In preparation for my first child, I was super pumped to decorate the nursery. We had a four bedroom house, and only the master and one other were in use - and that one (the office) could be moved, so really, I had the choice of thee rooms. I chose the biggest, brightest one at the front of the house. It had three windows and I had visions on my infant and I, smiling and playing in all of the beautiful, natural light that filled the room.
Enter reality. I've written at length about my son's sleeping troubles, and that light turned out to be my mortal enemy. The windows that had previously been treated with just nice, clean, California shutters had to be covered over with super ugly, rolldown black-out shades :( Another mommi friend had a gorgeous palladian window in her sons's room, and adorable, custom-made curtains for the lower part...but she ended up hanging a comforter over the curtain bar to block out more light, and stuffing the palladian semi-circle with pillows to obscure that. Another just taped up garbage bags on the window in her baby's room to get the light-blocking job done in the meantime, before she could find a better solution.
Maybe you have nice, easy-sleeping babies who flourish in the pretty light. But if not, take my advice and choose the darkest, quietest room in your house to be your nursery. A walk in closet will do. I'm only half kidding. When my son was about 18 months, we visited a friend in Ottawa, and Avery had to sleep in a playpen in a walk-in closet - wait, wait - before you judge: I called ahead to make sure the closet had proper ventilation, and it was the fanciest, biggest closet I had ever seen - much nicer than the fanciest room in my house! It had gleaming, red wood floors, a matching California Closets system, and two chambers to it - one just a space for you to twirl around in front of the mirror! It was the closet if most girls' dreams, being totally wasted on a GUY ( a straight guy!!!)! But I digress...my point was going to be that Avery was never such a good sleeper as he was in that closet.
While convenient, avoid making the nursery right next to your own room, or any room that is likely to be occupied and noisy after baby bedtime. You have a monitor, right? Use it, and give yourself a bit of separation (physically, only, of course) from your infant. Don't overlook bathrooms, either: plumbing in the wall against which your kid's crib or bed is can be very noisy, and then you'll start not flushing the toilet every time you use it - which, while environmentally friendly, gets pretty gross - just trust me on that one :s
Anyhow, in preparation for Baby #2, I was wiser than I was the first time around. I also had help! The first time, my now-ex-husband was too busy to help me with the nursery, and I was too excited to wait! So, my mom and I painted the room, and my friend Karen and I assembled the crib, and so on (thank you!). This time around, my baby daddi (FIANCE now, did I mention? :D :D :D) was there with me every step of the way, and set up the furniture and did most of the painting all by himself (including Baby #1's room, because I'm very consumed with making sure he gets just as much attention and spoiling as new baby ;), which was a very nice contrast to my first experience :)
I was going to share photos, and I guess I still will a little later (I can't access the website where the photos are stored from my current location)...but what I'm about to share puts my designs kind of to shame anyway :s My good friend, Krista Salter, is a designer and owner of KMSalter Designs, but she is also a blogger, and did a delicious post on nursery design. Click here to check it out, and steal some inspiration for your own nursery. (Also check out my comments, because I feel they raise some valid points to consider when planning your own space ;))
Got any nursery-planning advice of your own? What's on your windows??
Thursday 29 March 2012
Thursday 22 March 2012
The Real Nanny Diaries
I stayed home with my son for the first year of his life, and when I returned to work, I felt he was still too young for daycare. My own mother had had a nanny for me when I was young, and her thought was that I could go into traditional care when I was old enough to talk, advocate for myself, or at least verbalize any complaints! I guess I adopted her line of thinking - plus, I was such a Sleep Nazi, and couldn't fathom the idea that my child would ever be able to nap at daycare at that age - and I was afraid of germs :s I realized he would be exposed to germs and get viruses at some point in his life; but under 2 years of age, there is little you can offer a child in terms of medical relief from illnesses, and again, the verbal thing: if he didn't get sick until he was a bit older, he could at least tell me what didn't feel good, and I'd be in a better position to help him. I know I'm neurotic - whatever.
My point is that I needed to return to work (a year of EI, followed by 2 months of absolutely no income (because I'm a teacher, and my mat leave ended just when summer holidays began), coinciding with the time I decided I needed to leave my marriage and my home with a baby, and another year and 9 months of bitter divorce negotiations and legal fees looming up ahead would create that need in most people, don't you think?). And I needed childcare. And I'm not lucky enough to be from a traditional or European family in which the grandparents just assume all childcare responsibility - and for free, at that! So, I needed a nanny.
Before leaving my marriage, we had planned to go the nanny route anyway, and had a friend and neighbour's Czech mother lined up to do the job. She would have been wonderful. She was kind and warm and wise - and being friends with one of her own adult daughters, I was able to see the result of her efforts, and it was good ("it" is you, Vendy!) :) However, as with many good things, that arrangement fell apart when I had to move out of the matrimonial home. Lovely Czech Grandma Nanny had only one flaw: she didn't drive, and bussing it to another city was an unreasonable request.
So I started researching nannies. I started with agencies, but they had 2 flaws: 1. their nannies are crazy expensive, and 2. they mostly deal with live-in nannies from overseas, and I was not in a position to offer live-in accommodation in my temporary-ghetto home (although I would have LOVED that).
Next, I hit Kijiji (similar to Craig's List or whatever sort of free listing service might exist in your area) and started searching. Here is what I learned.
First: most nannies don't drive for whatever reason. So, you need to live on a bus route, and close enough to whoever you hire.
Second: most nannies are not the kindly old grandmother-types you might imagine. I guess those don't really exist, because they are taken up by their own families. So, nannies who advertise on websites and in the paper are usually YOUNG - which usually also means inexperienced and uneducated. I don't even like writing this next part, but I have to: it also often means unreliable and irresponsible - not the sort you want watching your baby. Sorry, Responsible Mature Youth: I realize this generalization does not apply to all of you, but sadly, those it does outnumber you.
Third: a lot of nannies are not actually nannies. They are people who either have kids of their own who prevent them from getting other jobs (which means they will want to bring their kids with them to work in your home, and I personally, do not think any mommi can honestly say they can put their own child's needs AFTER yours' - and if they could, would you want that sort of person caring for yours??), or who have no real employable skills, and figure anyone can babysit! Um, no.
Last: lots of nannies (and people in general) are just WEIRD. For example, I interviewed (well, almost) one girl who sounded great on paper - she wrote about family values in her cover letter, explaining how she'd been home schooled and helped raise her own siblings, how involved she was in her church, etcetera...but when she showed up for her interview, I opened the door to a man. Nono - she was not a he. It was her father. HE wanted to interview ME before deciding whether I could interview his daughter! Okay...points for being a VERY responsible parent...but I'm looking to employ an adult - and adults don't bring their dads with them to job interviews.
I posted my own Nanny Wanted ad, and got better results than just searching through "available" ads. Most candidates I weeded out due to typos or grammatical errors in their resumes (what?? One year old is when babies do a TONNE of language acquisition, and did I want my child exposed to double negatives, mispronunciations, slang, and worse offences: like people who say things like "I SEEN a kid the other day", "I should OF done that...", and so on??? If you do not know the answer to this question, you missed my post on my various Nazi-isms - grammar being one of them.), others because they failed to punctuate or capitalize, others because they didn't even have a resume, and more because they used "lol" in their emails, or seemed more concerned with the pay and hours than with any questions related to my child.
But I did eventually hire a nanny. Three nannies to be accurate. One is not worth mentioning, only because she was normal and didn't engage in any laugh-worthy antics. But the others...well...here you go!
GROSSEST NANNY EVER
This was the first nanny I hired. I believe she was employed for about 2 weeks. She had step children as experience, seemed very nice, and was a singer by trade (allegedly).
But she showed up late on the very first day - and most days after that, as well. Luckily, I had my nannies scheduled to arrive 30 minutes before I actually had to leave the house in order to be on time myself - but I needed that time to actually get ready for work and stuff (things that take way longer with an infant attached to your leg). I was paying her hourly, so I started recording her start and end times to the minute in effort to make a point. She did not get the point, though, and often showed up with a Tim Horton's coffee - further infuriating me, because that says to me: I'm not late because of things beyond my control; I assessed my timelines and decided getting myself a coffee was more important than being on time for work.
Additionally, she showed up dirty. It's not like I expected a nanny to be dressed up for work with a baby...but clothing that was not torn, stained, too short because the bottoms had been inexplicably worn off, or faded past the point of recognition and featuring Disney characters would have been nice. She wore running shoes with no socks, and then took them off in my house, and her toes were visibly dirty and unmanicured. It was horrendous. But I'll save the best (worst) for last...
This is not the worst, but she was also..."lacking in common sense". Here are two examples: 1. I came home unannounced at lunch one day because I had forgotten something. She was preparing some frozen organic vegetables as part of my son's lunch - good! But she was microwaving them, (I know - microwaving is questionable itself, but that wasn't my biggest objection) in a SEALED plastic container! Now, the plastic was BPA-free, of course, because I had purchased it, not her...but sealed?? I could see the lid bending and bubbling in the microwave. I asked her if it was sealed, just because I coudlnt' quite believe my eyes, and she said yes, not comprehending my horror. "Isn't it going to explode?" I asked. "It hasn't before," she replied. "But where is the steam supposed to escape to??" my panic was rising. "I don't know," she said. Then I heard a horrible pop as the lid broke off and vegetables splattered all over the inside of the microwave. Come on - for real? Who doesn't know that you have to remove the lid??? 2. My nannies had a different "Nap-Time Task" to complete while my child was sleeping - this is the difference between a nanny and a babysitter: nannies are responsible for light housekeeping, as well as child care, and are thus paid more (several applicants - and employees - had difficulty with this, even though it was clearly outlined in their contracts). One of these tasks was washing the floors. This duty was assigned once a week, and it was a small apartment with tile and hardwood floors. So, I was perplexed when the bottle of Pinesol I had purchased lasted only 2 weeks. Knowing this nanny was not the brightest, I had been careful to leave VERY specific instructions on how to complete each task: pick up rugs and shake outside, sweep floors, wash floors using mop and bucket in closet, and Pinesol under sink - including under furniture...but I had failed to tell her to DILUTE THE PINESOL WITH WATER. She was using it full-strength - half a bottle each time! WTF??? No wonder my house always smelled SO strongly of the stuff when I came home, and why the floors always failed to be shiny!
She also got in the habit of asking to be paid early. The arrangement was that she would be paid every Friday, but she often asked to be paid Thursday. I would agree, but would only pay her for the time worked up until that point - i wasn't about to PRE-pay for the work she may or may not do on Friday! She didn't understand this and took issue with it.
But here is the worst: a compilation of the worst, all rolled into one day, actually... The day began with her being late - no surprise. She asked if she could leave early that day because she was going to a singing competition at a local fall fair right after work. Whatever - I allowed myself an extra 30 minutes at the end of my day in case I needed to run errands or whatnot before I went home, so I could just go straight home that day and let her leave as soon as I got there. She had some hideous green once-bridesmaid dress I'm sure and a bag of other supplies with her, which should have been the first red flag - but of course, since she'd been late, I was in a rush to get to work so didn't give it much thought. When I got home, I heard my son crying before I even got in the house. I rushed in, and found him still in his crib in his room in the dark, having clearly awoken from his nap some time ago. Gross Nanny was in the bathroom, already in her crazy dress, spraying her hair with hairspray - my hairspray. I was aghast: was this woman honestly primping for her competition while ignoring my child - and being paid for it??? But before I even had a chance to say anything, she saw me, grabbed her stuff, and dashed for the door. She did say, "Oh - look who's up" when she noticed Avery in my arms in the hallway. And then she was gone. And I was FUMING. But it gets worse. I comforted my boy and got that situation under control, played for a bit, and then had to use the washroom. My hair brush was out on the counter, and I looked to find it filled with her nasty hair! I dropped it, shuddered, and moved to the toilet. There were streaks of (you think I'm going to say poo here, don't you? Well, that reminds me of the time I came home and did find just that - poo - on the toilet seat, the side of the bowl, on the floor, and on the wall - clearly the result of a diaper change gone wrong - and hey, it happens - but then you clean it up!!! But anyway, no: I'm not going to say poo...) BLOOD on the bowl! I backed up in disgust, crashing into the shower and putting my hand on the window ledge to steady myself, NARROWLY missing the greatest horror yet: a USED TAMPON, sitting on my window ledge!!! I had no choice but to stifle my gag reflex and dispose of it myself, then disinfect the toilet. Then I washed my hands, but when I went to dry them, I discovered a soaking wet towel - she had obviously taken a shower at my house, used one of my towels to dry her filthy self, shedding skin cells all over I'm sure, then just hung the towel back on the rack, where it might easily be used by myself or my child! So, so gross. And when did she have time to do all of this?? While poor Avery cried, alone in his room? While I paid her? I needed some air, so decided it was time Avery and Mommi headed out for a walk. And it was on that walk that I found, not the grossest, but the most upsetting offence of all: one of my son's "sleepies", soaked and filthy on the side of the road. That might not seem like such a big deal, especially after the rest of the crap she pulled that day...but those sleepies are Avery's most precious belongings - the things he loves more than anything, and depends on for security and comfort.
That was the last straw. Or maybe the tampon had been the worst straw already. But at that moment I realized that I needed to fire her immediately, despite having no backup childcare arranged for the next day. I would call in sick and stay home with my baby, using the time to find another nanny ASAP. And that is what I did. But first, I pussied out and took advantage of the fact that I knew Gross Nanny was at her stupid singing competition and unable to answer her home phone (did I mention she didn't own a cell phone? Who doesn't own a cell phone?? I had to have a phone line installed at my apartment just for her use, to ensure she could reach me in an emergency, due to her lack of a cell phone). I called and left a message saying that something had come up and I wouldn't need her the next day, but to check her email for further details. Then I fired her by email. The only problem was that this woman held a key to my home :s I decided to bribe her with money to return the key, but she never mailed it back like I had asked. For months, I lived in fear that she would one day show up and torch my place, but luckily it never happened, and even more luckily, I moved out of there soon after.
I hired another nanny the very next day...
ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER NANNY
This nanny vastly improved mine and Avery's lives. For a while.
She was only 18, and I was skeptical...but she was punctual, dressed professionally, had been accepted into the Early Childhood Educator program for the next year at a local college, so clearly wanted to work with children, as opposed to just having no skills and being resigned to it, waqs fluent in French, and had work experience at a daycare centre. She was cute and enthusiastic and fantastic. I asked her to babysit for an hour that night, because I needed a sitter, and also to give her a chance to familiarize herself with the house (because Avery would already be in bed). All I asked her to do was to feel free to snoop through cupboards and get a feel for where things were. But when I got home, she had watered the plants, washed the windows, folded some clothes, and dusted the living room. She told me that she had gone in to check on my sleeping child every 20 minutes (okay, a little overkill - and I later had to school her in my Sleep Nazi ways, which involve NEVER risking waking a sleeping child - but anyway...) <3 <3 <3 LOVE <3 <3 <3
She took to Avery and he to her instantly, and was a perfect fit to our lives. She was often early for work and didn't expect to get paid for it. Oh - and did I mention she only wanted to be paid $40 a day??? I couldn't do that. I'm sure it breaks laws and is exploitation or child labour or something. So, I insisted on paying her more, for which she loved me - and I loved her. I'd come home to a clean house and a happy child every day. My son's language and vocabulary were developing and expanding, she did cute crafts with him and taught him adorable little songs. She bought him stylish fashion for gifts. Life was fantastic.
Until it wasn't. After a few months, she claimed to have hurt her back and was therefore unable to complete many of the housekeeping tasks. Alright. Then she wanted more money, and, while I was paying her more than she had originally asked, it was still pitifully little, so that wasn't totally unreasonable...but we had a contract, so no - not right now. But that was a mistake, because shortly after that she began seriously slacking. She'd be a little bit late, she'd be visibly unhappy, she started sleeping on the job - literally: I came home to hear my son crying in his room, and she was passed out beside a mop and bucket on the couch. She didn't wake up when I called her name, and so I sent the kid in there to shake her. She awoke, but seemed dazed and I started to worry about drug usage (or perhaps chemical inhalation due to sleeping next to a bucket of Pinesol (and water this time, though!)). A few days later, she told me she'd been offered another nannying position with more hours and better pay. I mistakenly thought this was an opening to discuss giving her a raise, but she had already decided, and despite having signed a one-year contract, she was taking the other job and wanted to start as soon as possible. I was furious! One, because she was just totally disregarding the contract she had signed - and there was very little I could do about it, given that any contract is only legally enforceable if you are willing to pay the money and take the time to go to court over it. Two, because this would mean yet another disruption in my poor little guy's life, and he really liked this nanny! Three, because these nannies really have you over a barrel: you can't force them to work if they are unhappy, because they are in charge of your children, and you can't risk them taking out their displeasure with you on the babies!
So, that was the end of that. I cut her loose earlier than she expected, only because I was angry with her, and was able to find another nanny who I actually knew personally quite quickly.
There was another nanny, and it was not a perfect fit, either, but not nearly as drama-filled as the other two had become. What I learned is that having a nanny can dramatically improve your quality of life...or make it absolute hell. And you often get what you pay for. We made it through that year with in-home nanny care, but now that my son attends daycare, I can say that good nannies are better than daycare providers - but bad ones are far worse than the worst daycare provider - at least the worst daycare provider in a licenced and regulated daycare centre. They're just held more accountable, so have to be better.
I stand by my decision to keep my son home until he was old enough to communicate, advocate for himself, and fend off illnesses better! But am very happy with our current daycare situation, and have already reserved a future spot for my unborn baby :)
I should note that One Extreme To The Other Nanny did make good of her promise to stay in touch with Avery, and my rage and hurt at her abandoning us dissipated with time. She's a good person, just young, and maybe not aware of how her decisions impact others, or that sometimes doing what doesn't seem to be best for YOU at the time, can really be the best overall... She'll learn :) And I think she's going to be great in her career in anything child-related.
That was a long one, and it was tiring reliving that nanny drama! Almost doesnt' seem real... Is anyone still reading at this point? ;)
My point is that I needed to return to work (a year of EI, followed by 2 months of absolutely no income (because I'm a teacher, and my mat leave ended just when summer holidays began), coinciding with the time I decided I needed to leave my marriage and my home with a baby, and another year and 9 months of bitter divorce negotiations and legal fees looming up ahead would create that need in most people, don't you think?). And I needed childcare. And I'm not lucky enough to be from a traditional or European family in which the grandparents just assume all childcare responsibility - and for free, at that! So, I needed a nanny.
Before leaving my marriage, we had planned to go the nanny route anyway, and had a friend and neighbour's Czech mother lined up to do the job. She would have been wonderful. She was kind and warm and wise - and being friends with one of her own adult daughters, I was able to see the result of her efforts, and it was good ("it" is you, Vendy!) :) However, as with many good things, that arrangement fell apart when I had to move out of the matrimonial home. Lovely Czech Grandma Nanny had only one flaw: she didn't drive, and bussing it to another city was an unreasonable request.
So I started researching nannies. I started with agencies, but they had 2 flaws: 1. their nannies are crazy expensive, and 2. they mostly deal with live-in nannies from overseas, and I was not in a position to offer live-in accommodation in my temporary-ghetto home (although I would have LOVED that).
Next, I hit Kijiji (similar to Craig's List or whatever sort of free listing service might exist in your area) and started searching. Here is what I learned.
First: most nannies don't drive for whatever reason. So, you need to live on a bus route, and close enough to whoever you hire.
Second: most nannies are not the kindly old grandmother-types you might imagine. I guess those don't really exist, because they are taken up by their own families. So, nannies who advertise on websites and in the paper are usually YOUNG - which usually also means inexperienced and uneducated. I don't even like writing this next part, but I have to: it also often means unreliable and irresponsible - not the sort you want watching your baby. Sorry, Responsible Mature Youth: I realize this generalization does not apply to all of you, but sadly, those it does outnumber you.
Third: a lot of nannies are not actually nannies. They are people who either have kids of their own who prevent them from getting other jobs (which means they will want to bring their kids with them to work in your home, and I personally, do not think any mommi can honestly say they can put their own child's needs AFTER yours' - and if they could, would you want that sort of person caring for yours??), or who have no real employable skills, and figure anyone can babysit! Um, no.
Last: lots of nannies (and people in general) are just WEIRD. For example, I interviewed (well, almost) one girl who sounded great on paper - she wrote about family values in her cover letter, explaining how she'd been home schooled and helped raise her own siblings, how involved she was in her church, etcetera...but when she showed up for her interview, I opened the door to a man. Nono - she was not a he. It was her father. HE wanted to interview ME before deciding whether I could interview his daughter! Okay...points for being a VERY responsible parent...but I'm looking to employ an adult - and adults don't bring their dads with them to job interviews.
I posted my own Nanny Wanted ad, and got better results than just searching through "available" ads. Most candidates I weeded out due to typos or grammatical errors in their resumes (what?? One year old is when babies do a TONNE of language acquisition, and did I want my child exposed to double negatives, mispronunciations, slang, and worse offences: like people who say things like "I SEEN a kid the other day", "I should OF done that...", and so on??? If you do not know the answer to this question, you missed my post on my various Nazi-isms - grammar being one of them.), others because they failed to punctuate or capitalize, others because they didn't even have a resume, and more because they used "lol" in their emails, or seemed more concerned with the pay and hours than with any questions related to my child.
But I did eventually hire a nanny. Three nannies to be accurate. One is not worth mentioning, only because she was normal and didn't engage in any laugh-worthy antics. But the others...well...here you go!
GROSSEST NANNY EVER
This was the first nanny I hired. I believe she was employed for about 2 weeks. She had step children as experience, seemed very nice, and was a singer by trade (allegedly).
But she showed up late on the very first day - and most days after that, as well. Luckily, I had my nannies scheduled to arrive 30 minutes before I actually had to leave the house in order to be on time myself - but I needed that time to actually get ready for work and stuff (things that take way longer with an infant attached to your leg). I was paying her hourly, so I started recording her start and end times to the minute in effort to make a point. She did not get the point, though, and often showed up with a Tim Horton's coffee - further infuriating me, because that says to me: I'm not late because of things beyond my control; I assessed my timelines and decided getting myself a coffee was more important than being on time for work.
Additionally, she showed up dirty. It's not like I expected a nanny to be dressed up for work with a baby...but clothing that was not torn, stained, too short because the bottoms had been inexplicably worn off, or faded past the point of recognition and featuring Disney characters would have been nice. She wore running shoes with no socks, and then took them off in my house, and her toes were visibly dirty and unmanicured. It was horrendous. But I'll save the best (worst) for last...
This is not the worst, but she was also..."lacking in common sense". Here are two examples: 1. I came home unannounced at lunch one day because I had forgotten something. She was preparing some frozen organic vegetables as part of my son's lunch - good! But she was microwaving them, (I know - microwaving is questionable itself, but that wasn't my biggest objection) in a SEALED plastic container! Now, the plastic was BPA-free, of course, because I had purchased it, not her...but sealed?? I could see the lid bending and bubbling in the microwave. I asked her if it was sealed, just because I coudlnt' quite believe my eyes, and she said yes, not comprehending my horror. "Isn't it going to explode?" I asked. "It hasn't before," she replied. "But where is the steam supposed to escape to??" my panic was rising. "I don't know," she said. Then I heard a horrible pop as the lid broke off and vegetables splattered all over the inside of the microwave. Come on - for real? Who doesn't know that you have to remove the lid??? 2. My nannies had a different "Nap-Time Task" to complete while my child was sleeping - this is the difference between a nanny and a babysitter: nannies are responsible for light housekeeping, as well as child care, and are thus paid more (several applicants - and employees - had difficulty with this, even though it was clearly outlined in their contracts). One of these tasks was washing the floors. This duty was assigned once a week, and it was a small apartment with tile and hardwood floors. So, I was perplexed when the bottle of Pinesol I had purchased lasted only 2 weeks. Knowing this nanny was not the brightest, I had been careful to leave VERY specific instructions on how to complete each task: pick up rugs and shake outside, sweep floors, wash floors using mop and bucket in closet, and Pinesol under sink - including under furniture...but I had failed to tell her to DILUTE THE PINESOL WITH WATER. She was using it full-strength - half a bottle each time! WTF??? No wonder my house always smelled SO strongly of the stuff when I came home, and why the floors always failed to be shiny!
She also got in the habit of asking to be paid early. The arrangement was that she would be paid every Friday, but she often asked to be paid Thursday. I would agree, but would only pay her for the time worked up until that point - i wasn't about to PRE-pay for the work she may or may not do on Friday! She didn't understand this and took issue with it.
But here is the worst: a compilation of the worst, all rolled into one day, actually... The day began with her being late - no surprise. She asked if she could leave early that day because she was going to a singing competition at a local fall fair right after work. Whatever - I allowed myself an extra 30 minutes at the end of my day in case I needed to run errands or whatnot before I went home, so I could just go straight home that day and let her leave as soon as I got there. She had some hideous green once-bridesmaid dress I'm sure and a bag of other supplies with her, which should have been the first red flag - but of course, since she'd been late, I was in a rush to get to work so didn't give it much thought. When I got home, I heard my son crying before I even got in the house. I rushed in, and found him still in his crib in his room in the dark, having clearly awoken from his nap some time ago. Gross Nanny was in the bathroom, already in her crazy dress, spraying her hair with hairspray - my hairspray. I was aghast: was this woman honestly primping for her competition while ignoring my child - and being paid for it??? But before I even had a chance to say anything, she saw me, grabbed her stuff, and dashed for the door. She did say, "Oh - look who's up" when she noticed Avery in my arms in the hallway. And then she was gone. And I was FUMING. But it gets worse. I comforted my boy and got that situation under control, played for a bit, and then had to use the washroom. My hair brush was out on the counter, and I looked to find it filled with her nasty hair! I dropped it, shuddered, and moved to the toilet. There were streaks of (you think I'm going to say poo here, don't you? Well, that reminds me of the time I came home and did find just that - poo - on the toilet seat, the side of the bowl, on the floor, and on the wall - clearly the result of a diaper change gone wrong - and hey, it happens - but then you clean it up!!! But anyway, no: I'm not going to say poo...) BLOOD on the bowl! I backed up in disgust, crashing into the shower and putting my hand on the window ledge to steady myself, NARROWLY missing the greatest horror yet: a USED TAMPON, sitting on my window ledge!!! I had no choice but to stifle my gag reflex and dispose of it myself, then disinfect the toilet. Then I washed my hands, but when I went to dry them, I discovered a soaking wet towel - she had obviously taken a shower at my house, used one of my towels to dry her filthy self, shedding skin cells all over I'm sure, then just hung the towel back on the rack, where it might easily be used by myself or my child! So, so gross. And when did she have time to do all of this?? While poor Avery cried, alone in his room? While I paid her? I needed some air, so decided it was time Avery and Mommi headed out for a walk. And it was on that walk that I found, not the grossest, but the most upsetting offence of all: one of my son's "sleepies", soaked and filthy on the side of the road. That might not seem like such a big deal, especially after the rest of the crap she pulled that day...but those sleepies are Avery's most precious belongings - the things he loves more than anything, and depends on for security and comfort.
That was the last straw. Or maybe the tampon had been the worst straw already. But at that moment I realized that I needed to fire her immediately, despite having no backup childcare arranged for the next day. I would call in sick and stay home with my baby, using the time to find another nanny ASAP. And that is what I did. But first, I pussied out and took advantage of the fact that I knew Gross Nanny was at her stupid singing competition and unable to answer her home phone (did I mention she didn't own a cell phone? Who doesn't own a cell phone?? I had to have a phone line installed at my apartment just for her use, to ensure she could reach me in an emergency, due to her lack of a cell phone). I called and left a message saying that something had come up and I wouldn't need her the next day, but to check her email for further details. Then I fired her by email. The only problem was that this woman held a key to my home :s I decided to bribe her with money to return the key, but she never mailed it back like I had asked. For months, I lived in fear that she would one day show up and torch my place, but luckily it never happened, and even more luckily, I moved out of there soon after.
I hired another nanny the very next day...
ONE EXTREME TO THE OTHER NANNY
This nanny vastly improved mine and Avery's lives. For a while.
She was only 18, and I was skeptical...but she was punctual, dressed professionally, had been accepted into the Early Childhood Educator program for the next year at a local college, so clearly wanted to work with children, as opposed to just having no skills and being resigned to it, waqs fluent in French, and had work experience at a daycare centre. She was cute and enthusiastic and fantastic. I asked her to babysit for an hour that night, because I needed a sitter, and also to give her a chance to familiarize herself with the house (because Avery would already be in bed). All I asked her to do was to feel free to snoop through cupboards and get a feel for where things were. But when I got home, she had watered the plants, washed the windows, folded some clothes, and dusted the living room. She told me that she had gone in to check on my sleeping child every 20 minutes (okay, a little overkill - and I later had to school her in my Sleep Nazi ways, which involve NEVER risking waking a sleeping child - but anyway...) <3 <3 <3 LOVE <3 <3 <3
She took to Avery and he to her instantly, and was a perfect fit to our lives. She was often early for work and didn't expect to get paid for it. Oh - and did I mention she only wanted to be paid $40 a day??? I couldn't do that. I'm sure it breaks laws and is exploitation or child labour or something. So, I insisted on paying her more, for which she loved me - and I loved her. I'd come home to a clean house and a happy child every day. My son's language and vocabulary were developing and expanding, she did cute crafts with him and taught him adorable little songs. She bought him stylish fashion for gifts. Life was fantastic.
Until it wasn't. After a few months, she claimed to have hurt her back and was therefore unable to complete many of the housekeeping tasks. Alright. Then she wanted more money, and, while I was paying her more than she had originally asked, it was still pitifully little, so that wasn't totally unreasonable...but we had a contract, so no - not right now. But that was a mistake, because shortly after that she began seriously slacking. She'd be a little bit late, she'd be visibly unhappy, she started sleeping on the job - literally: I came home to hear my son crying in his room, and she was passed out beside a mop and bucket on the couch. She didn't wake up when I called her name, and so I sent the kid in there to shake her. She awoke, but seemed dazed and I started to worry about drug usage (or perhaps chemical inhalation due to sleeping next to a bucket of Pinesol (and water this time, though!)). A few days later, she told me she'd been offered another nannying position with more hours and better pay. I mistakenly thought this was an opening to discuss giving her a raise, but she had already decided, and despite having signed a one-year contract, she was taking the other job and wanted to start as soon as possible. I was furious! One, because she was just totally disregarding the contract she had signed - and there was very little I could do about it, given that any contract is only legally enforceable if you are willing to pay the money and take the time to go to court over it. Two, because this would mean yet another disruption in my poor little guy's life, and he really liked this nanny! Three, because these nannies really have you over a barrel: you can't force them to work if they are unhappy, because they are in charge of your children, and you can't risk them taking out their displeasure with you on the babies!
So, that was the end of that. I cut her loose earlier than she expected, only because I was angry with her, and was able to find another nanny who I actually knew personally quite quickly.
There was another nanny, and it was not a perfect fit, either, but not nearly as drama-filled as the other two had become. What I learned is that having a nanny can dramatically improve your quality of life...or make it absolute hell. And you often get what you pay for. We made it through that year with in-home nanny care, but now that my son attends daycare, I can say that good nannies are better than daycare providers - but bad ones are far worse than the worst daycare provider - at least the worst daycare provider in a licenced and regulated daycare centre. They're just held more accountable, so have to be better.
I stand by my decision to keep my son home until he was old enough to communicate, advocate for himself, and fend off illnesses better! But am very happy with our current daycare situation, and have already reserved a future spot for my unborn baby :)
I should note that One Extreme To The Other Nanny did make good of her promise to stay in touch with Avery, and my rage and hurt at her abandoning us dissipated with time. She's a good person, just young, and maybe not aware of how her decisions impact others, or that sometimes doing what doesn't seem to be best for YOU at the time, can really be the best overall... She'll learn :) And I think she's going to be great in her career in anything child-related.
That was a long one, and it was tiring reliving that nanny drama! Almost doesnt' seem real... Is anyone still reading at this point? ;)
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Marketplace (Buy and Sell your Baby Items)
I'm not sure whether this will take off or not, but I've been thinking about adding a forum for buying and selling used baby items for a while, and today, another mommi contacted me because she is looking to sell her cloth diapers, so I figured now is the time! Also, I will become a Mommi Times Two in a couple months, and while I have a lot of things from the first time around, I'm in the market for a few new additions, too. So. I'm going to list my friend's cloth diapers below, and any followers can feel free to post their own ads, too. Just be sure to include contact info so interested parties can get ahold of you!
Important: Did you know...even if you do not have a Google Account, you can choose to give yourself a name when you make a post, rather than just selecting "Anonymous"? It won't link to an email address or anything, but it is helpful so that people can comment and have something to address you by :)
Important: Did you know...even if you do not have a Google Account, you can choose to give yourself a name when you make a post, rather than just selecting "Anonymous"? It won't link to an email address or anything, but it is helpful so that people can comment and have something to address you by :)
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