "no - you can really see it in your face!" - okay, seriously, lady?  No one wants to be told their FACE looks pregnant - that's not where we carry our babies!  Ugh.).  However...I'm not confident I'm safe just yet.  I believe I stayed reasonably un-fat for most of my first pregnancy, too, but photos taken at my baby shower, which was in the last month, I think, indicate a definite ballooning effect :s  I did plump up in my face, my arms, my FEET...towards the end, so that still might be just around the corner for me this time. :(

Skin-wise, I'm getting off much easier this time around.  I haven't used anything for acne since the first month to so, and my skin might not be airbrushed perfection, but it's pretty good!  I'm not sure if my "mask" is darkening or not.  It never completely went away, so it's unclear as to whether what I'm seeing is just the same old pigmentation or something new.  It's in check, though ;)  And I'm crazy-diligent about sunscreen, especially now that the weather is getting nicer.  I have the tiniest linea nigra - MUCH less than the first time around, which I'm pleased about.  And no stretch marks yet :D  I've taken a mirror and looked under my belly.  I didn't notice any the first time around until afterwards, and then found a few little ones that are really quite thin and silvery - down low on the belly and on my hips - not a big deal.

Emotionally, I've been pretty stable, I think.  I don't remember being a mess the first time either.

I pee all the time, and it affects my sleep.  The baby feels much lower much sooner this time, and sometimes I will have just peed, but the baby will suddenly shift and swiftly attack my bladder, making me have to go urgently again.  He often positions himself so that eating and breathing are hard work, too :s  And I've had difficulty finding pants that are comfortable - the maternity jeans I wore right until the end of my first pregnancy, when I know I was bigger than I am this point, are painful down low, and make me worry I'm squishing the baby's head with them.  So, I pretty much live in leggings.

Everything hurts more than I remember it.  My belly is very tender to the touch, which my midwife says is common with second pregnancies, because your muscles and tissue have kind of given up and don't protect you like they did the first time around :(  The only thing I've found better this time (physically) is that, since he seems to be lower inside me, he doesn't kick me inside the ribcage as often.  Like my first, though, this one is shy, and will be putting on the biggest kick boxing demonstration, but will freeze and retreat the moment he hears me tell anyone else to look.

Oh, the purple polkadots...  Yeah, they're back :s  In fact, I have three new ones.  I mentioned them to my midwife and she told me what I already knew: they're sort of like varicose veins, and I should consider myself lucky to just have little dots, because she's had patients who have them so bad they look like FINGERS sticking out down there!!!  (Feel free to barf now :s)  But I haven't noticed any worsening of spider veins or anything like that.

Here's something else I'm apparently lucky about...a few months ago, my armpits were really irritated, and I noticed a deep crease forming in them.  I had fat armpits!  Which, I suppose if you're going to get fat anywhere, it may as well be your armpits.  Waxing rather than shaving helped reduce the irritation.  But when I mentioned that to my midwife, she said it's also common to get fat armpits, because the milk ducts reach back that far, and that some women actually LACTATE from their pits!!!  OMG, thank the Lord I'm not doing that.

We had a final ultrasound at 28 weeks, which is later than usual, but it was because, at my 20 week ultrasound, I had a low-lying placenta.  That means that it was situated closer to the cervix than is ideal.  This was why we were put on "just the tip" restriction. What is that, you ask?  Just The Tip is a game my friends and I liked to play when we were young and reckless...it's when you don't fully have sex; you just - wait, this is not that kind of blog!  Use your imaginations!  But anyhow, I'm trying to be serious here...  Because of the position of my placenta, we were advised to avoid sex for the 8 weeks before the confirming ultrasound - or at least "not engage in vigorous or deep penetration" :s  Where's the fun in that???  Imagine Justin's reaction when we got that news :P  It first, it was bad news for me, too, but several of my other mommi friends were jealous, having reached the point in their pregnancies where sex was uncomfortable and therefore undesirable anyway, and I wasn't far behind them :(  But moving on, we had the 28-week ultrasound and all was well - my placenta had moved upwards and nicely out of the way of my cervix.  Just The Tip restriction lifted!  (updated reaction: "Greeeat" :()  It was kind of cool, but freaky to see the baby that far along.  At one point, he looked right at the "camera" and opened his eyes, and we could see the iris and pupil and everything.  He was sucking his thumb and yawning, behaving very much like a real live person!  I am anti-3D Ultrasound, so that is as close as I'll get to seeing this guy before he makes his debit in the world.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant as I write this, and I'm starting to infringe on third trimester material, so I think I'll quit here and save that for another day.  There you have it: second trimester in a nutshell.  Questions, anyone?

Nursery Mania

In preparation for my first child, I was super pumped to decorate the nursery.  We had a four bedroom house, and only the master and one other were in use - and that one (the office) could be moved, so really, I had the choice of thee rooms.  I chose the biggest, brightest one at the front of the house.  It had three windows and I had visions on my infant and I, smiling and playing in all of the beautiful, natural light that filled the room.

Enter reality.  I've written at length about my son's sleeping troubles, and that light turned out to be my mortal enemy.  The windows that had previously been treated with just nice, clean, California shutters had to be covered over with super ugly, rolldown black-out shades :(  Another mommi friend had a gorgeous palladian window in her sons's room, and adorable, custom-made curtains for the lower part...but she ended up hanging a comforter over the curtain bar to block out more light, and stuffing the palladian semi-circle with pillows to obscure that.  Another just taped up garbage bags on the window in her baby's room to get the light-blocking job done in the meantime, before she could find a better solution.

Maybe you have nice, easy-sleeping babies who flourish in the pretty light. But if not, take my advice and choose the darkest, quietest room in your house to be your nursery.  A walk in closet will do.  I'm only half kidding.  When my son was about 18 months, we visited a friend in Ottawa, and Avery had to sleep in a playpen in a walk-in closet - wait, wait - before you judge: I called ahead to make sure the closet had proper ventilation, and it was the fanciest, biggest closet I had ever seen - much nicer than the fanciest room in my house!  It had gleaming, red wood floors, a matching California Closets system, and two chambers to it - one just a space for you to twirl around in front of the mirror!  It was the closet if most girls' dreams, being totally wasted on a GUY ( a straight guy!!!)!  But I digress...my point was going to be that Avery was never such a good sleeper as he was in that closet.

While convenient, avoid making the nursery right next to your own room, or any room that is likely to be occupied and noisy after baby bedtime.  You have a monitor, right?  Use it, and give yourself a bit of separation (physically, only, of course) from your infant.  Don't overlook bathrooms, either: plumbing in the wall against which your kid's crib or bed is can be very noisy, and then you'll start not flushing the toilet every time you use it - which, while environmentally friendly, gets pretty gross - just trust me on that one :s

Anyhow, in preparation for Baby #2, I was wiser than I was the first time around.  I also had help!  The first time, my now-ex-husband was too busy to help me with the nursery, and I was too excited to wait!  So, my mom and I painted the room, and my friend Karen and I assembled the crib, and so on (thank you!).  This time around, my baby daddi (FIANCE now, did I mention? :D :D :D) was there with me every step of the way, and set up the furniture and did most of the painting all by himself (including Baby #1's room, because I'm very consumed with making sure he gets just as much attention and spoiling as new baby ;), which was a very nice contrast to my first experience :)

I was going to share photos, and I guess I still will a little later (I can't access the website where the photos are stored from my current location)...but what I'm about to share puts my designs kind of to shame anyway :s  My good friend, Krista Salter, is a designer and owner of KMSalter Designs, but she is also a blogger, and did a delicious post on nursery design.  Click here to check it out, and steal some inspiration for your own nursery.  (Also check out my comments, because I feel they raise some valid points to consider when planning your own space ;))

Got any nursery-planning advice of your own?  What's on your windows??

The Real Nanny Diaries

I stayed home with my son for the first year of his life, and when I returned to work, I felt he was still too young for daycare.  My own mother had had a nanny for me when I was young, and her thought was that I could go into traditional care when I was old enough to talk, advocate for myself, or at least verbalize any complaints!  I guess I adopted her line of thinking - plus, I was such a Sleep Nazi, and couldn't fathom the idea that my child would ever be able to nap at daycare at that age - and I was afraid of germs :s  I realized he would be exposed to germs and get viruses at some point in his life; but under 2 years of age, there is little you can offer a child in terms of medical relief from illnesses, and again, the verbal thing: if he didn't get sick until he was a bit older, he could at least tell me what didn't feel good, and I'd be in a better position to help him.  I know I'm neurotic - whatever.

My point is that I needed to return to work (a year of EI, followed by 2 months of absolutely no income (because I'm a teacher, and my mat leave ended just when summer holidays began), coinciding with the time I decided I needed to leave my marriage and my home with a baby, and another year and 9 months of bitter divorce negotiations and legal fees looming up ahead would create that need in most people, don't you think?).  And I needed childcare.  And I'm not lucky enough to be from a traditional or European family in which the grandparents just assume all childcare responsibility - and for free, at that!  So, I needed a nanny.

Before leaving my marriage, we had planned to go the nanny route anyway, and had a friend and neighbour's Czech mother lined up to do the job.  She would have been wonderful.  She was kind and warm and wise - and being friends with one of her own adult daughters, I was able to see the result of her efforts, and it was good ("it" is you, Vendy!) :)  However, as with many good things, that arrangement fell apart when I had to move out of the matrimonial home.  Lovely Czech Grandma Nanny had only one flaw: she didn't drive, and bussing it to another city was an unreasonable request.

So I started researching nannies.  I started with agencies, but they had 2 flaws: 1. their nannies are crazy expensive, and 2. they mostly deal with live-in nannies from overseas, and I was not in a position to offer live-in accommodation in my temporary-ghetto home (although I would have LOVED that).

Next, I hit Kijiji (similar to Craig's List or whatever sort of free listing service might exist in your area) and started searching.  Here is what I learned.

First: most nannies don't drive for whatever reason.  So, you need to live on a bus route, and close enough to whoever you hire.

Second: most nannies are not the kindly old grandmother-types you might imagine.  I guess those don't really exist, because they are taken up by their own families.  So, nannies who advertise on websites and in the paper are usually YOUNG - which usually also means inexperienced and uneducated.  I don't even like writing this next part, but I have to: it also often means unreliable and irresponsible - not the sort you want watching your baby.  Sorry, Responsible Mature Youth: I realize this generalization does not apply to all of you, but sadly, those it does outnumber you. 

Third: a lot of nannies are not actually nannies.  They are people who either have kids of their own who prevent them from getting other jobs (which means they will want to bring their kids with them to work in your home, and I personally, do not think any mommi can honestly say they can put their own child's needs AFTER yours' - and if they could, would you want that sort of person caring for yours??), or who have no real employable skills, and figure anyone can babysit!  Um, no. 

Last: lots of nannies (and people in general) are just WEIRD.  For example, I interviewed (well, almost) one girl who sounded great on paper - she wrote about family values in her cover letter, explaining how she'd been home schooled and helped raise her own siblings, how involved she was in her church, etcetera...but when she showed up for her interview, I opened the door to a man.  Nono - she was not a he.  It was her father.  HE wanted to interview ME before deciding whether I could interview his daughter!  Okay...points for being a VERY responsible parent...but I'm looking to employ an adult - and adults don't bring their dads with them to job interviews.

I posted my own Nanny Wanted ad, and got better results than just searching through "available" ads.  Most candidates I weeded out due to typos or grammatical errors in their resumes (what??  One year old is when babies do a TONNE of language acquisition, and did I want my child exposed to double negatives, mispronunciations, slang, and worse offences: like people who say things like "I SEEN a kid the other day", "I should OF done that...", and so on???  If you do not know the answer to this question, you missed my post on my various Nazi-isms - grammar being one of them.), others because they failed to punctuate or capitalize, others because they didn't even have a resume, and more because they used "lol" in their emails, or seemed more concerned with the pay and hours than with any questions related to my child.

But I did eventually hire a nanny.  Three nannies to be accurate.  One is not worth mentioning, only because she was normal and didn't engage in any laugh-worthy antics.  But the others...well...here you go!

GROSSEST NANNY EVER
This was the first nanny I hired.  I believe she was employed for about 2 weeks.  She had step children as experience, seemed very nice, and was a singer by trade (allegedly).

But she showed up late on the very first day - and most days after that, as well.  Luckily, I had my nannies scheduled to arrive 30 minutes before I actually had to leave the house in order to be on time myself - but I needed that time to actually get ready for work and stuff (things that take way longer with an infant attached to your leg).  I was paying her hourly, so I started recording her start and end times to the minute in effort to make a point.  She did not get the point, though, and often showed up with a Tim Horton's coffee - further infuriating me, because that says to me: I'm not late because of things beyond my control; I assessed my timelines and decided getting myself a coffee was more important than being on time for work.

Additionally, she showed up dirty.  It's not like I expected a nanny to be dressed up for work with a baby...but clothing that was not torn, stained, too short because the bottoms had been inexplicably worn off, or faded past the point of recognition and featuring Disney characters would have been nice.  She wore running shoes with no socks, and then took them off in my house, and her toes were visibly dirty and unmanicured.  It was horrendous.  But I'll save the best (worst) for last...

This is not the worst, but she was also..."lacking in common sense".  Here are two examples: 1. I came home unannounced at lunch one day because I had forgotten something.  She was preparing some frozen organic vegetables as part of my son's lunch - good!  But she was microwaving them, (I know - microwaving is questionable itself, but that wasn't my biggest objection) in a SEALED plastic container!  Now, the plastic was BPA-free, of course, because I had purchased it, not her...but sealed??  I could see the lid bending and bubbling in the microwave.  I asked her if it was sealed, just because I coudlnt' quite believe my eyes, and she said yes, not comprehending my horror.  "Isn't it going to explode?" I asked.  "It hasn't before," she replied.  "But where is the steam supposed to escape to??" my panic was rising.  "I don't know," she said.  Then I heard a horrible pop as the lid broke off and vegetables splattered all over the inside of the microwave.  Come on - for real?  Who doesn't know that you have to remove the lid???  2. My nannies had a different "Nap-Time Task" to complete while my child was sleeping - this is the difference between a nanny and a babysitter: nannies are responsible for light housekeeping, as well as child care, and are thus paid more (several applicants - and employees - had difficulty with this, even though it was clearly outlined in their contracts).  One of these tasks was washing the floors.  This duty was assigned once a week, and it was a small apartment with tile and hardwood floors.  So, I was perplexed when the bottle of Pinesol I had purchased lasted only 2 weeks.  Knowing this nanny was not the brightest, I had been careful to leave VERY specific instructions on how to complete each task: pick up rugs and shake outside, sweep floors, wash floors using mop and bucket in closet, and Pinesol under sink - including under furniture...but I had failed to tell her to DILUTE THE PINESOL WITH WATER.  She was using it full-strength - half a bottle each time!  WTF???  No wonder my house always smelled SO strongly of the stuff when I came home, and why the floors always failed to be shiny!

She also got in the habit of asking to be paid early.  The arrangement was that she would be paid every Friday, but she often asked to be paid Thursday.  I would agree, but would only pay her for the time worked up until that point - i wasn't about to PRE-pay for the work she may or may not do on Friday!  She didn't understand this and took issue with it.

But here is the worst: a compilation of the worst, all rolled into one day, actually...  The day began with her being late - no surprise.  She asked if she could leave early that day because she was going to a singing competition at a local fall fair right after work.  Whatever - I allowed myself an extra 30 minutes at the end of my day in case I needed to run errands or whatnot before I went home, so I could just go straight home that day and let her leave as soon as I got there.  She had some hideous green once-bridesmaid dress I'm sure and a bag of other supplies with her, which should have been the first red flag - but of course, since she'd been late, I was in a rush to get to work so didn't give it much thought.  When I got home, I heard my son crying before I even got in the house.  I rushed in, and found him still in his crib in his room in the dark, having clearly awoken from his nap some time ago.  Gross Nanny was in the bathroom, already in her crazy dress, spraying her hair with hairspray - my hairspray.  I was aghast: was this woman honestly primping for her competition while ignoring my child - and being paid for it???  But before I even had a chance to say anything, she saw me, grabbed her stuff, and dashed for the door.  She did say, "Oh - look who's up" when she noticed Avery in my arms in the hallway.  And then she was gone.  And I was FUMING.  But it gets worse.  I comforted my boy and got that situation under control, played for a bit, and then had to use the washroom.  My hair brush was out on the counter, and I looked to find it filled with her nasty hair!  I dropped it, shuddered, and moved to the toilet.  There were streaks of (you think I'm going to say poo here, don't you?  Well, that reminds me of the time I came home and did find just that - poo - on the toilet seat, the side of the bowl, on the floor, and on the wall - clearly the result of a diaper change gone wrong - and hey, it happens - but then you clean it up!!!  But anyway, no: I'm not going to say poo...) BLOOD on the bowl!  I backed up in disgust, crashing into the shower and putting my hand on the window ledge to steady myself, NARROWLY missing the greatest horror yet: a USED TAMPON, sitting on my window ledge!!!  I had no choice but to stifle my gag reflex and dispose of it myself, then disinfect the toilet.  Then I washed my hands, but when I went to dry them, I discovered a soaking wet towel - she had obviously taken a shower at my house, used one of my towels to dry her filthy self, shedding skin cells all over I'm sure, then just hung the towel back on the rack, where it might easily be used by myself or my child!  So, so gross.  And when did she have time to do all of this??  While poor Avery cried, alone in his room?  While I paid her?  I needed some air, so decided it was time Avery and Mommi headed out for a walk.  And it was on that walk that I found, not the grossest, but the most upsetting offence of all: one of my son's "sleepies", soaked and filthy on the side of the road.  That might not seem like such a big deal, especially after the rest of the crap she pulled that day...but those sleepies are Avery's most precious belongings - the things he loves more than anything, and depends on for security and comfort.

That was the last straw.  Or maybe the tampon had been the worst straw already.  But at that moment I realized that I needed to fire her immediately, despite having no backup childcare arranged for the next day.  I would call in sick and stay home with my baby, using the time to find another nanny ASAP.  And that is what I did.  But first, I pussied out and took advantage of the fact that I knew Gross Nanny was at her stupid singing competition and unable to answer her home phone (did I mention she didn't own a cell phone?  Who doesn't own a cell phone??  I had to have a phone line installed at my apartment just for her use, to ensure she could reach me in an emergency, due to her lack of a cell phone).  I called and left a message saying that something had come up and I wouldn't need her the next day, but to check her email for further details.  Then I fired her by email.  The only problem was that this woman held a key to my home :s  I decided to bribe her with money to return the key, but she never mailed it back like I had asked.  For months, I lived in fear that she would one day show up and torch my place, but luckily it never happened, and even more luckily, I moved out of there soon after.

I hired another nanny the very next day...

ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER NANNY
This nanny vastly improved mine and Avery's lives.  For a while.

She was only 18, and I was skeptical...but she was punctual, dressed professionally, had been accepted into the Early Childhood Educator program for the next year at a local college, so clearly wanted to work with children, as opposed to just having no skills and being resigned to it, waqs fluent in French, and had work experience at a daycare centre.  She was cute and enthusiastic and fantastic.  I asked her to babysit for an hour that night, because I needed a sitter, and also to give her a chance to familiarize herself with the house (because Avery would already be in bed).  All I asked her to do was to feel free to snoop through cupboards and get a feel for where things were.  But when I got home, she had watered the plants, washed the windows, folded some clothes, and dusted the living room.  She told me that she had gone in to check on my sleeping child every 20 minutes (okay, a little overkill - and I later had to school her in my Sleep Nazi ways, which involve NEVER risking waking a sleeping child - but anyway...)  <3 <3 <3 LOVE <3 <3 <3

She took to Avery and he to her instantly, and was a perfect fit to our lives.  She was often early for work and didn't expect to get paid for it.  Oh - and did I mention she only wanted to be paid $40 a day???  I couldn't do that.  I'm sure it breaks laws and is exploitation or child labour or something.  So, I insisted on paying her more, for which she loved me - and I loved her.  I'd come home to a clean house and a happy child every day.  My son's language and vocabulary were developing and expanding, she did cute crafts with him and taught him adorable little songs.  She bought him stylish fashion for gifts.  Life was fantastic.

Until it wasn't.  After a few months, she claimed to have hurt her back and was therefore unable to complete many of the housekeeping tasks.  Alright.  Then she wanted more money, and, while I was paying her more than she had originally asked, it was still pitifully little, so that wasn't totally unreasonable...but we had a contract, so no - not right now.  But that was a mistake, because shortly after that she began seriously slacking.  She'd be a little bit late, she'd be visibly unhappy, she started sleeping on the job - literally: I came home to hear my son crying in his room, and she was passed out beside a mop and bucket on the couch.  She didn't wake up when I called her name, and so I sent the kid in there to shake her.  She awoke, but seemed dazed and I started to worry about drug usage (or perhaps chemical inhalation due to sleeping next to a bucket of Pinesol (and water this time, though!)).  A few days later, she told me she'd been offered another nannying position with more hours and better pay.  I mistakenly thought this was an opening to discuss giving her a raise, but she had already decided, and despite having signed a one-year contract, she was taking the other job and wanted to start as soon as possible.  I was furious!  One, because she was just totally disregarding the contract she had signed - and there was very little I could do about it, given that any contract is only legally enforceable if you are willing to pay the money and take the time to go to court over it.  Two, because this would mean yet another disruption in my poor little guy's life, and he really liked this nanny!  Three, because these nannies really have you over a barrel: you can't force them to work if they are unhappy, because they are in charge of your children, and you can't risk them taking out their displeasure with you on the babies!

So, that was the end of that.  I cut her loose earlier than she expected, only because I was angry with her, and was able to find another nanny who I actually knew personally quite quickly.

There was another nanny, and it was not a perfect fit, either, but not nearly as drama-filled as the other two had become.  What I learned is that having a nanny can dramatically improve your quality of life...or make it absolute hell.  And you often get what you pay for.  We made it through that year with in-home nanny care, but now that my son attends daycare, I can say that good nannies are better than daycare providers - but bad ones are far worse than the worst daycare provider - at least the worst daycare provider in a licenced and regulated daycare centre.  They're just held more accountable, so have to be better.

I stand by my decision to keep my son home until he was old enough to communicate, advocate for himself, and fend off illnesses better!  But am very happy with our current daycare situation, and have already reserved a future spot for my unborn baby :)

I should note that One Extreme To The Other Nanny did make good of her promise to stay in touch with Avery, and my rage and hurt at her abandoning us dissipated with time.  She's a good person, just young, and maybe not aware of how her decisions impact others, or that sometimes doing what doesn't seem to be best for YOU at the time, can really be the best overall...  She'll learn :)  And I think she's going to be great in her career in anything child-related.

That was a long one, and it was tiring reliving that nanny drama!  Almost doesnt' seem real...  Is anyone still reading at this point? ;)