Other Things That Suck (but don't warrant their own posts)

OMG - I have a few followers!  Thank you, thank you!  That makes me very happy :)  I know some people have chosen to follow via email, which doesn't increase my follower count, so I like to think I'm a little more popular than I appear, even :P  I wanted to start this blog for me - I wanted a record of my pregnancy and Avery's life, but was never very consistent with pregnancy journals or baby diaries, and this format really appealed to me.  Plus, I really enjoy writing, and have secretly harboured book ideas for ages - but THAT seems a bit too ambitious, so this seemed like a good, safe, and modest place to start.  But now that I've taken the plunge and actually started, I would love to get your feedback and see some discussion started!  Totally optional!  Just wanted you to know it would be very welcome :)

I'm going to move on to "the bane of my existence" - yet another joyfully unexpected aspect of pregnancy (I hope if you've been reading so far you can spot my dripping sarcasm by now), but I do feel the need to say: it wasn't all bad - in fact, there are a lot of parts I really enjoyed!  But first, a few bad parts I don't feel deserve entire posts to themselves...

ACNE  I had moderate acne during the first 3 months.  I got all these little bumps on my chin and forehead that probably wouldn't have been that bad, had I left them alone - but of course, I didn't!  So they were pink and yucky and gross.  My friend Kyle came home from Germany at Christmas (towards the end of my first trimester) and said, "You're glowing" - but this is the same Kyle who told me my hair was a Grandma cut and I ruined his senior prom because of it and whose opinion I value so much I've been growing my hair ever since - so one look at him made me painfully aware of his TOTAL LIE.  I wasn't glowing; my acne was.  It cleared up on its own in the second trimester, and when I finally got in to see my dermatologist, he told me I could have continued to use these little wipe-thingies he'd once prescribed for me before - but how was I to know??  The wait for dermatological appointments is ridiculous, but that is a rant for another day (and someone else's blog).  Anyhow...live and learn...next time, I'll know!

STOMACH STUFF  I was lucky enough to never vomit during my pregnancy (okay - I lie: there was one time I got totally wasted that would have been about 3 days after conception - I didn't know I was pregnant, give me a break!!  Anyway, that is another post), but I did have a week or two during which I'd get super nauseous right around dinner time, and hovered the toilet in preparation anyway.  I found that if I forced myself to eat anyway, I'd feel better.  I often found myself almost barfing if I bent over or laughed after lunch - but that was just towards the end of my pregnancy, when I was huge, and the baby in my uterus had displaced my stomach to a new location within my body, and I really felt like the food was just sitting there, waiting to fall out of my mouth, simply due to gravity :s  Heartburn was another thing: I thought I knew what it was before I was pregnant, but oh, was I wrong!  It hurt like crazy, and would plague me after meals for a few weeks during the second or third trimester.  Rolaids and Tums became good friends of mine.  This was during the time when I still partied and went out with my friends to bars (Stop it - it was one time!  Pregnancy confirmed, I always asked the bartenders to give me a gingerale, but to make it look like a rye and ginger - just so no one would give me a hard time), so while they made ATM and munchy stops, I stocked up on antacids.  The last thing under this category would be...farting.  I'm not a gassy person, really!  But once in a while, they would just fire out, totally without warning!  I remember it happening in the office while speaking to a coworker, who asked if I heard a gun shot.  I also remember having to flatten myself against a bank of lockers and clench every muscle in my body to contain one that threatened to disrupt the quiet of the near-empty hallway I was in.  Cassandra thought we were going into lockdown.

PEE!  When you're pregnant, there is a lot more pressure on your bladder, even before the baby is very big - your uterus swells right away, anyway.  So you have to pee a lot.  I'm pretty sure this is an every-pregnant-woman thing, not just me.  I resented having to get up in the night up to 4 times to pee!  So you see?  The sleep deprivation starts long before the baby comes.  And waiting with a full bladder for ultrasounds??  Ridiculously cruel and unusual.  I was almost responsible for the murder of several ultrasound technicians.  (Side note: isn't it crazy, though, how the undeniable urge to pee disappears entirely as soon as they get the image of your baby on the screen?  See?  I have a soft, squishy side, too.)  I can say with authority that I was lucky enough never to pee my pants while pregnant, and I know several girls who cannot say the same!  But that authority only comes from the belief that the phrase "pee your pants" implies an involuntary loss of bladder control.   I did pee my pants.  But I chose to do it.  Allow me to explain: My husband and I had driven together to pick up one of his work trucks that was in the shop for service.  We each drove one vehicle home, and it was a very long drive (note: at this point in my pregnancy (it was late - probably over 36 weeks), "very long" between pee breaks was about 15 minutes), and I really had to go!  So much it hurt.  I was within city limits, so there wasn't a private bush I could pull over to use, nor did there appear to be any sort of coffee shop or other public bathroom source...and I was wearing a maxi pad (Yeah, weird, since I was pregnant, right?  Well, I was also terrified my water would break in public, and foolishly thought a pad might help contain any amniotic fluid that might burst forth in that case).  So...I consciously decided to pee my pants.  Gawd, it felt good!   Um, however, I quickly learned that maxi pads are not equipt to absorb such a large amount of fluid released that quickly.  And therefore, they also wouldn't have done much in the event my water broke.  Ah, Hindsight, you smug bitch!  (I'm feeling a bit scientific as I write this - that's clinical research, no?  Please refer to me as a scientist from now on.  As opposed to The Girl Who Consciously Peed Her Pants.)  Oh, and Dave?  I'm sorry about the truck seat - never told you about that, did I? :$

NIPPLE BITS  Also in the glorious, glamourous last trimester, I had an evening of horror, when I thought parts of my nipple were falling off.  Unpregnant Girls: did you even know that your nipples are actually made up of tiny little bumps, and that milk comes out of a whole bunch of holes in between those bumps, not just one??  I didn't!  But I digress.  I was examining my nipples (I began examining them, and other girly parts with aforementioned hand mirror, because I read that they can change colour when pregnant - and they do!), and a few of those mini bumps came off in my fingers!  PANIC PANIC PANIC!  But if this happens to you, do not panic.  Because I learned that they weren't actually pieces of flesh; they were milk bits! (I know - you don't even know which possibility makes you want to barf more, right?)  But this happens.  I guess some people leak a little bit of milk before they've had their babies, and it can collect in there, and comes off with a little bit of friction.  Hey - some girls actually stream milk, pre-baby - so this is not the worst evil!

Alright.  I have likely horrified (but hopefully also entertained) enough people for one night.  I'm sure I'm forgetting some things - feel free to remind me if you were there to share with me (I got a lot of pleasure out of disgusting and terrifying my single, non-baby-having friends with these tales), or to share your own inner-most shame and secrets!  I'll write about nice things next, I promise :)  Except for "the bane of my existence", and the upcoming "jellyfish in my panties" posts I have planned...

P.S. Aren't you glad I didn't include any photos in this post?